And AWAY We GO!
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Posted:Feb 26, 2014 11:36 am
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2014 7:36 am
9412 Views
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Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow. I never realized I would be so darned tickled to be getting older. But this marks eleven years longer than I ever thought I would live when I was a , so YaY!
No sun in the forecast, but that's alright, there ain't no flippin' snow in it either. Besides, from what I read they really really need this rain. They can thank me and Flirty for bringing it with us by selling us both winning lottery tickets.
Flying out on a late afternoon/early evening flight...probability of being on the flight is much lower. While I love these tiny terrorists....well let's just say I think it will be awesome to have a conversation that doesn't resemble some mild version of Tourettes syndrome. "I would love to-DON'T put that in your mouth-go to dinner sometime."
Gloriously fun activities planned, aquariums, thrift stores, beach time, whale watching with two people who don't realize how wonderful they are.
Nope, I'm not bitching from me about the rain.
I thought today I would share with you some of the more...dare I say...eclectic sex toys I have found on the interwebs. If you have practical experience with any of these...please leave me a comment and tell me what you think!
I really really don't understand this one at all. Is it possible to scare an orgasm out of someone? Inquiring minds want to know.
Saddle up the washer honey, I want to take a spin!
Muff divers need snorkels too.
For the busy, busy, busy gal or guy. Or I suppose this could come in handy if you are ever in a car wreck.
Safety hose for blind dates. 
Love peace and chicken grease. See you guys in a week.
(Or I might blog from there, provided my tablet will cooperate.)
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They Make A Cream For That
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Posted:Feb 24, 2014 7:44 pm
Last Updated:Feb 26, 2014 11:13 am
9781 Views
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You know, I used to consider myself a rather worldly woman. I am well traveled, educated, well read...I thought I was at the very least well versed in my own body.
Turns out, I'm not nearly as smart as I thought I was.
Today, as I was scrolling along my news feed at the book of faces, one of the pages I follow posted something that made me sit back in my chair and rub my imaginary beard and think deep thoughts.
Did ya'll know that pussy's fade?
Now I know that they do, over the course of time and with usage, have a tendency to stretch. And sadly, unless they are shaven they do 'go gray'.
But now they are telling me that it's gonna fucking fade?!
What the hell? Does the color...like, rub off or something? I have seen more pussy's than at least 50% of the disgruntled Get Laid Tonight believers will ever see in their lifetimes, and I have never seen one that is faded. I have seen them with rings, with hair, without hair, I have even seen one dressed in a merkin. I have never ever once seen a faded pussy. If I were younger, this would become a quest. The search for the monochromatic pussy. I could even buy a rakish hat like Indiana Jones wears, and carry a bullwhip on my belt.
But before anyone falls into a pit of despair over the worry that your girl goodies are gonna start looking like a sun-dried fish laying on a creek bank, I have wonderful news!
"We don't know when or if this item will be back in stock.
•Audrey - For the woman that loves to be daring, we bring you "Audrey"! This is the deepest, darkest color that we offer to give you a bold burgundy pink color. Perfect for everyone, and your own base color will determine the depth of this shade. Tonight its Show time!!
•Dye System Kit includes 20 disposable applicators, mixing dish, labia colorant dye and instructional guide.
•Our Products are Never Tested on Animals, but it will bring out the Animal in You!
•Easy to use - applies in just one minute - and your pink is back!
•20 applications per bottle"
Now, I can see this as being practical if you are a stripper, porn star, or an escort, but seriously? I am too damn lazy to dye my pussy. I don't really spend much time on make up for my face, so I am fairly confident I am not going to spend a lot of time playing dress up with ol' Kitty Lou.
So what say you, people of the blog. Anyone want to dye their lackluster pussy, or are you good just staying "au naturel."
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Four More Days!
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Posted:Feb 23, 2014 3:50 am
Last Updated:Feb 25, 2014 6:01 am
8790 Views
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Even though the weather forecast is calling for rain for the entire weekend there, I am still happier than a pig in mud. It might be rainy, but it will still be warm enough to wear a single layer of clothes and flip flops. And it is California...a place I have never been, one of the bucket list places. After this visit I will only have 12 States left to visit and I will have visited every state in the US. That was my one big dream as a and I am only 12 short states away from realizing that goal. Alaska is the one long trip I have left, but I have faith that I will make it there eventually.
Spent the day yesterday with my pregnant and the Four Hellions of the Mompocalypse. It was a fun day for all, and I took a nap immediately after they went home. I don't know how the keeps up with all of them, I would be completely drained of energy. Her fifth one is due in June. My called me day before yesterday with some awesome news as well. If my in law has not gone into labor naturally by the 27th, (my birthday), then they are going to induce her labor on my birthday! So I will share a birthday with my youngest (so far) Granddaughter.
Best. Present. Ever.
Four more days. I have one ambitious goal for my trip...this sunset shot over the ocean. Ya'll cross your fingers for me!
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Aks Mama Dee
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Posted:Feb 20, 2014 12:00 pm
Last Updated:Feb 23, 2014 8:34 am
8787 Views
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Fuck me, she is a great actress.
You know, once upon a time when I was a high priestess of the mighty waffle, my co-workers more often than not were younger than me. And as they bled their problems onto my captive...umm...captivated, yeah, that's the word...ears, I would give them whatever advice I had to give.
Or just tell them to stop being an idiot about shit, dependent on what they had told me.
Anyway, all those nights of giving advice to the love lorn-s, the I done fucked up and I need help-s, the I don't know what I am gonna do-s earned me the nickname Mama Dee. Even some of the regular customers called me that. Over the years, Mama Dee has become something of an alter ego for me, and I channel her when I am soul searching, and sometimes when I write. So I thought I might channel her today a bit. I do hope you like her.
Mama Dee is here to answer and advise, so leave your troubles as a comment. Please be advised that if you want serious advice, send that in an email, this blog is for laughter and tongue in cheek fun.
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Let the COUNTDOWN Commence!
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Posted:Feb 18, 2014 12:54 pm
Last Updated:Feb 23, 2014 3:53 am
8918 Views
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(This is a great movie by the way.)
IN this many more days, I will be turning 51. I will also be boarding a flight to California. Southern California. Where there is still sunshine.
And the ocean. And wonderful wonderful friends.
bustavalvespring....You are sure that I won't be an inconvience? Have you checked the calendar to see if you have forgotten any important dates?
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I Might....
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Posted:Feb 18, 2014 5:57 am
Last Updated:Feb 20, 2014 4:48 am
8512 Views
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...actually have time to write today, I am back down to one . If they cancel school or have another set of work days anytime soon, I am going to be forced to write a strongly worded letter to the school board.
Ain't nobody got time fo dat...
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Full Moon Fever
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Posted:Feb 15, 2014 12:25 am
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2014 5:55 am
8005 Views
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Also known as "I pulled a late job tonight, and the three cups of coffee I had to keep myself awake till Mama got here are still working."
Happy Valentine's Day everyone. And I am really in more of a 'reading' state of mind tonight, my muse must be taking the night off.
Goodnight young lovers everywhere.
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Back in the Day
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Posted:Feb 12, 2014 9:35 am
Last Updated:Feb 14, 2014 10:06 pm
8989 Views
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Me at the ripe old age of 18. This was my photo for my engagement announcement.
Another one of my ex husbands has passed away. My first husband died yesterday in his backyard. They are not sure if he had a heart attack, or if he had overdosed on the pills that were in his pocket.
No, I don't know what kind of pills, nor do I think they are what did it. My best logical guess is that were pain pills, he had problems with his back for many years. I do think the fact that he spent almost his entire life drinking like a thirsty camel had a lot to do with it. When we were still married, he used to keep a bottle of vodka by the bed, and he didn't get out of bed one single morning without taking a healthy pull on that bottle. And he usually had a beer with his breakfast. I can't imagine that he ever stopped.
It is another one of those bittersweet things for me. I loved this man as deeply as I have ever loved anyone. I suffered for many years, the naive notion that if I just loved him enough, if I worked hard enough that some day he would see in himself the things that I saw in him, and that he would no longer need to hide in the bottom of a bottle. When he was arrested for the umpteenth time for stupid shit he had done while he was tanked, I finally threw in the towel. I did not want my to grow up thinking that alcohol was a solution to anything.
My is saddened by the man's passing, but he is not greatly upset. He called me and calmly said, "Mom, I thought you might want to know that my Dad died today."
Of course, I was a little upset at first. While I can't say that I still cared a whole lot for the man, I had always hoped that things would work out for him, that he would get a handle on his life and get his head straight. So it saddens me to realize this will never happen for him in this life. Here is to the hope that it happens for him in whatever comes next.
But my and I talked, and while he is sad and he has a multitude of what-ifs, he told me point blank that it is a little hard to be upset about it, when his father had lived less than 20 miles away for most of his life and had never bothered to even try to be part of his life. And, truthfully, I respect that and fully understand.
So last night and this morning, to an extent, (Kinda hard to get lost in the mists of time when there is a two year old hell bent on destruction and mayhem running amuck...) my mind has been drifting back to those days when that girl in the photo was still struggling to become a woman and a mother. While some of my memories of those days are acid etched in my mind and full of bitterness, there are some wonderful memories to bury the bad ones under.
It is hard to relegate that young girl in the photo with this woman I am now. I look at this photo, and remember all the hopes and dreams that head housed. The pretty white picket fence fantasies I had about what my marriage would be like...and the strangest feeling of ennui comes over me. I suppose it makes me sad to realize that had my dreams come true, I would be burying my husband of 30 years tomorrow. As it stands, he ended up with 3 ex wives, one wife who passed away two years ago, and the woman he was living with up until yesterday. Three he had nothing to do with, 5 or 6 grandchildren he never visited more than once or twice, and another granddaughter who is likely going to be born on Valentines Day that will never know anything more about him than what she is told by others.
So there is a sadness for what might have been.
Luckily, I am not one to dwell on such things for long.
Life is chaos, the only control we have over life is the control we can exert in regards to ourselves and our reactions.
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Sweet Sixteen
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Posted:Feb 11, 2014 10:09 am
Last Updated:Feb 14, 2014 9:14 pm
8613 Views
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Surfside Beach, Texas-March 2011
I got to be for real...I am so tired of the snow and this bitter cold.... I am much more understanding of people who snap these days. I need to win the lottery or something. I want to be a snowbird, dammit.
I know, I know...same bitch, different year.
In sixteen more days I am gonna be in the sunshine, I am going to be at an ocean I have not seen yet, and I am going to be with good company.
Sixteen days feels a little like half a century today.
So today, I am going to share some beach photos...kinda boost my morale. Because today, sitting here looking out on this mass of white crap, while doused in muscle rub and hovering near the furnace vents...my morale is pretty low. I just want to go to bed and wake up when the sun is warm again.
I think I might have been a bear in my past life.
Texas-again-Mainly because I don't want to have to plug in a different drive that has my older stuff on it. Yes, I am that lackadasical today.
The very best part of being at the ocean for me is the sound of it. The sighing and crashing of the waves is like listening to a cherubim choir. I can't be still for long at the beach. I love to walk along the edge of the water and let it pour over my feet while I contemplate the sheer massive size and all the life, life we have not yet fully discovered, that is contained in its dark secret places. It makes me feel humbled to be gently caressed by such a monumental entity.
Yeah, all of these are from Texas
The avian life that calls the shoreline home is just delightful. Plovers, Sandpipers, Gulls, Pelicans, Heron, Ibis....I love Galveston in the late Winter and early Spring because of the migration of these kinds of birds. I can't wait to see what I will find in Southern California.
And I will be able to take an updated photo for my profile here! Guess I should give myself a pedi, eh?
Sixteen Days- Feels like forever to an impatient soul.
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Well, I Thought I Was Blogging
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Posted:Feb 10, 2014 11:41 am
Last Updated:Feb 11, 2014 6:51 pm
8087 Views
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But the midget is awake and on the move.
So instead, gonna post this and see if anyone can tell me what river this is and where it is located. The only hint I am giving you is this...The city is famous for a sport involving horses.
See ya'll tomorrow.
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An Ode to Snow (Holy SHIT! I can post more than one photo??)
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Posted:Feb 9, 2014 12:44 pm
Last Updated:Feb 14, 2014 10:02 pm
9003 Views
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I took this photo in April somewhere along a little dirt road that was named Bearpaw Mountain, in the Northern area of the Idaho panhandle.
I did my first solo 4wd driving there. I was using a little 98 Jeep Grand Cherokee. It was a most capable vehicle.
I am currently stuck in the house now by snow that measures about a third of what was on the ground in the photo. There was still 3-4 feet of snow in most places, but the roads had been plowed to a nice muddy soup consistency and traveling in mud is where a 4wd vehicle makes all the difference in the world.
When I first arrived, I spent about 8 solid weeks in the house. I made a couple of short jaunts to the store, but it was to the store, straight back to the house and more endless hours of television. And the moose. The moose and I, well...I think we entertained one another. I would step out on the screened-in, elevated porch on the back of the house, and take photos of her through the screen, talking to her all the while. Only once did she ever approach me to get a closer look, but often as I was talking to her she would stop in her decimation of tender spring buds that were sprouting on the trees that were planted around the house, and chew thoughtfully as she stared at me. I often wondered what she was thinking at those times. My educated guess would be, "Noisy, not threatening, not edible, not my problem." But the in me, the one who likes fairy tales and most of her life identified most strongly with Ellie Mae Clampett minus the good looks, wanted to believe that me and the Moose would become friends.
She went on to educate me later in the year, when she took offense to being barked at by the dogs, that she held me in no particular esteem.
A sunset over Priest Lake. I was hard pressed to leave the lake that day, although the temperatures were rapidly dropping. There was a slight breeze crossing that great frozen expanse of lake that carried all the warmth of the Arctic Circle on its breath. I had been watching a small bank of fog starting to hover over the top of the ice in a rather deep and narrow cove. I watched as it began to grow, like a small raincloud, growing rapidly larger and larger until it completely obscured the little cove. It hung still for a time hovering there over the frozen lake, but that cold breeze begant to stir the mist, turning them into a simmering white cauldron. I cannot describe the overwhelming desire I had to throw off all caution and walk out into that mist. The way the gold of the setting sun would catch the top of the mass and send little dancing slivers of gold across those slowly swirling clouds was enticing, alluring. It spoke to my heart of alternate universes and fairies and other worlds far more understanding than the one I was in...I still sometimes wonder if I missed my death or a chance at something mystical that day.
I could be saddened by my inability to do the things I once did, but I think instead it is better that I relish in the fact that I did once stand toe to toe with Winter, and found the beauty of it in spite of myself.
Hope everyone is staying warm! I am headed for sunshine in a short 18 days! That is the thought that is keeping me sane
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A No-Cartoon Kinda Day
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Posted:Jan 21, 2014 9:41 am
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2014 10:01 am
9029 Views
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Koko Taylor is wailing 'Flamin' Mamie' right now, there are NO NO NO cartoons on the television. The bits are home with a sick mommy right now.
Can I get a HELL yeah!?
I have come to treasure these rare moments of solitude in my life. Of the things I sometimes miss about being a confirmed bachelorette is the solitude when you need it. Those tiny moments when there is noone around and you can just unplug from everything and indulge yourself in anything from dancing in the living room and singing like a braying jackass to shedding a tear on those days when such things are warranted.
Don't get me wrong, I love those kidlets and my family more than my own life, and my life is a beautiful thing. I would not change anything about it much. There are always areas in anyones life that could be improved upon, I suppose. At least there are in mine. I have allowed myself the luxury of considering myself a life long work in progress. I may someday amount to something, I suppose. I'm just really unsure of what yet.
I digress.
Again.
I have a habit of rambling when I talk too.
Maybe there is a pill for that...
But anyways.
While I love them all madly, sometimes I miss having those little moments of 'me time'. That time when I have plenty to do, and time to do it in. I have not seen one of those moments in a while now.
The terrible twos have struck the weebit. And given all the turmoil in the previous schedule, such as the holidays, school cancellations, changes of Bigbit and the kiddo being here, then not, then here again coupled with a mind that is literally exploding with all the learning that happens during this time in a childs life anyways, all this and more has conspired to destroyed any hope of a structured day....there is no scheduled naptime most days at the moment. I am usually starting to feel worn by about 3pm. The willpower behind and force of her pushing the boundries are staggering most days and I honestly wonder if there is truly any hope of ever getting a point made to her. She is a very curious and stubborn little mule. Argumentive too, lol. Though I can seldom understand more than 5 or 6 words she says on a good day, she has excellent body language so she makes her point with a shake of her finger or a scowl. She is a real little character, and she adds a lot of joy to my life most days. But let's face it, I am fifty years old and I have already 'done my time' as a parent of hellions. So there are many days I pray for long naps and the early arrival of Mama.
But today. Ah yes this blessed and beautiful bright day. On this day, this house is so lovely and quiet. I can actually hear the finches singing today. And no cartoons, oh my God; thank you, there are no cartoons. I am starting to develop a passionate distaste for a couple of them, and there is one I have outright banned from being watched because it is nothing but glorified violence and whomever writes the thing really has anger issues. It makes my lip curl to even hear the ad for it.
I have the mutts here for moral support, and they don't really give two rats asses what I am wearing, what kind of mood I am in, or what I am doing, unless it is time to go outside or eat. Right now all three are currently occupying their favorite napping spots, sleeping deeply and blissfully, unafraid of the sudden rude awakenings they often get when the tiny terrorist is in residence. This unexpected day off is welcomed by more than I.
They don't care that I am indulging myself in some down home blues which is playing softly in the background.
They are also not going to care a bit if I decide to turn my cell off and go take a long hot shower.
The laundry will be dealt with soon, there is a pot of hot coffee and a new book that I have been waiting to read and a blissful few hours to indulge myself in getting lost in a different world.
Ya'll have a good day. 
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To link to this blog (wildnwanton) use [blog wildnwanton] in your messages.
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