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 Welcome to Sexy TIMES!This blog will report various, often random and sometimes dubious thoughts, quirks, observations, trivia, tales, questions, dreams, rants, opinions, truths, musings, stories, lies, hopes, moans, fantasies, etc in the hope of tempting you to get involved. Our mission is to put the facts in the public domain! Please feel free to write a letter to the editor at LETTERS TO THE EDITOR. Back issues of Sexy TIMES are available at INDEX OF BACK ISSUESSexy TIMES editor: spunkycumfun, Esq. Sexy TIMES proprietor: Rupert Murdoch Sexy TIMES executive designer: [blog cherimore] The editor and, of course, the proprietor take no responsibility for accuracy of the content, nor any responsibility for the propriety of how the content was gathered. Otherwise, Sexy TIMES subscribes to the highest ethical standards of journalism. |
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WHO ATE ALL THE PIES?
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Posted:Mar 11, 2017 11:50 am
Last Updated:Apr 7, 2017 2:48 am
86744 Views
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'Who ate all the pies?' is a common chant amongst football fans when they see a less-than-fit footballer, especially if playing for the opposition team.
Above is Wayne Shaw who was the reserve goalkeeper for the non-league football team, Sutton United. The goalkeeper, nicknamed the Roly Poly Goalie, was recently involved in a betting scam because he ate a pie while sitting on the substitutes’ bench when his football team were playing Arsenal in the cup.
It turned out that one bookmaker, in cahoots with Wayne Shaw, was offering odds on the Roly Poly Goalie to eat a pie at half-time during this cup game.
I love pie, almost all pie.
Steak and ale pie, served in lots of gravy, is my favourite savoury pie, though I also like shepherd’s pie (made with lamb mince) and cottage pie (made with beef mince). I like all steak pies except steak and kidney pie; smelly kidneys always ruin a meal!
My least favourite savoury pie is a pork pie; pork pies are far too stodgy and too porky!
My favourite sweet pies are cherry pie and apple pie, both served with lashings of custard. My least favourite sweet pie is key lime pie - what’s the point of it?!
But it goes without saying that a freshly made cream pie cannot be beaten, not even by a steak pie!
Do you like eating pie?
What are your most and least favourite pies?
Have you eaten a cream pie?
This last week was British Pie Week during which I ate one delicious steak and stilton pie and made a few but still uneaten cream pies!
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I RELIGIOUSLY MASTURBATE
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Posted:Mar 8, 2017 1:18 pm
Last Updated:Apr 7, 2017 2:47 am
80075 Views
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I am a devout masturbator, normally once a day, generally in the mornings and always without a tissue in hand. Though I religiously masturbate but I'm not sure I masturbate religiously!
Different religions have different attitudes towards masturbation vary widely. Below is a guide to masturbation by religion.
The Bible, both the Old Testament and New Testament, says very little about masturbation except in Leviticus - where else! Allegedly written by Moses, Leviticus states that when a man has a discharge, he "shall wash his clothes and bathe in water, and be unclean until evening", "And when he who has a discharge is cleansed of his discharge, then he shall count for himself seven days for his cleansing, wash his clothes, and bathe his body in running water; then he shall be clean", and "On the eighth day he shall take for himself two turtledoves or two young pigeons, and come before the Lord, to the door of the tabernacle of meeting, and give them to the priest."
Orthodox Judaism does not allow masturbation. The Talmud, a sacred Jewish text second only to the Torah, states, "Whosoever emits semen in vain deserves death". Reform Judaism is a little bit more forgiving of masturbators! Rabbi Alexis Roberts maintains that masturbation is "harmless, natural and healthy."
The Catholic Church teaches that "Masturbation constitutes a grave moral disorder" and that "masturbation is an intrinsically and seriously disordered act." Catholics believe that sex is for procreation and that sex for any other reason is sinful. In the thirteenth century, Thomas Aquinas, a Catholic saint, wrote that masturbation was an "unnatural vice" and that "by procuring pollution, without any copulation, for the sake of venereal pleasure ... pertains to the sin of 'uncleanness' which some call'‘effeminacy'."
Compared to Catholicism, Protestantism has a far more liberal attitude towards masturbation. Many Protestants even have pro-masturbation views.
The Orthodox Christian Church sees sex as a gift from God. Because masturbation is self-directed, some Orthodox Christians view masturbation as not respecting God’s gift of sexuality.
Jehovah's Witnesses believe that masturbation is a habit that is a "form of uncleanness", which "fosters attitudes that can be mentally corrupting".
Islamic scholars do not generally approve of masturbation. The Quran states, "And those who guard their chastity, Except from their wives for then, they are free from blame; But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are transgressors." However, masturbation may be permissible if it stops someone from committing a greater sin, eg sex outside marriage. But, according to Sheikh Hamed Al-Ali, "Masturbation during the daytime of Ramadan breaks the fast".
Zoroastrianism, an ancient Iranian religion, condemns masturbation outright. Its holy book, Avesta, states that masturbation is an unpardonable sin.
Buddhists, with their quest towards enlightenment, may have problems with masturbation as an act of pleasuring oneself. One Buddhist text, the Upasakasila Sutra, states that "if sex relates to self-body, it is known as sexual misconduct." Generally, Buddhist laypersons may be permitted to masturbate but Buddhist monks and nuns should not masturbate.
In Hinduism, seeking kama - that is, physical pleasure - is one of the four goals of human life. Apart from a person who has taken vow of celibacy, known as brahmacharya, Hinduism grants complete sexual freedom. In fact, the Kama Sutra, a Hindu text written between the fourth and sixth centuries, gives advice on how men should masturbate: "Churn your instrument with a lion's pounce: sit with legs stretched out at right angles to one another, propping yourself up with two hands planted on the ground between in them, and it between your arms".
I’m not religious, so I can masturbate without guilt!
Have you ever masturbated with another blogger in mind?
If someone admitted they had masturbated while thinking about you, would you take that admission as a compliment?
I regularly masturbate over fellow bloggers but to save their blushes I won’t name names! And I very much hope some bloggers have masturbated with me in mind! I’m a tart!
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FIVE STRANGE ASIDES
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Posted:Mar 4, 2017 1:02 pm
Last Updated:Apr 7, 2017 2:46 am
79957 Views
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This post is my contribution to the twenty-eighth virtual symposium organised by the supreme cult leaderess, pocogato12. Please visit the Virtual Symposium Group's #28 Participant List Link March Topic STRANGER in a Strange Land post to read other contributions to the 'Stranger in a Strange Land' virtual symposium.
Here are my five offerings of strangeness:
1. Steve Strange - see above - was the singer in the group Visage which had a big hit, Fade to Grey, in the early 1980s. He was an influential figure in the rise of the New Romantic movement. Steve Strange hosted many club nights in London and had a strict policy of only "the weird and wonderful" being allowed into his clubs. He once refused Mick Jagger being admitted to one of his club nights. His clubs were far too trendy for the likes of me!
2. The closest I’ve come to stranger sex was in a sex club. Minding my own business but naked in a jacuzzi, a woman came up to me, grabbed my cock and placed it inside her pussy while her partner just watched. No words were said as we had sex, though I did say thanks after we had sex. That was a zipless fuck!
3. The strangest land I’ve visited is Dubai. Though uncomfortably hot and humid, what made it strange was that it’s full of very rich people being serviced by very poor people. I know that’s always the case but the extremes were particularly glaring there. Dubai's obscene wealth and abject poverty made for a very strange experience. It felt surreal but unfortunately it was very real!
4. The strangest sexual act that I’ve done is scat, yes poo! It was not something I thought I’d do or something that I thought I’d enjoy at the time. But it felt quite exhilarating doing something that’s widely regarded as taboo. It was fun, except for clearing up the mess afterwards. I’ve long wanted to blog about this but I’ve always shied away until now because of how it’s seen as very taboo.
5. One of my strangest experiences happened in Philadelphia in 1997. While attending a conference, I was having breakfast in a hotel when a waitress told me that Princess Diana had just died a car crash in Paris tunnel. I then bought a newspaper to read more about the news. While reading the newspaper I saw a photograph of a family friend; it was Trevor Rees-Jones, the only survivor of the crash and the only person wearing seat-belts in the car. He was a bodyguard appointed to look after Dodi Fayed and Princess Diana. He was my brother’s wife’s sister’s husband at the time; that’s my quickest claim to fame!
What strange things have you done?
What strange places have you visited?
What strange people have you met?
Though some people may think otherwise, I don’t regard myself as strange. Whenever I talk about feeling strange to people, they invariably say they feel the same. That makes me think I’m not strange, not least because we’re all strange! Feeling strange, it seems, is normal.
I now reserve the word strange for people or things I don’t understand and that certainly says just as much as about me as other people or things! But I do find Donald Trump strange, very strange and worryingly strange! I just don’t get him or what he stands for at all, and that makes me worry because he holds power!
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URINE FOR A SHOCK: CANADIANS LIKE TO PISS IN LA PISCINE!
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Posted:Mar 3, 2017 1:12 pm
Last Updated:Apr 7, 2017 2:46 am
86164 Views
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Yes, Canadians like to piss in the swimming pool!
Researchers from the University of Alberta analysed more than 250 samples from 31 swimming pools and hot tubs in two Canadian cities over a three week-period. Their research findings were published in a very recent issue of the American Chemical Society’s journal, Environmental Science & Technology Letters.
The researchers found that a large swimming pool will contain about 20 gallons (75 litres) and a smaller swimming pool about 8 gallons (30 litres) of urine. They found that concentrations of urine were significantly higher in hot tubs and jacuzzis.
There's a lot of urine in the swimming pool or, in other words, a lot of piss in la piscine!
These urine concentrations in swimming pools are about 570 times higher than background concentrations found in tap water.
Lindsay Blackstock, the lead researcher of the study, said: "Our study provides additional evidence that people are indeed urinating in public pools and hot tubs."
How can these extraordinary findings that people are swimming in pee be explained? I think there are four explanations.
First, people deliberately choose to pee in a swimming pool because they can’t be bothered to get out of the pool to go to the toilet. In a recent survey, nearly 20 per cent of people admitted to having peed in a swimming pool. And that figure is likely to be an under-estimate.
Second, as well as people voluntarily peeing in a swimming pool, people also involuntarily urinate when swimming because of the temperature differences when they get into the water. For some reason women involuntarily urinate far more than men when in a swimming pool.
Third, professional swimmers always pee when they swim whether racing or training. The swimming legend, Michael Phelps, thought it was "acceptable behaviou" because "everybody pees in the pool".
Another and somewhat overlooked explanation is that peeing in swimming pools is a Canadian thing! More research is needed to see whether it’s not just Canadians peeing in swimming pools.
What I’ve learnt from this research is not to swim in swimming pools used by professional swimmers and never swim when a Canadian is in the swimming pool!
Have you ever peed in a swimming pool?
Have you ever had sex in a swimming pool?
Have you ever swum in an infinity pool?
I’ve peed in the sea, but I’ve never voluntarily peed in a swimming pool. And I’ve never had sex in a swimming pool, but I’ve had sex in a hot tub but no Canadian was present!
I’ve not been swimming in an infinity pool, but I’d love to … even if it was in Canada!
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BRAND SPANKING NEW
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Posted:Feb 26, 2017 12:17 pm
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2017 1:48 pm
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The phrase 'brand spanking new' allegedly stems from doctors smacking newborn babies to make them cry for them to start breathing.
But spanking is not new. The Online Etymology Dictionary traced its usage to 1727 though it is unable to specify its etymological origins other than suggesting that the word came about because it sounds like being spanked.
Mount Triglav, standing at well over 9,000 feet - see above, is the highest mountain in Slovenia, a beautiful country to visit. The mountain is a national symbol; it features on the country’s coat of arms and its coinage. Second World War Slovene resistance fighters were called Triglavkas.
There’s a Slovene tradition that anyone who makes it to the summit of Mount Triglav should be spanked. The former Slovenian President, Milan Kučan, proclaimed that it’s a duty of every Slovene to climb the mountain at least once in their lifetime. No wonder he’s a very keen mountaineer and BDSM enthusiast; this sentence is fake news, by the way!
Do you like spanking?
If so, are you a spanker or a spankee, or both?
What do you like being used when engaging in some spanking - a hand, paddle, tawse, cane, lash, whip or some other instrument?
Though spanking has a long history, I haven’t engaged in spanking for some time. Except for some very light pats on her bum cheeks, my girlfriend isn’t really into spanking.
But I do like spanking, both giving and receiving though I’m far more a spanker than a spankee. And I like a hand or a paddle best.
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I'M LOOKING FOR ADVICE AND EVEN A RECOMMENDATION
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Posted:Feb 23, 2017 1:15 pm
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2017 12:29 pm
76012 Views
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I’ve always had two e-mail accounts, one for work and one for non-work purposes. Many years ago, I stopped using my work e-mail address for non-work purposes as my employer, like most employers, monitors e-mails on their system.
It’s not that I’ve got anything to hide with my e-mails but I just resent this type of surveillance. I’m not one of those people who think if you’ve done nothing wrong then there’s no reason to hide. I just don’t want to want to live in a surveillance state or even a surveillance society. Like most people, I value my privacy.
My private e-mail account, a BT Yahoo! Account, is playing up big time; I don’t why as I’m not very IT-savvy. But there’s something wrong; my incoming mail and outgoing mail are all mixed up and I’m not getting much spam mail like I used to - not that I want spam mail but I realise by receiving spam it means my email account is working.
I’m looking for a new e-mail account. I don’t want to pay for this service and I don’t want to be greeted by too many adverts where one accidental click leads to an advert. And I’d like my new e-mail system to be easy to use without all the extras - I just want to send and receive e-mails.
I don’t want to subscribe to Google and the like who want to harvest all my personal information to use for the profit. I just want to communicate!
Apart from social media accounts, how many e-mail accounts do you have?
Can you recommend a basic but free e-mail service to me?
Trump Street and Russia Row are two adjoining streets in central London. The CIA doesn’t need to investigate Trump’s links with Russia; the evidence is here!
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FAKE NEWS, ALTERNATIVE FACTS AND ALL THAT JAZZ
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Posted:Feb 20, 2017 12:35 pm
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2017 11:16 am
76301 Views
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Fake news, alternative facts and post-truth politics are all doing my head in.
So-called facts need interpretation and there’ll always be alternative interpretations of the same observation. People holding competing and even conflicting interpretations will argue things out, and this argument and the subsequent collection and reinterpretation of evidence will eventually lead to one interpretation to be widely accepted as truth.
This is science!
If someone rolls up a towel, normally used to dry ourselves, and places the towel along the bottom of the door to keep a room warmer, is the object a towel or a draught-excluder?
Below are nine snippets of news:
1. Donald Trump grabbed Theresa May’s pussy - sorry, I meant hand - when the British Prime Minister visited the White House because allegedly Trump has a fear of walking down steps. On returning to Britain, Theresa May said, "I don’t think I have received such a big hand since I walked down the colonnade at the White House." This just proves Donald Trump has a big … hand!
2. Once I abstained from sex for well over 17 years!
3. The Queen has a special toilet in Nottingham which only she can use! The toilet is regularly cleaned even though she, unlike Prince Harry, rarely visits the city
4. About three years ago my cock - nothing to do with me - won the top cock contest held on this site; the CIA found no evidence of Russian hacking, Chinese cocks played fair and there were no illegal Mexican cocks entered in this very divisive and heated contest - please see the TOP COCK blog post for the pre-truth account of this seminal election!
5. The former Prime Minister and now revolutionary, Tony Blair, has just called on British people to "rise up" against Brexit; clearly Blair is a communist!
6. Jeremy Corbyn, the Leader of the Labour Party, went to my old school though I never had the pleasure of being his fag!
7. Very recently a Cambridge University student, who just happens to be a Tory, on being asked for money by a homeless man on the street decided that the best thing to do was not to give money or walk on by but instead to burn a £20 note in front of the homeless man - don’t you just love the rich?!
8. My brother’s wife’s sister’s husband was the bodyguard who survived the car crash in which Princess Diana died.
9. In a recent interview, Samantha Cameron, the wife of the former Prime Minister David Cameron, has just admitted that one of their favourite sex acts is for her to be hogtied and pout like a pig for him to slip his cock in to be sucked off!
What snippet of news above is fake news?
Post-truth politics suggests there’s no truth allowing politicians to ignore those very annoying and inconvenient facts that undermine their interpretation. Of course, more people witnessed Donald Trump’s inauguration than Barack Obama’s inauguration if that’s the post-truth world we want to live in.
Post-truth politics merely justifies the lies of certain politicians.
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BLOGLAND IS IN DECLINE, OR IS IT?
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Posted:Feb 16, 2017 1:17 pm
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2022 8:48 am
80224 Views
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Declinism is the belief that things are tending towards decline. The term declinism was coined by the German historian, Oswald Spengler, in his book published in 1918, The Decline of the West.
I see declinism in blogland - bloggers observing that blogland is not what it used to be.
Also I see declinism in older people - things aren’t like they used to be. I see declinism in Britain - Britain is better off leaving a declining Europe. I see declinism in America - Trump got elected allegedly to make America great again. I see declinism in the West - the West is a debauched and spent force. I see declinism in humanity - the so-called natural world is being fucked over by humans which will fuck us over. I see declinism in this planet - scientists often see Earth as a fragile planet waiting to be swallowed up in a black hole.
In a survey conducted two years ago, 70 per cent of British adults think "things are worse than they used to be" and 55 per cent believed their own lives have deteriorated despite the fact that British people are richer, healthier and live longer than ever before.
On one level, declinism is inevitable - we produce, we consume; things start, things end; we live, we die!
But some psychologists have tried to explain these bouts of declinism as a memory problem. Psychologists have found that we tend to view our past positively and our future negatively.
For psychologists, declinism is "a trick of the mind" and "an emotional strategy, something comforting to snuggle up to when the present day seems intolerably bleak." Psychologists talk about the "reminiscence bump", meaning that older people most remember the best events when they were younger. Psychologists are saying that older people filter out the bad events when younger and the good events when older.
Is your life worse now than it was?
Do you think things are worse that they used to be?
Do you think blogland has declined since you joined?
I look back fondly on my past not least because I survived. The future is always fearful because I may not survive it!
The first painting above is Thomas Cole’s 1836 painting The Course of Empire - The Destruction. I don’t know the artist of the painting below and I’d be grateful if someone can tell me who painted it, but it seems to portray debauchery at the end of the Roman Empire.
PS. I've now been expertly told by joisygirl that the painting below is Thomas Couture's The Romans of the Decadence, painted in 1847.
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SOME KNOBS OF BUTTER
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Posted:Feb 10, 2017 12:22 pm
Last Updated:Mar 1, 2017 3:05 am
77299 Views
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I love butter - buttered toast, buttered sandwiches, buttered teacakes, buttered crumpets, buttered pikelets, buttered scones, buttered potatoes, buttered carrots, buttered mashed potato, corn on the cob served with butter, butter chicken, bread and butter pudding, roux sauce, butterscotch sauce, garlic butter and all things buttery.
I love butter so much that I have a knob of toast on my butter!
Butter is a bit like beer, wine, red meat, bacon, sausages, coffee, cereal, crisps, biscuits and chocolate in that food experts claim that too much is bad for your health.
Like many people, I get quite confused with the alleged health risks of food; it always seems that the best foods are the worst foods for your health as if the powers-that-be are conspiring to deny people a lot of pleasure!
But butter has a very long history. In France, by the 1860s the supply of butter could not keep up with its demand so Napoleon offered a prize for a cheap butter alternative to be developed. Margarine was thus invented in 1869; margarine is an inferior imposter!
Margarine sales have long outstripped butter sales in America and Europe because margarine is cheaper and allegedly healthier than butter.
Do you like butter?
Have you ever used butter for sexual purposes?
Butter is too good to waste on sex! But I have butter-churned when having sex - see the last photo below!
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"WELL, SOMEBODY HAD TO DO THIS"
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Posted:Feb 3, 2017 12:27 pm
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2017 7:06 am
74009 Views
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The Icelandic Phallological Museum, located in Reykjavik, is the world’s only museum devoted to penises. The museum’s founder and curator, Sigurður Hjartarson - see photo immediately above, on asked why he has spent well over 40 years collecting penises, explained, "Well, somebody had to do this."
Established in 1997, the Icelandic Phallological Museum has the world's largest display of penises. The museum houses a collection of 280 specimens from 93 species of animals. The largest penis is a sperm whale penis measuring nearly six feet and the smallest penis is a hamster penis measuring two millimetres in length.
In 2011, the museum obtained its first human penis. Though pickled, it is now very shrivelled. But I think any penis would be shrivelled in Iceland!
The documentary, The Final Member, was made to tell the story of the race between three men to be the first to get their penis to be exhibited in the museum. The race was won by the 95-year-old Icelandic man, Pall Arason.
Having lost the race to have his penis as the first museum exhibit, Tom Mitchell has now offered to donate his penis to the museum while still alive. The Californian wants to have his penis surgically removed so it can be displayed in the museum because, in the words of a museum official, "He says it would be ‘funny’ to visit his own penis in a museum"!
Tom Mitchell calls his penis 'Elmo' and regularly sends the Icelandic Phallological Museum photos of his cock in fancy dress - see below for a few of his offerings.
Do you think Tom Mitchell is mad?
If in Iceland, would you visit the Icelandic Phallological Museum?
I guess this is Tom Mitchell’s moment for immortality, but I hope he doesn’t get to be the first man to donate his penis while still alive. I’m currently in deep discussions with the Icelandic Phallological Museum with a plan for a live penis from a 70-year old resident of the White House!
Though I’ve been to Reykjavik, I never went to the Icelandic Phallological Museum because I didn’t know about its existence, but I’d definitely visit the museum if and when I return to Iceland.
For those interested in the history of Napoleon’s penis, please see the NAPOLEON39S PENIS post.
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A BLACK AND WHITE WEDDING
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Posted:Feb 1, 2017 12:19 pm
Last Updated:Mar 1, 2017 3:03 am
77723 Views
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I’ve only been married once; here'ss the pathetic and sorry tale of my black and white wedding.
I agreed to get married within two weeks of meeting and I married within six months of meeting my wife-to-be. I do like to spend time engaging in patient courtship!
When I told my parents of my plans to get married, they didn't even know I had a girlfriend never mind having met her. In my parents’ lounge and just a few days before Christmas Day, I announced that I was getting married.
My Dad thought I was joking and just carried on reading his Farmer’s Weekly magazine. My Mum looked at me. I looked back and said it was true. She then got up to crack open a bottle of champagne; we all drank champagne pretending to celebrate while my shocked parents were no doubt contemplating the madness of it all.
Though not religious, I stupidly agreed to marry in a church. The wedding was a very pretentious affair - a large black-and-white wedding; it was the 1980s after all!
Every wedding guest dressed in black and white, except one person; and everything was black-and-white at the wedding and reception, as far as possible.
At the church, the bride came up the aisle with my friend playing Joy Division’s Love Will Tear Us Apart on the organ. After getting wed, we walked down the aisle to Lou Reed’s Perfect Day song. I wanted Lou Reed’s Walk On the Wild Side but that was vetoed by my bride-to-be’s mother after she heard the lyrics of the song.
At the reception, everything was decked out in black and white. Champagne and white wine flowed - we ordered many bottles of the 'classy' Black Tower white wine. The food consisted of mushroom soup, chicken in a white sauce served with mashed potato and aubergine, the vegetable nearest to black in colour, and Black Forest gateau with cream.
There were two best men. I love wedding speeches! There was a free bar. The wedding reception soon became a drunken affair. By the end of the evening, I was too drunk to fuck despite offers of help!
My marriage was only consummated the next day; little did I know then that I did have a little window of opportunity after the wedding to call the marriage off!
The first night of our honeymoon was spent in a luxury hotel in London. Then we drove up to Scotland to spend two weeks in Edinburgh, Glasgow and the Isle of Skye. I had to take some work with me on honeymoon, which very understandably didn’t go down very well with my wife.
Also, I stupidly agreed to stay a week in an isolated missionaries’ cottage with no television. I missed many football games of the 1986 World Cup, including England’s game against Argentina when England lost to Maradona’s 'hand of god' goal.
Divorced after four-plus years, and not counting the two years separation, my marriage still stands as one of my longest relationships I’ve had with a woman!
Have you been married? If so, how many times?
Do you have fond memories of your wedding day (or wedding days)?
How long has been your longest relationship with a partner?
I had a great time at my wedding, not least because geese weren't invited, but I didn’t have a great time in my marriage. If only we could wed without getting married!
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A CAT WITH FIVE NAMES
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Posted:Jan 28, 2017 12:28 pm
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2017 11:44 am
78491 Views
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This post is my contribution to the twenty-seventh virtual symposium organised by the supreme cult leaderess, pocogato12. Please visit the Virtual Symposium Group's Participant List for #27Virtual Symposium Topic CATS post to read other contributions to the 'Cats' virtual symposium.
I like dogs and I like cats. I used to like dogs more than cats but now I like cats more than dogs. The reason I switched from dogs to cats is my pet cat shown above.
His name was Smith, though he was called Smudge when collected from a cat rescue home. The rescue home named him as he arrived without a name in mysterious circumstances.
He was a very big cat. I was looking for a kitten, but when I saw that Smudge was the longest serving cat in the rescue home, this bruiser of a cat was coming to my home!
His named was changed to Smith, named after my then favourite footballer, Alan Smith of the mighty Leeds United.
Smith was a Manx cat, renowned for being tail-less. Manx cats tend to have a bit of in them! Smith was always around, loyal, very loving, fearless and tough. Never mind defending himself against dogs, Smith would attack them first!
When I changed jobs and moved cities, a friend looked after Smith. Smith became Alan, as she didn’t like the name Smith.
When I bought a city centre apartment and was thus unable to have a cat in my new home, Smith moved to my parents’ home. And Smith became Percy as their neighbour’s surname was Smith; they didn’t want to be shouting their neighbour’s surname to get the cat in from outside.
When my Mum was diagnosed with motor neurone disease meaning that she could no longer walk and talk; Percy was her constant companion sleeping with her day and night.
And when my Mum died, Percy turned his affection to my Dad, who used to hate cats - when on the farm he used to round up newly born kittens, put them in a sack with a brick inside and throw the tied-up sack into a big vat of water!
But Percy won my Dad around. When my Dad died, Percy moved to my then girlfriend’s house. There, he became both Percy and Smith. And there he died after his kidneys packed in.
Smith was the best!
How much do you like cats?
What words do you associate with cats?
For me, cats are aloof, independent, proud, wilful and ungrateful. They have attitude, an attitude I love. Cats are tarts!
Below are a few Simon’s Cat cartoons. created by the British animator Simon Tofield, that hopefully encapsulate the attitude of cats.
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SCROTOXICATED!
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Posted:Jan 27, 2017 11:11 am
Last Updated:Feb 10, 2017 1:38 pm
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Botox treatments are increasingly common. Botox is a synthetic neurotoxin that blocks the release of a chemical signal from nerves to muscles, thus reducing muscle contraction or, in my opinion, causing muscle stiffness!
After Botox there’s now Scrotox - Botox for the male scrotum. I am wincing as I’m typing this!
One cosmetic surgeon, John Mesa, calls Scrotox treatment as "ball ironing" and he claims that Scrotox treatment will be increasingly popular amongst men.
His reasoning is that the man’s scrotum loses elasticity over age and becomes wrinklier. He thinks that men increasingly will want to iron out their wrinkles on their scrotum. He adds that Scrotox treatment also makes the man’s testicles look bigger, which will be another selling-point for Scrotox.
"Technically, it’s more painful to get Botox in your groin than in your face because it is a much more sensitive area", Dr Mesa says. "But we minimize that with a topical anesthetic. And once the numbing meds kick in, you won’t feel anything."
A single Scrotox treatment lasts about 40 minutes, costs between $500 and $800 per session, and lasts up to four months. That’s a lot of expensive pain for wrinkle-free balls for a few months!
If you have balls, would you consider Scrotox?
If you like balls, do you think wrinkle-free balls are a better look than wrinkly balls?
There’s no way I’d have a Scrotox treatment; and, if I did, I’d have to be very intoxicated to get Scrotoxicated!
I prefer to wear my wrinkly balls with pride.
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