Really? It's been over a year since I blogged?
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Posted:Nov 12, 2009 9:25 pm
Last Updated:Apr 1, 2010 5:27 am
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I looked and yes It's been over a year since I blogged. Hmmm...If you've read my previous blogs then you know my writings can be very long. So I'll only give you the basics of the last year. I'm not seeing the guy from the blogs before this anymore. That situation just became a little weird and it didn't seem as if he respected the fact that I had . Became a lil' too attached to me..at least it seemed that way to me. Went to the Christmas party at the beginning of Dec last year with him and that was the last time I saw him.
Mr and I opened a thrift store in December. I guess I didn't think this venture would consume a huge part of my life. Who was I kidding? I think we spend more time in the store than we do at home. It started with Us, his twin brother and sister in law. In the beginning the agreement was, they would be silent partners. I was supposed to manage the store and Mr was supposed to manage the warehouse. They were in essence, workers/employees..they would do what we as managers said. They weren't so silent. She pulled out of the deal and wanted her name off all the paper work..at least 3 times. Finally, after the 3rd time, I quickly found the paperwork online and got them to her. He later pulled out..hmmm well maybe I sorta coaxed him to quit. He wasn't doing what needed to be done to get the business off the ground. I just kinda pointed it out to him, he didn't like it...yadda yadda yadda. He finally turned in his key about a month later.
The business is surviving. We're in the red but I've been told that happens with alot of businesses in the beginning. Currently looking for a loan to try and keep it going. But we're keeping our fingers crossed that it keeps afloat.
I've actually sold alot of pieces of my art through the store.  Christmas is coming so maybe I'll sell many more.
Since the Christmas party, I hadn't really had time to go in the chatroom til recently. Well, maybe the last two months or so. My plan was just to chat in the chatroom not really find a guy. Maybe a guy really far away and just chat with him. Well it didn't really turn out that way.
I spotted a profile. It wasn't a cockshot..bonus! I was a very tasteful pic of a guys chest and abs and believe it or not he actually had pants on! His about me part was very simple, very short. It didn't contain anything pertaining to his tool size..bigger bonus! I wrote him and he wrote back with a face pic! We exchanged personal addys and chatted further. He seemed like a nice guy. I couldn't tell if his face pic was cute or not. I told him about my girl and I trying to figure out if he was cute or not. In one of our chats he suggested he come up to the store so we could judge in person. I jokingly suggested he bring DD coffee. Guess what he did..hmmmm huge smile. Oh yeah I forgot to tell you, he's in his late 30's. I guess I've lost my cougar cub status.
I'm actually glad I changed my age preference. I have a wonderful time with him. Whether we stay in or go out. I guess it really IS the person and not the place you go that makes the date great. Sometimes I feel guilty going out and having fun without Mr but it seems to be the only thing that keeps me from going insane. I love getting away with a great person, we seem to click very well. He is a gentleman, and a hottie! I don't feel I have to dumb myself down or explain the meaning of the big words to talk to him...ya know?
He's so wonderful, like I said he's a perfect gentleman. I have a really great time with him. I absolutely love talking to him. He listens to what I have to say, and actually remembers what I said. He seems to want to really learn about me. He seems to 'get' me...if that makes any sense. I really like spending time with him..I'm happy when I'm with him. Maybe it's the 'new car smell'..maybe it's the fact that I don't have to listen to people bit*hing, or ...hmmm or grown as* men argue. I don't have to listen to anyone complain when I'm with him. I put all of that out of my mind. He says the sweetest things and all I can say is 'awwww'. I look forward to seeing or chatting with him. I hope he pops into the store so I can hug him too long or sneak a kiss when he walks in. I guess I should explain..I'm not cheating..Mr knows I go on dates with him.
The only thing is I seem to think about him ALOT! When I know I'm going to see him I'm all smiles. My art is great! I'm getting so much inspiration from spending time with him! I'm working on so many projects right now. For all I know it could be just that I could clear my mind of everything that I have to think about all week. I think Mr is starting to get jealous. He's been hinting about a threesome with the new guy involved. I just kind of shrug it off and change the subject. I like that it feels like I'm having an affair without really having one. He says I talk about the new guy alot. Other than the store and the what else am I going to talk about? Sometimes it feels like he's trying to turn me into an old person before I want to be one! At first, Mr didn't really want to go to clubs and bars..when we did, we were leaving way before I wanted to. Now he's wanting to go to the parties. After lil' more than 5 years, I've finally figured out who I am and what I want. Maybe I'm having my mid-life crisis...lol. I thought I could have a fwb relationship with a guy and let it be just that. I'm not saying I love the guy or anything...but I think I really like the new guy and the feelings can only get stronger. Maybe the new-ness of the marriage has worn away. I don't want to stop seeing this guy...but I don't want Mr to be worried about losing me. I really don't think that's going to happen.
Maybe it's a mistake for me to only see one other person at a time. But I'd rather be safe than sorry. Besides I think the more times you play with someone the better it gets
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Hmmmmmmm
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Posted:Oct 13, 2008 10:45 am
Last Updated:Oct 13, 2008 2:09 pm
2545 Views
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Okay, so I got to go out this weekend. There was a meet, like an hour to 2 hours away. Rather than, take such a long drive for something I wasn't even sure I was going to enjoy. I decided that if I was going out, I was gonna stay local. A new movie came out over the weekend, I really wanted to see it. I posted on my IM, asking who wanted to go see it with me. I got a few offers. Not many sounded good. It seemed as if the deal was, I get to see the movie, they get a....ummm...'treat' for taking me. Or we miss the movie because they were planning on making out/groping throughout the whole movie. That is totally not what I wasn't looking for. It had to be a late movie because I didn't want to abandon the family and make them clean up after the sale, so that was also a factor in my decision of staying local.
I did get a good offer. If I couldn't find someone else to go with, he'd go with me (it was the guy from previous blogs/dates). For some silly reason, I decided to weigh my options for a bit. On Saturday, I texted him (yes I prefer texting over actually talking on the phone) to see if the offer still stood. Yay!!! the offer was still on the table. I was glad, not only because I get to go see the movie, but also I like hanging out with him. I know that unless I'm ready to play with him, it's not going to happen and he's not going to annoy me by pushing the issue...you know? Although, when we're casually chatting with other guys, it seems as if he has to 'prove' that he's my date. That's probably not the correct term but I've noticed that, not all the time but sometimes he has to move behind me and put his arms around my waist when were standing in a group of mostly guys. Hasn't annoyed me yet but it's cute. (oops, I'm getting ahead of myself, that was later in the date)
So we got to the movie theatre, (and didn't get lost..hehe). I'm trying to think of the last movie I saw at a theatre...hmmm 'Casper' with the and 'What's Love Got to Do With it' with Mr. The movie was dry at times but it turned out to be pretty good. He let me choose where we sat. I picked seats close to the aisle toward the back. He suggested sitting in the corner in the back. Not sure if he was joking or not but hmmm, I was hoping to actually see the movie. I also think there's a place and time to play. A place where someone's are possibly going to see you is not the place. I wouldn't want my to see that so why make other people explain to their why that guy's hand is disappearing under that chicks clothing....you know?
I figured out why I like going on dates. When I go out with another guy, every other sentence isn't about what method we need to use to straighten out our ' attitude, or what bill is coming due. I'm free to be me. I free to for a moment forget that I have , responsibilities...you know? It's a vacation from my job as a stay at home mom.
There was no groping, I don't remember exactly but there may have not been any kissing in the theatre. I held his hand, he put his hand on my leg, I held his arm. (I so love human contact/signs of affection, I totally live up to my zodiac sign) I'm so sure he wanted to do more in the theatre but he was a perfect gentleman. I'm so gonna hate when he finds a gf because he won't be able to hang out with me anymore. Then it's back to the drawing board.
I haven't really been actively looking for someone new to play with. I haven't actually played with anyone since I've come back to the site. Not that I haven't had offers, just deciding to take my time and get to know people before I take it to the next step. There are probably 3-4 guys I'm genuinely interested in. (by the way, none of them are in their 20's..I'm finally making changes in my attitude toward guys closer to my age.) One pushes the issue sometimes. Makes me feel the only thing he's interested in is sleeping with me. Sometimes, I'm afraid that if I do actually meet him, he will expect not just hope for..ummm..something at the end of the meeting/date. He seems to be a nice guy so far. So, I'll just continue to chat for a bit and see if it lessens or gets worse.
Okay so back to the date (sorry, it's becoming another long one) After the movie, we went to a bar near my house. I kept watching the door hoping that no one I knew came in. Mostly my sis in law or one of her friends. Not that I'm ashamed of my and Mr's lifestyle, I just didn't feel like explaining it to them. We have a don't ask, won't tell policy....you know. We got a chance to sit and chat for a bit. We got to the bar close to closing time so we had one drink and left. We stood outside for a smoke before we went in. Talked to a few guys. That's when my date just had to put his arms around my waist. One was hilarious, he was so drunk. He wasn't obnoxious drunk..just 'loving everybody' drunk, and his friend seemed to be annoyed with him. We just missed the bar fight, someone was getting kicked out just as we were going in. One chick in the bar was so lit..she was humping everybody..male or female. Gotta love those country town bars.
We stood outside and had a smoke before we left. We were talking to a couple of guys that had friends involved in the altercation in the bar. I'm finding that guys let hot chicks just jump into their conversations The fact that they were hotties was a bonus for me  Did I flirt? No. Did I want to? Yes. I don't usually go for bald guys but I so loved his eyes. The eyes are the windows to the soul. I was a good girl that night.
When we got back to my house. We kissed a few times, quite a few times. I so wanted to drag him inside and I know he would have went. But I like the way things are now. I'm afraid that if we take it to the next step, things will be different. It could ruin the friendship that we have now. I know it's so unfair to get him all worked up and then send him home. While I go inside and wake Mr. But then again, it's not fair to do something, if I'm not completely ready to handle the consequences. I feel like a friggin' high school girl saying this but it's what I'm thinking, I'm nothing but honest in my blog. I'm also afraid that if I don't take it to the next step soon, another chick who is willing to do it all, will come along....you know?
What have I learned from this experience? There are nice guys out there (other than Mr). Ones who take clues from the female to determine their actions, ones who don't grope you at every chance they get. I've also learned that guys around my age can be fun. I haven't been 'cutting them any slack'...you know? I use to automatically say no because of their age. The older guys, because of their experience can offer so much more than the younger ones. I'm not saying the younger ones can't be mature. I have found a few that are mature and can have very fulfilling conversations and not looking to just 'hit it and quit it'. At least, that's what they say. But they don't have the life experience the older ones do. I've been making some changes in my life and my self. I've another broken another mental barrier, that was keeping me from keeping my options open. I think that I could experience so much more with a guy closer my age or older. Although, a quick 'romp in the hay' is fun every once in a while, getting to know the person and being with them more than once could be oh so much more fulfilling, mentally and physically.
smooches
L
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Another Party, Another...ummm Friend
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Posted:Oct 7, 2008 7:46 am
Last Updated:Oct 7, 2008 7:49 am
2575 Views
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Okay so let me comment about the last blog first. Being an artist, my way of showing my feelings is through my art. Whether it be through poetry, writing, drawing, or three dimensional art, the piece says the things I can't say with words. I can't deal with confronting someone face to face so I write a letter. It doesn't matter if the subject of the letter ever sees it or not. It just purges the unwanted/unnecessary bad feelings from my mind. I know that the robber will never read the letter but I'm hoping that one person will read it and think twice about stealing from someone else. I feel the robber sees the victim, not as a person with real feelings but as a thing. I put it in a 'real person' sense, with real feelings, real fear, and real results...you know? I want to thank those of you who commented on the blog and sent words of encouragement. No matter what, I have to continue on in life. This definately isn't something to make me give up on life. It's a learning experience. It can only make me stronger. With my new (younger and more alert) for my home and my smith & wesson (pocketknife) at my side. I will go further in life more alert and hopefully with a stronger ability to see things/people for what they really are. God doesn't give you a situation that's too much to handle. It all depends on how you decide to deal with it.
Okay, enough of that serious stuff. About the party I last went to. I went with the same guy from the party before. I really like hanging out with him. He's a great guy and a totally genuine person, and his slight country accent drives me wild. I had a great time despite the fact that we got there really late. (side note to him..don't read this part..hehe) Oh and by the way I did notice that you wore your contacts and shaved for me He held my hand and opened doors for me, he even bought my drinks for me. He was a perfect gentleman...he even let me make the first move Good things come to those who wait. Like I said before, the old me wouldn't have given him a chance only because of his age, the new me is making some changes. I also, so like going to the meets with him because, first of all he doesn't tell me, 'I don't wanna hear about other guys your seeing/talking to'. He's not trying to sneak and play with me w/o Mr...you know?
When we go to meets, I'm not 'required' to be stuck at his side. I'm free to be the flirt that I am...oops did I type that...hehe. Hmmm hindsight is 20/20 but I'll save that story for another blog..I'm so sure this one is going to be long enough. Speaking of flirting....there is this guy in the chatroom that I play with all the time (only in the chatroom..get your mind out of the gutter  ) We have this on going joke about my "notes to self", and how I put them in his pockets. It carried over to me having to 'check his pockets' for my notes to self. I saw him at the meet before saturday and he was talking to someone so I just kinda flirted from afar (I'm so not a 'clitblocker'. I think he noticed because we kinda introduced ourselves in the chatroom the day after. I decided I wasn't going to let him get away without me at least saying 'hi', this time. And boy did I say 'HI'. For some reason when I hugged him, I so, could not resist kissing him. To my surprise, the kiss was so good I moaned. I had to kiss him again, and dayum!! For a second, I forgot I was with someone else, and it was so hard to pull myself away from him. I don't even know what it was about him, that made him so tempting. It felt like I had this 'goofy grin' on my face after he left.
My actual date and I went to breakfast with the group. It was pretty funny because everybody was sitting at the table texting eachother, like we were still in the chatroom sending private messages....lol. My date and I were e-flirting, it was sweet. Like I've always said, quality not quantity. The breakfast group wasn't that big but we all seemed to have a great time...I know I did I know you're wondering if we 'played' or not...well.....I'll just leave that to your imagination
I haven't chatted with my sexy far away boytoy in a while. I think that 'ship is starting to sail'. Not that I've lost interest in him. That's definately not the case. I totally would love to meet him...just to say 'hi' for real. Just to have a drink with a person that is so like me..I think that's a once in a lifetime experience, at least, I think so. Maybe, like I said before, things happen for a reason. I'd lost interest in my art. I hadn't created a new piece in months before I started chatting with him. He is the inspiration for an excellent piece with a very deep meaning (of which I'll probably never want to sell). I've since gained interest in my art again, my mind is filled with ideas for new pieces, thanks to the inspiration he gave me. I do miss chatting with him, alot, I did and still do consider him, my friend in some way. I was able to tell him things I couldn't tell anyone else. Hmmm forever is never a promise...you know? But it was most excellent while it lasted. Maybe sometime in the future we'll unknowingly pass eachother in the street. After we pass, we'll both pause and get a mysterious happy feeling in our hearts. Then we'll continue walking with a smile on our faces knowing that some how a chapter in our lives is finally complete.
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A Letter to the Robber
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Posted:Sep 29, 2008 7:24 am
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2009 8:03 pm
2629 Views
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Dear Mr or Ms Robber:
I would like to thank you for taking my sense of security in my own home. I want to thank you for taking my faith and trust in people. I also want to thank you for breaking into my house and almost taking things that my husband and I worked our as*es off to get.
You kicked our door in, when we weren't home and planned on taking our things. Thank God our did his job and scared you away. I cringe to think what might have happened if the or I would have walked in when you were here. Our door is broken now and we have to buy the materials to fix it. We're going to 'beef up' the security in our home. I carry a pocket knife all the time now. Even when I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. My panic attacks have returned thanks to you. Have you ever had a panic attack, Mr/Ms Robber? It starts with a feeling of fear. Not just 'oh geez, that was scary', but 'Oh my effin God, WTF is goin' on?' Then, every scenario starts to go through your head of what could go wrong. Your body and brain are trying to synchronize their signals with each other. Your body is trying to release the correct reaction, while your brain is trying to figure out why you're so scared. Your entire body is numb with terror. Every muscle in your body gets tight and the muscles around your chest get even tighter. You don't know whether to cry or scream. It gets harder and harder to breathe and you get light headed, hoping you just pass out and when you wake up this awful feeling is over. I've learned to control my breathing thank goodness. From what I've heard it feels like a heart attack without the arm pain/numbness. You don't want to tell anyone about it because you're embarrassed and afraid people will think you're a weirdo. So you suffer in silence, and hope that one doesn't come on at an inopportune time.
Every little noise makes me look over my shoulder now. I'd just gotten use to leaving the door open when I'm home alone. Now every window is shut, every door is locked and every electronic device is turned down so I can hear what's going on in the other side of the house. I wonder if it would help or hurt to get a baby monitor and listen to the other side of the house? I use to enjoy my alone time in my queen-dom when the are in school. Now I'm afraid and spend my time fighting off the panic attacks.
I want to thank you for taking my faith and trust in people. When I walk down the street..of course with my pocket knife at my side. I'm going to look into people's eyes and think 'were you in my house with out my permission?' I was always aware of my surrounding when I walked before. Now I'll be even more alert and will probably get on my ' last nerve reiterating it to them.
Mr and I don't have much, the majority of what we have is secondhand. If someone is in need and we can spare it we'll have no problems helping someone them out. You didn't get as far as actually taking anything but the fact that you kicked our door and prepared to take things out of our house is scary enough. You inadvertently left something in our house but you've taken ooh, so much more.
So Mr/Ms Robber, I end this letter by saying I forgive you for what you've done, but I won't forget what you've really taken from me and my family. I hope you think long and hard before deciding to take someone's belongings. You are not only taking their possessions you're also taking their sense of security, and their piece of mind. Possessions can be replaced, a person's mental well being can not.
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Still Here, Kinda
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Posted:Sep 24, 2008 7:48 am
Last Updated:Sep 25, 2008 5:21 am
2700 Views
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Okay, so I haven't been in the chatroom alot lately. I haven't really signed into my IM either. Sometimes, I go as far as, going to the main chat page and see who's in there. But I don't enter the chatroom. I come to the site, and check my messages and then close the window. I went into the chatroom for a few minutes today, got bored really fast.
I think I've finally figured out what I'm looking for on here. I'm looking for that feeling you get when you're 'courting'. He opens doors, he's focused on everything you say and actually hears it. You can't wait to chat or see the person. They don't criticize everything you say. On a site like this it's hard to find something like that. Ummm when you're married it's even harder to find something like that, period.
Mr and I will be married 14 yrs in October. I really think the 'courting' period of our marriage is over. Being married to a twin, sometimes I feel like a 'third wheel'. We have a store on a certain site where you sell stuff....you know? At first, it was me and Mr. Now that his twin brother is not working, guess who gets to go with Mr when he searches for new items for the store?...ummm not me  They now plan the ads together. Like I said...I feel like a third wheel. If I talk to him about it, he'll probably say it's all in my head. So I just continue to do my own thing while they run the store. They're even talking about starting a resale shop. I'll probably end up being an owner in name only, while they run the store. Gawd!! I really need to find a local friend to hang out with. I think it's time to go to those boring sites where peeps are actually looking for friends.
For 'a minute', I'd thought my far away boytoy had lost interest in me. But it was just my crazy very active imagination. He was just very busy. Like my Dad says, 'think long, think wrong' hehe. I have a knack for putting too much thought into things.
So maybe I should quit thinking when I'm searching on this site and 'just do it'. Hmmm...but I guess that wouldn't be me. I'd probably end up in a worse situation than I'm in now. I don't mind just chatting with guys but nothing beats a little physical activity. But like I said before...so not looking to bring home a 'life time prize' for a little fun.
So here I sit...looking in vain for something that I may not even find on this site....you know?
Smooches
L
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sigh
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Posted:Aug 22, 2008 5:21 am
Last Updated:Sep 18, 2008 7:27 am
2492 Views
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Okay, so I'm still here. Still reaching for that seeemingly unattainable goal. It's something as simple as finding a like minded person to hang out with. If it turns into more than friends (i.e. sex buddies), as long as it doesn't jeopardize my marriage/family, that's just a bonus. Seems when I do find a possible candidate, they live hours away from me, they live in another state, hmmm or in another country, where the possibility of actually meeting seems almost impossible. Sometimes they reveal their weirdness in the first email. Sometimes they start off 'normal', and slowly turn into a weirdo.
I haven't really spent alot of time in the chat room lately. I think it lost it's 'new car smell'. At first, it was like 'oh yay!!, I'm back, adult conversations'....now I'm just seeing the fake profiles, the fake people, the bullies. Sometimes, it's just not worth it to go on. The bullsh*t outweighs the good conversation. It's like trying to visit with your friend and there's the visiting neighbor who keeps interupting your conversation. Standing on the table, throwing stuff, yelling....you know? Don't take it the wrong way, not everyone in there is one of the above. I've met some genuine people on this site. It's just, the parties are so far away to hang out with them every weekend. Besides, I have my little ones, they need me, more than I need to party every weekend.
I haven't talked to my far far away boytoy in over a week. He'd told me there was a possibility of not having access to the internet for a few weeks. I had some stuff to do the last day so I wasn't online much...I didn't even get to tell him 'have a safe trip'  This is friggin' killing me not being able to chat, laugh, joke...hmmm and flirt with him
I have started a new piece of art. It represents the chatroom. It shows the many aspects of the chatroom. The scrappers, the people 'in the rafters', the hot chick and all the guys the wanna 'holla at her', the hacker, the bot, and even the people who type in capitals. Oh, and it even has the lurker...hehe. I'm still working on it and it will have many more of the types of people from the chat room in it. But without my muse to help inspire me it's really going slow
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I Cammed!!
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Posted:Aug 7, 2008 11:29 pm
Last Updated:Sep 10, 2009 7:53 pm
2670 Views
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Okay so you can tell by the title what I did today...ummm yesterday, and the day before. I went on cam. I whole reason I wanted to go on cam was because I wanted my far away boytoy to see what I look like. For me, the best part of the meets is putting faces to the names/profiles that I've been chatting with. I think it gives me a chance to see if I really want to continue flirting with this person. Yeah, some have pictures on their profile, or they sent me a picture. Sometimes, people look so much better in person, than they do in pictures. He says he was glued to the screen when he saw me. But I did something that now that I've had time to think about, I'm wondering if I made a bad move. I flashed....everyone that was watching my cam. At one point, there was like 200+ people.
I've always taken pride in being one of the classy, sexy women in chat. Not saying I'm the classiest, or the sexiest (or most sexy, which ever one is correct). But I'd like to say, I think I rank fairly high on the charts, considering the compliments I've received on that. But then again, Beauty is in the eye of the beholder so I'm sure others have gotten their share of compliments depending on what others like.
I try not to be pushy when trying to meet someone. I try not to jump into everyone's conversation..even though it is open chat and basically, if you don't want people jumping into your conversation, don't respond or chat in private...you know? I try not to put all my business out there for everyone to see and/or critize.
Anyway, my point is....okay here comes that zodiac thing, questioning and thinking about my decisions way too much, when all along (I'm really hoping  ) everything is just fine. Since I did the cam flash, I've been thinking, 'maybe I showed him too much too soon, we haven't even met yet'. 'maybe he thinks I'm just one of those 'not so selective' girls that....ummmm expect sex on the first meeting.' I wonder do some think of me as...having no class...mainly does he see me differently. I seem to have been in a better mood since we've been able to chat more. Like I said, I think in the last blog, I've even been thinking of doing a series of pieces including the one I just finished. Or maybe a partner piece to that one.
I did have fun on cam today though. I think it totally boosted my self esteem. Hhhhhmmm okay, besides my legs, I thought one of my bigger assets was my eyes. I'd wondered what it would be like to be the one in the chat room or messenger that all wanted to make a comment to, why? because they can see that you're on cam so you must be a real person. I was getting great comments before the flashing. I guess I wanted to see what would happen if I took it a step further. I think I want to do it again. But until I find out what people..no I take that back...what his thoughts are, good or bad, not sure if I'm going to do anymore flashing  I just hope I didn't come on too strong....or skanky. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed until I get to chat with him again.
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Another One
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Posted:Aug 4, 2008 9:23 pm
Last Updated:Aug 9, 2008 2:19 pm
2556 Views
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So I went to the party saturday. I had a blast, I met some new people and saw some of the people I'd met before. It was good to see the old peeps and just..ummm 'let my hair down'. I went with the guy that really wanted to take me. Hmmm...I really hope this doesn't insult him but I have to be totally honest with the different feelings I had in different situations. Like I've said before, I hope that at least one person reads my blog and seriously decides to rethink their approach to this site....you know? He's not totally what I went for the last time, and he's not really the look I had in mind when I came back. He's much older than my idea of boytoy. I don't usually go for facial hair...but he has a mustache and a beard, not full but trimmed. I totally melt for dark features (i.e. hair, eyes)...hmmm. I do have to give him 'props' for the tight abs/chest though...yum In the end....I'm totally glad I went with him, he was way fun to hang out with. He was by no means possessive.
I told myself I wasn't going to drink enough to give body shots but guess what I did. I gave my date one, then I gave a female one. The bar owner was really cool about it. He walked by and goes...'body shots..yeah, that's what I'm talking about'. He was so totally cool about the group and what goes on at the meets. I'm not going to tell you exactly what happens at the meets, only partially what happened to me. Because...what happens at the meets stays at the meets. If you want to know it all...I guess you'll have to go and see for your self
I was able to be flirty..within reason of course. Would never do something my date is uncomfortable with. He wasn't 'glued' to my side...you know? And ya know what?...I think some people were genuinely glad to see me again. I guess I shouldn't have judged the whole on the actions of a few. Remember, I told you I was an emotional person? Hmmmm...would part of that be making decisions before thinking about it 
I think, last minute I convinced someone to go. I really didn't think he was going to show up. I hadn't checked my email before I left. There was a reply to my email to him, about going. HE was what I usually go for, young buck, tight bod. Although I don't think he has dark hair, he is a cutie. I spotted him across the room. I stared a couple times waiting for him to look my way. When I thought I saw him looking my way, hmmm I looked away  Hmmm, I wanted to be bolder this time. After asking a few people who he was I finally went over to find out for my self...and woohoo it was him I guess I'd had enough 'beer muscles' by then.
I chatted with him for a bit, when we went out for smokes. Hmmm...darn the bucks and their power over my..... Well anyway, he said he had a good time at the meet. Definitely hope he cums....ummm comes to more parties. I had to sneak a grope and hmmm, I'll take that with breakfast in the morning....oops..did I say that out loud I'm finding men are willing to let hotties get away with...ALOT  ...some do have boundaries but the alcohol doesn't make it better...it's cute though.
We even went to breakfast with the group. I'd missed those when I was off the site. To just sit there and chat some more about the night. To flirt one more time with the person you were interested in at the party. To just hang out with the group and laugh and try and sober up before the long....long.....long drive home...lol (another inside joke ) By the time we go to breakfast, Mr's usually just ready to go home I like going with a date, most of the time, they're trying so hard to 'please' you they'll do anything you want to do...ummm..well within rea...oh never mind you already know. This time I didn't feel any pressure to have to...uummm 'pay' him for taking me out. There wasn't any talk of..'so let's go to my/your place after breakfast/instead of breakfast' He was genuinely being nice. That was a pleasant change from the norm.
Okay I know this is a really long blog already but one more thing..okay maybe two. About the piece of art I mentioned in the last blog. I've decided to let it remain untitled and let my inspiration name the piece. I'm still working on it..I'm so glad I have my muse back and it's still going strong. I'm already starting to think of the next piece I'm going to do...Maybe a series of pieces. I put my inspiration's initial in the piece. If he ever gets to see it, I'll show him where it is. Hey, if anything if it ever goes to a gallery and he finds out about it being there. He could always go and see it and tell his grandkids, 'I was the inspiration for this piece I use to chat with this hot older artist from a chat room. See there's my initial on it'. And the grand will say, 'grandpa, you're hallucinating again, take your medicine'....lol
I heard something today and even though it's still tentative, I can't help but get a huge goofy grin on my face. What is it that I heard today? Well, It's like a birthday wish..if I tell it won't come true That was just a message to the person that told me...Well I had to tell somebody!! smooches
Thanx for reading my blog
smooches
L
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Smooches to My Inspiration
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Posted:Aug 2, 2008 9:25 am
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2008 12:13 pm
2664 Views
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Okay so here I am again, to update you on my progress. Not much has happened since that last party I went to. There's a meet tonight, I've received a few invitations to go. There's one guy that was at the other meet that really wants to be my date, and I have an invite from a much, younger guy. I guess I need to make a choice soon, I haven't seen the guy from the other party online all day yesterday. Maybe I waited too late and he already has a date. I'm finding you have to 'work' really fast if you want to meet/hang out with someone from here. Hmmm...but if they're getting dates really fast, and not the same person, could that be a sign, that they're not really the person you want to hang out with? I'm such a procratinator, I'll eventually figure it out.
The first time I was on this site, when there was a party coming up, I was like, 'Oh my gosh, I HAVE to be at that party' if Mr. didn't feel like going, I found a date. If the date didn't show up, I had a crappy attitude for the rest of the night. I was addicted to the chatroom. I had to be in there to find out the latest information. I'd spend hours a day in there.
Now, it's not so important to go in there everyday for hours a day. Sometimes, I just come in, check my email and not even enter the chatroom. It's not important to meet new people all the time. I think I like being a mystery. Definately don't want to get a reputation of sleeping around...that's definately not me. It's not a priority that I go to the parties, they're always so far away. Kinda blows the alcohol buzz and the sexual high having to drive an hour or more to get home. By the time you get there, you just want to go to sleep. This time, not trying to be in the 'In' crowd. This time, I'm going to stick to my quality not quantity policy.
So, in my last blog, I told you that I'm finally getting my muse back (big smile). And boy....did it come back big time. If you've seen my artwork, you know that alot of it is miniatures. I've had this piece of copper tubing, I'd already started shaping it into a flower. I was gonna use this huge (2 1/2-3 ft) navy bullet shell as the 'vase'...umm until someone suggested we have it checked out. It still has the blasting cap in it!! Enough power to blow a hand off. I really don't think the art gallery would appreciate an exploding piece of art...lol. So the tubing just sat around for another year. Earlier this week, I pulled it out after staring at it all day, it was peeking around the speaker that I'd put it behind, a long time ago. I manipulated it so it was free standing. Then I started making the center and the petals. I was in a zone, every morning Mr would find me in the dimmed kitchen, working.
I could never have a studio away from the home. Although, I work late at night or really early in the morning, when everyone's sleeping, I like knowing that my family is right there. Some artists play music while working...my 'music' is the sounds of my family, my house. The annoying eachother, trying to see who could make the other yell, 'sstoooooop' first. Mr yelling at his favorite team. The following me where ever I go in the house, sometimes I trip over him because he sits so close to me. The cat scratching at the door to get in the room, and the goofy cartoons on t.v. that I watch/listen to most of the day.
So anyway....back my newest piece. I mentioned that I usually create miniature pieces. This flower is 3 ft tall. The flower part with the petals is at least a foot across (petal to petal). My favorite saying is 'a piece of art is never finished, only abandoned'. I know that's totally true I've added to pieces that were two or more years old, myself. So I guess I could say I'm not at the point where I want to abandon this piece yet. I think there is still alot more I could do with this piece.
My inspiration for this piece?.....my far away boytoy  Remember the guy I told you about, the one that I've chatted with and lives far away. The one that is so like me, that I totally want to meet, but the possibility of meeting is so far in the future but not totally impossible. As I was assembling this piece, it turned out that I had two of everything. Two leaves, two tiny people, 8 petals (4 colors two of each) and two dragonflies. I even put inspirational words on the petals/leaves (i.e. peace, trust, courage, etc)...can you guess how many on each petal/leaf. When I get so far on a piece of art I just step back and stare at it. Trying to figure out what to do next. As I looked at the piece, none of the different 'partnered' parts actually touched. The dragonflies are flying in a straight line, if they continue on the straight path, they will never touch. Flower petals don't grow across the middle of the flower and connect, therefore the partnered petal colors will never touch. The little people are on two different levels of the stem, and although the leaves are across from eachother, one is slightly higher than the other. I took from my personal experience and put it into my art. Two beings that are so alike, yet have never crossed paths, and the possibility of actually meeting/touching is slim to none.
I know, I know, it seems like I'm getting all mushy and stuck on him. Not the case at all, and that's the cool thing about him. Us being the same zodiac sign..and totally living up to the descriptions of people, of our zodiac signs. We are very emotional people, very touchy feely people, quality to quantity when it comes to friends. Which kinda screws me when I meet a new guy, because he mistakes my touchy-feely nature and only wanting to hang out/play with one person at a time, for posessivness, hmmmm, 'liking him too much', so not the case. I have what I want at home, I more looking for someone who wants to hang out more than once, and the sex is a bonus...if it happens at all...you know? He gets that, he wants that too, but again, although he assures me that if you want something bad enough it's possible. When he says it...I imagine a knock at the door and there he is...'did I tell you, you suck today'..lol (inside joke ) I have a very active imagination..I'm an artist what can I say? hehe
But, I also believe that things happen for a reason. Maybe we were just meant to be far away friends, maybe my inspiration for a few really cool pieces of art. Lately, we don't get to chat much, he's working alot and it's kind of opposite times of day for us, day/night. Even when he comes back to the states, he'd have to pack a lunch to come and visit me...hehe. So I'm just gonna take it one day at a time. Although, I so look forward to our '30 second chats', and continue imagining the day we do get to actually meet. I have to keep in mind that he is there to work and he's not avoiding me when he doesn't get to chat...hehe. Ummm and things happen for a reason...when 'it's written in the stars' for us to meet, it'll happen if it's meant to happen at all. I guess, it's like a modern day pen pal
btw...still trying to think of a title for this piece..any suggestions would be helpful
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I Finally Finished That Sock Monkey
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Posted:Jul 20, 2008 12:17 pm
Last Updated:Jul 24, 2008 7:49 am
2770 Views
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Okay, for some, that may not be a big fat hairy deal, but for me, as an artist, it is. I think my inspiration for my art is finally coming back. I am finding my muse!! I can usually finish a sock monkey in 4-5 hours..of course hand sewn. It's taken me a friggin' week to finish this one. I simply haven't wanted to have anything to do with art. To the point where Mr. was noticing it.
The reason I'm talking about the monkey is because not only had I lost my muse, I also had writers block. You don't know how many times I'd wanted to blog, but I didn't know what to say or how to say it Although, quite a few things have happened since my last blog...I was at a loss for words. But now as I sit here, listening to Josh Groban (btw..my favorite singer ever) and I think about the past week. The words begin to come to me.
Since my return to the site, I've chatted with quite a few people. Some have made no impression on me, some good and some...hmmmm really bad impression. I've chatted with some offline and some I wish I hadn't even given my personal information....ugh.
Usually, almost right away I can tell if I really want to continue chatting with this person. Some of the clues... every other question is...'do you have anymore pics to share?' I'm not talking about face pictures, but nakey pictures. I've said it many many times, if I don't like your looks or personality, 'Mr. Wiggly' won't even make his debut.
I want someone who can make love to my mind before they make love to my body...you know? I'm looking for someone who's willing to wait for nakey pics of me. I'm looking for someone who wants to go out on an actual date. For those of you who don't remember what a date is...pick me up at home, knock on the door, go out, hang out, not a requirement to ummm..'thank you horizontally' when the date is over. Looking for someone who's willing to chat a few times before actually meeting face to face. Not looking for a one night stand, so not looking to bring home a 'lifetime prize' for wanting to have a little fun. Hmm..note to self: copy and paste that into my profile.
And speaking of that, if you're an avid reader of my blog, remember that sexy, funny, younger guy, who's so friggin' far away...I'm happy to say we're still chatting..big smile and a happy dance. He knows exactly what to say to make me smile or laugh and we have so much in common. I have to admit..I was totally skeptical about him at first. I questioned almost everything he told me. But this morning I chatted with him and I didn't compare everything he said, to my past experiences. I actually felt I didn't need to be skeptical anymore. I actually believed that he's not in it just for the sex. Why else would he chat with me for so long, when there are so many other girls in his own area that he could start making a connection with. Not gonna tell you exactly what he said because that would be TMI 'Just the facts ma'am' I want others to learn from my experiences but I don't give too many details. That would be a violation of the trust that is forming between me and the other person. Gotta leave some details to the imagination
Yes, I joke around and participate in the sexual innuendos in the room but I'm so not one of those people that come in the chat room...'Guess who I fu**ed last night' or 'hey, you were great last night'..and actually mean it...you know?
So I'll end this blog by saying, everything happens for a reason, and I truly believe there's a reason I met this guy. Whether it's, to just be friends, or to be bed buddies, I don't know. I just know I'm gonna enjoy the 'ride' right up until the moment the operator says, 'please exit to the right, and watch your step'
Oh yeah..this is a side note to him so don't read this...lol
Did I tell you, you suck today?
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changes
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Posted:Jul 15, 2008 9:35 am
Last Updated:May 23, 2024 3:35 pm
2407 Views
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Okay so I've decided to post a face picture and see what happens. At this point, I'm not worried about the repercussions. I really don't think anything bad will come of it. What am I so worried about? It's a website, I can always shut the window down.
Okay, so an update on my progress. I've gone to my first meet and greet since I've been back, it was fairly successful. I've received a few more friend requests, I've sent out a few requests. Still not sure if I really want to meet anyone one on one yet. I like going to the meets and maybe one night I'll...hmmm drunkenly decide I want to play with someone but other than that, I think I'm good just chatting. It's not that I haven't received invitations to meet one on one, or for a threesome w/Mr. I think, the first time, I was so eager for people to like me, I became someone that was so, not me. I think I'm going to have a 'better head on my shoulders' this time.
Oh, about the guy that only wanted more nakey pics. I haven't chatted with him in a while, so hopefully he got the message. I hate doing that, I usually just come out and tell people I'm not interested, but this time I initiated the chat so now I don't know what to do. And the other guy I told you I was chatting with, hmmmm, what can I say about him because I know he's gonna read this (smooches). It's nothing bad though. He's such a nice guy, and a sweetie. I'm so not gonna tell you who it is, or what he looks 'cuz I don't want the other girls to find out about my secret find (wink). Their gonna have to find him on their own. Besides, I wanna keep my place 'first in line' when he decides he wants to meet people (wink) I so, like chatting with him. We think alike, it's pretty funny. You know that 'Seinfeld' episode where Jerry is dating a girl that is just like him, in essence, dating himself..lol. It's kinda like that, I'm just glad he's not a black guy with dreads...lol.
The funny thing is there are somethings about him that I would have stayed away from, the first time I was on here, or something I decided this time. Like I said before, he is younger than I decided my age limit would be this time...26. He's 24 but you would never know chatting with him. He's not like baby this, and baby that. Every other post isn't about sex. I mean we make the sexual innuendos but it's not to the point where it's annoying...you know? Another thing is he's a little shorter than I have chosen in the past. Only 1" but it makes a difference when I'm 5'6 1/2" and wear 2-3" heels. But you know what, I didn't even pay attention to his height until after I'd started chatting with him. And you know what else, this time, it doesn't matter . I'm so sure I've missed out on quite a few possible quality men because I wrote them off before I got to know them as a person. I only saw a shorter guy. How could I be so shallow? Like I said before, I'm taking a whole new approach to the website this time. Not gonna be so shallow.
I so hope I get to continue chatting with the guy I mentioned earlier. Why oh why do the good ones have to be so far away? Even if we don't get to meat....ummm..meet I hope we continue to be friends. Quality not quantity my dear.
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Quality not Quantity My Dear, That's What Counts
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Posted:Jul 13, 2008 8:49 am
Last Updated:Jul 17, 2008 5:12 am
2510 Views
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So, Mr and I went to the closer of the two parties. It was at one of my favorite clubs, so hell yeah, I wanted to go. In my previous experience on this site, we did a few almost two hour trips to get to a party. It was pretty much the luck of the draw. Sometimes there was alot of people, sometimes only a few showed up. But I learned that there could be 50 people at a party, and it could end up being so totally boring. Like the title of this post says..."quality not quantity". There was only a few that showed up, but the people that were there were fun. There wasn't any crap going on okay except for a couple people that were kinda shitty. I just stayed the hell away from them, kinda. But they started it.
I so hate when people are shitty when you first meet them. How the hell you gonna figure out you don't like me when you haven't even talked to me..like not even in the room..you know? When I walked up to give my bud(male) a hug. She gave me this look, like my other friend said 'how dare you be hotter than me'. So I followed them outside one time when they went to have a smoke. My bud asked if I was coming to give him a bday kiss. He kissed me. I said that's not a bday kiss, I set my drink down an gave him a kiss that curled his toes. I heard him moan a couple times...it was excellent! After I kissed him, I looked at her and smiled.
I even got a girl kiss, yum, I think I'm liking those more and more. She watched me kiss my bud and she was like me too me too...hehe. So I kissed her too. I did have a good time last night. I like the smaller parties.
The best thing of all, besides the shitty chicks issue, there was no drama. The crappiest thing of all friggin' aunt flow came Friday Night so even if I wanted to do anything, I wouldn't be able too...crap!!!
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I know, I know, It's Been a While
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Posted:Jul 11, 2008 12:49 pm
Last Updated:Jul 17, 2008 9:41 pm
2461 Views
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Okay, not much has happened since the two guys flaked on me. Been just chatting, and watching to see what happens. Still gonna keep a good attitude toward the whole experience this time. I have talked outside the chatroom to maybe one or two guys. One just wanted more pictures of me, aaaah na. If I wanted to exchange nakey pics I could do that through the system.
The other one seems really cool. Of course, he's younger than my age limit. I don't know I just like the look and feel of a 20 something bod...hmmmm....does that offically make me a cougar. Although, I've been told I could pass for a twenty something, I still love walking into a place with a date that turns all heads. Then they find out that I'm 'knocking on the door to my 40's and he's in his 20's. I don't know how to explain it but it's an awesome feeling. But anyway, the other one lives really far away, but if you really want it, it's achievable....right? We've chatted a few times, he's kinda green when it comes to this lifestyle but I think he'll fit in perfectly. The fact that he's very pleasant to look at is also a big bonus. I'm not gonna get my hopes up though. I'm just gonna 'ride the current' and see where it takes me.
I'm preparing to go to my first meet and greet since I've been back on the site. I think alot of people know me from before but they're not sure...when they ask I just don't answer the post. I know they'll find out who I am..especially after this weekend. But that's okay..I think I'm ready for people to find out who I am. I know people talk offline on here, and ya know what that's simply, fine with me. As my nickname states...I have simple expectations this time. Not looking for some life altering event to happen from this experience. Just looking for someone to do....ummm I mean just looking for something to do in my spare time (wink).
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