Death of a Stranger  

secret_lade 47F
11516 posts
6/15/2021 4:10 pm
Death of a Stranger


My father was a stranger .

be honest, I don't know that I could have picked him out in a crowd.

I was at work today onboarding of my new people when one of the leaders tapped my shoulder and said "I'll take over, you have a visitor."

"I do?"

I looked at her like she was on crac She didn't know shit about doing the onboarding stuff for the new people

"Yes, you have an important visitor, I'll take over."

Hesitantly, I started to head out the door to see who the mysterious visitor was when I found myself face to face with Boss #2, Nate the Great, and a sheriff's deputy.

"Are you [secret_lade]?"

"Yes, yes I am."

Boss #2 and Nate were ready to step in, concern was all over their face.

They didn't know what was going on either.

"Is there a private place where we can talk?"

"Yes, we can go to my office...."

I had rounded the corner to my office and, as usual, there were people there waiting for .

Boss #2 and Nate were still by my side, I really think they were ready step in as a form of protection.

"She's not in trouble guys, this isn't anything like that. I told the same thing to her when I stopped by her home."

My home? Now my heart was pounding. This was bad news.

"You can use leadership office...."

Boss #2 unlocked the leadership office across the hall from my own and held the door open for me to enter, the officer falling directly behind me, closing the door before anyone else could enter.

The purpose of his visit was to notify me that my father had died at some point within the last couple of days. The sheriff's department had received a phone call from concerned neighbors who had not seen him in a couple of days and were asking to have a wellness check done.

The wellness check had confirmed that he had passed.

Nothing really prepares you for a moment like this.

Or for the moments after when you are trying to leave work with an officer who has just told you that your father has died and your coworkers are stopping you all along the way trying to joke around with you and asking you questions.

One of them actually asked me if I needed bail ....

Little did they know I was headed off the scene of a death sign papers for my father be released a funeral home.

On many occasions in the past I've done work with both the sheriff's department and the state police so it was not an unusual sight see walking around with an officer.

It was not something that would draw their suspicions.

So, it turns out that my father a heart attac

The crime scene investigator shared with me that there was no evidence he was being seen by any physicians and they did not find any medications in his apartment. He had uncontrolled hypertension that was not being helped by his heavy smoking and heavy drinking. He was an introvert and spent most of his time inside but made a trip every morning to buy his alcohol, which is what alerted the neighbors.

He'd stopped making the trips.

You know that saying... When it rains, it pours?

Well, I feel it pouring all over me right now.

It's a good think I've got that umbrella....

Richmiker 70M
44 posts
6/28/2021 12:20 pm

So sorry for your loss.


Mdonson57 60M
490 posts
6/19/2021 12:00 pm

So very sorry

MDonson
Kiik Myonguy


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/18/2021 8:33 pm

    Quoting hippiechick1967:
    I'm sorry for your loss.
    Like you, I wondered why my father didn't love me.
    He left when I was 4.
    I don't know if he's dead or alive today.
    Either way, it doesn't mean we're not lovable though it can feel that way.
    It was their failing that they could abandon their own child.
My dad was living 7 miles from me for years and I didn't know it. I'm certain he knew where I was working, he could have easily made contact with me at any time. It was his choice not to.


hippiechick1967 57F
13014 posts
6/18/2021 6:51 pm

I'm sorry for your loss.
Like you, I wondered why my father didn't love me.
He left when I was 4.
I don't know if he's dead or alive today.
Either way, it doesn't mean we're not lovable though it can feel that way.
It was their failing that they could abandon their own child.

Elevate me...


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/18/2021 2:57 pm

    Quoting ltrskr:
    Sorry for ur loss
    I discovered this for real when I lost my suddenly! I had read it many times but I understood it when he was gone.....
    Don't look back and regret, think of maybe some good times and know that he is finely peace...
    God Bless...
This was a favorite of my mom's. My dad suffered from depression and alcoholism my entire life, I do hope he has finally found some peace. He certainly never found it in life.


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/18/2021 2:53 pm

    Quoting Massass1963:
    I wish to express my condolences. Time does help, but time takes time. For now, know that many, including myself, are thinking of you.
Thank you, I very much appreciate that.


ltrskr 73M  
4818 posts
6/18/2021 12:22 pm

Sorry for ur loss
I discovered this for real when I lost my suddenly! I had read it many times but I understood it when he was gone.....
Don't look back and regret, think of maybe some good times and know that he is finely peace...
God Bless...


Massass1963 58M
1587 posts
6/18/2021 6:14 am

I wish to express my condolences. Time does help, but time takes time. For now, know that many, including myself, are thinking of you.


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/17/2021 4:38 am

    Quoting 69ereatwetpussy:
    Both my parents have past only have now Two Sister my brother past away two years ago he was the oldest. I'm the youngest so it will be very strange when time come for them .
It's a weird feeling to be, at 47, the oldest surviving member of my family. Grandparents are all gone, now my parents are gone too. My family is getting ever smaller.


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/17/2021 4:36 am

    Quoting New2Midlo:
    My sincere condolences to you. I won't pretend I know what you're feeling right now, with the maelstrom of emotions swirling around in your head, nor do I have any sage words. Instead, I'll earnestly send some positive thoughts in your direction.
Thank you so much, that is very much appreciated.


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/17/2021 4:35 am

    Quoting CUMHANDLEME:
    I can understand your compassion for him passing alone. May he now be in peace.
He suffered from depression and anxiety for many, many years.... I hope that he has finally found some peace.


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/17/2021 4:34 am


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/17/2021 4:33 am

    Quoting bustinout20202:
    Oh, so sorry for your loss, and for this whole season you are walking through. Sending you hugs!
Thank you!


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/17/2021 4:33 am

    Quoting citizen4722:
    So sorry for your loss. What a shock that must have been
    My father had a heart attack (due to high cholesterol) and he died in hospital when I was only 14 years old.
    I will always miss him even though I never got the chance to share his wisdom and learn things from him.
I'm sorry to hear that... At least you got 14 years with him, though.


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/17/2021 4:31 am

    Quoting CL_Love:
    I'm so sorry to hear that the storms just keep coming. I lost my dad and stepmom about 11 years ago. I have been estranged from my mother since I was 18 and only laid eyes on her a handful of times in the last 30 years. While my sister is sorta in touch with her, she lives 8 hours away and I live across town. In recent years, I have expected a similar visit from law enforcement as she hasn't been in decent health for most of the time we've been estranged. I used to be angry that she couldn't be the parent I wanted/needed. And like you, I have tried to be everything she was unable to be for me to my children. I think over the years (and with plenty of therapy), I just am sad for what could have been had she been able to be mentally healthy. I know that when the day comes I have to say my final goodbye to her, there will be grief not really for the immediate loss, but for the loss of what could have been. HUGE GIANT (((HUGS)))
I'm sorry to hear that you go through something similar with your mom.... It helped me a lot when I was able to accept the fact that my parents just didn't have the skills needed for parenting. It was hard for me to realize that not all of us are equipped with those skills, and some of us learn what not to do by what is done to us. I didn't have the ability to do it in person, but I did forgive them both years ago.


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/17/2021 4:24 am

    Quoting westcountygirl:
    Sorry for the loss and your added burden. Lost my dad when he was 31 and I was 9. Please just hang in there. Its just life, not that it makes you feel any better. Sorry.
It is just life. My brother has actually taken on most of the burden this time, he knew my dad better than I did. If it were left up to me, I would have done the bare minimum with him as I had done with my mom.


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/17/2021 4:21 am

    Quoting Granny872:
    If you were estranged or never knew your father, it has to be a confusing jumble of emotions, I would imagine.

    Still, losing a parent regardless of the circumstances is a sobering event.

    Yes, just one more thing to deal with ... take a deep breath.
You're right, it is a jumble of emotions. I feel sad for the loss, but more so because there was no bond between the two of us. I felt the same when my Mom died. I never developed that emotional link with them that I have with my kids.


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/17/2021 4:18 am

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    I'm sorry to hear about your loss.
thank you MC


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/17/2021 4:17 am

    Quoting japaneseass:
    My sincere condolences... You and your family are in my prayers.
thank you


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/17/2021 4:17 am

    Quoting jajo696:
    Its an inch at a time....a step at a time...a breath at a time. They add up. Sending you some strength, accept all the assistance that is offered, you re going to need it! Unresolved thoughts will creep in to your psyche as you process it all. Take your time...
We had been estranged for a really long time.... Most of my unresolved thoughts are me asking myself why he didn't love me. You all know how much I love my own children, I'm devastated that one of them just flew the coop. Why didn't he feel the same way about me? I was only 9 when he left...


69ereatwetpussy 59M
5405 posts
6/16/2021 7:29 pm

Both my parents have past only have now Two Sister my brother past away two years ago he was the oldest. I'm the youngest so it will be very strange when time come for them .


sweet0necter 47F  
2047 posts
6/16/2021 6:16 pm

Hugs.


New2Midlo 51M  
743 posts
6/16/2021 3:58 pm

My sincere condolences to you. I won't pretend I know what you're feeling right now, with the maelstrom of emotions swirling around in your head, nor do I have any sage words. Instead, I'll earnestly send some positive thoughts in your direction.


CUMHANDLEME 58F  
713 posts
6/16/2021 12:19 pm

I can understand your compassion for him passing alone. May he now be in peace.

Do you have any Primal Urges ... I do, please CUMHANDLEME and explore some of my naughty and nice Primal ... Urges with me !!!


boobwhisperer69 58M  
7160 posts
6/16/2021 9:46 am

Hugs


bustinout20202 64F  
547 posts
6/16/2021 9:16 am

Oh, so sorry for your loss, and for this whole season you are walking through. Sending you hugs!


citizen4722 63M  
72094 posts
6/16/2021 8:34 am

So sorry for your loss. What a shock that must have been
My father had a heart attack (due to high cholesterol) and he died in hospital when I was only 14 years old.
I will always miss him even though I never got the chance to share his wisdom and learn things from him.


CL_Love 48M/47F
226 posts
6/16/2021 7:44 am

I'm so sorry to hear that the storms just keep coming. I lost my dad and stepmom about 11 years ago. I have been estranged from my mother since I was 18 and only laid eyes on her a handful of times in the last 30 years. While my sister is sorta in touch with her, she lives 8 hours away and I live across town. In recent years, I have expected a similar visit from law enforcement as she hasn't been in decent health for most of the time we've been estranged. I used to be angry that she couldn't be the parent I wanted/needed. And like you, I have tried to be everything she was unable to be for me to my children. I think over the years (and with plenty of therapy), I just am sad for what could have been had she been able to be mentally healthy. I know that when the day comes I have to say my final goodbye to her, there will be grief not really for the immediate loss, but for the loss of what could have been. HUGE GIANT (((HUGS)))


westcountygirl 54M/47F
133 posts
6/16/2021 6:09 am

Sorry for the loss and your added burden. Lost my dad when he was 31 and I was 9. Please just hang in there. Its just life, not that it makes you feel any better. Sorry.


Granny872 68F  
3906 posts
6/16/2021 5:02 am

If you were estranged or never knew your father, it has to be a confusing jumble of emotions, I would imagine.

Still, losing a parent regardless of the circumstances is a sobering event.

Yes, just one more thing to deal with ... take a deep breath.


mc_justmc 61M  
6669 posts
6/16/2021 4:45 am

I'm sorry to hear about your loss.


japaneseass 53F
50178 posts
6/16/2021 3:49 am

My sincere condolences... You and your family are in my prayers.


jajo696 66F
3681 posts
6/15/2021 11:36 pm

Its an inch at a time....a step at a time...a breath at a time. They add up. Sending you some strength, accept all the assistance that is offered, you re going to need it! Unresolved thoughts will creep in to your psyche as you process it all. Take your time...


author51 58F
119577 posts
6/15/2021 11:20 pm

Sorry to hear of your loss. My condolences to you and your family...


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/15/2021 9:18 pm

    Quoting lickeyzsplit:
    Sorry to hear of your fathers passing Never easy but memories remain and become more of your friend with time although the present is where we live the past can give us a happy heart ! I am all to familiar with what you are going thru and my heart goes out to you ... Take care and hug your kids lots xoxo
Thank you for your kind words. He and I were not close... I learned from my parents how not to be as a parent myself.


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/15/2021 9:14 pm

    Quoting 4615Married:
    So sorry for your loss... My Dad was killed in a car accident on the job 2 days before his scheduled retirement. Rural mail carrier. He could have retired years earlier but enjoyed the job. T-Boned on a rural road by a truck carrying hogs. A terrible phone call from my sister. I will never forget the time and day I got that call. 3 hour drive home and going through every stage of grief:
    denial.
    anger.
    bargaining.
    depression.
    acceptance.
    Thank God as a government employee killed on the job, my mother had all of his benefits and died 10 yrs later from cancer but was well taken care of. Miss them both
I'm glad your mom was well taken care of. My mom has already passed.... She died in 2013. It's bothering me that he died alone, but he chose to live the life he was living.


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/15/2021 9:09 pm

    Quoting mufdiver69er2:
    i dont envy you your journey ahead..rocky road isnt just an ice cream flavor..i was lucky..my fathers passing came at the end of a long,painful cancer battle..good thing you have the spawn..
I am so lucky to have her.... When I got home she gave me to biggest hug.


lickeyzsplit 58M  
1211 posts
6/15/2021 7:57 pm

Sorry to hear of your fathers passing Never easy but memories remain and become more of your friend with time although the present is where we live the past can give us a happy heart ! I am all to familiar with what you are going thru and my heart goes out to you ... Take care and hug your kids lots xoxo


4615Married 64M
45 posts
6/15/2021 7:50 pm

So sorry for your loss... My Dad was killed in a car accident on the job 2 days before his scheduled retirement. Rural mail carrier. He could have retired years earlier but enjoyed the job. T-Boned on a rural road by a truck carrying hogs. A terrible phone call from my sister. I will never forget the time and day I got that call. 3 hour drive home and going through every stage of grief:
denial.
anger.
bargaining.
depression.
acceptance.
Thank God as a government employee killed on the job, my mother had all of his benefits and died 10 yrs later from cancer but was well taken care of. Miss them both


57FredFred 64M  
722 posts
6/15/2021 7:47 pm

So sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers are going your way.


mufdiver69er2 60M
1646 posts
6/15/2021 6:01 pm

i dont envy you your journey ahead..rocky road isnt just an ice cream flavor..i was lucky..my fathers passing came at the end of a long,painful cancer battle..good thing you have the spawn..

woop woop


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/15/2021 6:00 pm

    Quoting salty_one_65:
    Condolences for the loss of your father.
Thank you


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/15/2021 6:00 pm

    Quoting  :

Yep


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/15/2021 5:59 pm

    Quoting 69ereatwetpussy:
    Sorry for your lose no matter what the relationship was with him he still your family.
    I to was at work where my dad worked many years and was a foreman.
    He retired only three year we where close.
    My boss knew my dad very well had to come get me to answer a phone call.
    (Before cell phones) my wife said dad past away massive heart attach.
    My boss drove me home but news flys fast for by the time I got dressed and walked out every one was standing at the doors praying for me and my family.my dad was truly a well liked man. His now gone 30 years. I was only 28 he was 65.
    Prays for him you may you both be at piece xoxo
He suffered from depression and alcoholism my entire life... I do hope he has finally found some peace.


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/15/2021 5:58 pm

    Quoting topherific:
    a parent lost is never easy even when estranged, condolences
Both my parents are now gone.... I'm now the oldest living member of my family. I can't even comprehend this.


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/15/2021 5:55 pm

    Quoting pagancountrygirl:
    So very sorry for your loss. Even though you say he was a stranger to you, it's still difficult to process that type of news. I never knew my father when I was growing up, but when I learned he had died, it was still a shock.
    You need hugs and chocolate at this point with everything that's been thrown at you.
You're right.... It is still a loss. He died alone, which breaks my heart for anyone to have to die alone.


salty_one_65 56M
51 posts
6/15/2021 5:22 pm

Condolences for the loss of your father.


69ereatwetpussy 59M
5405 posts
6/15/2021 5:22 pm

Sorry for your lose no matter what the relationship was with him he still your family.
I to was at work where my dad worked many years and was a foreman.
He retired only three year we where close.
My boss knew my dad very well had to come get me to answer a phone call.
(Before cell phones) my wife said dad past away massive heart attach.
My boss drove me home but news flys fast for by the time I got dressed and walked out every one was standing at the doors praying for me and my family.my dad was truly a well liked man. His now gone 30 years. I was only 28 he was 65.
Prays for him you may you both be at piece xoxo


topherific 58M
5020 posts
6/15/2021 4:57 pm

a parent lost is never easy even when estranged, condolences


pagancountrygirl 63F
5861 posts
6/15/2021 4:47 pm

So very sorry for your loss. Even though you say he was a stranger to you, it's still difficult to process that type of news. I never knew my father when I was growing up, but when I learned he had died, it was still a shock.
You need hugs and chocolate at this point with everything that's been thrown at you.

Pagan
Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!


secret_lade 47F
7591 posts
6/15/2021 4:11 pm

My father was a stranger to me.

To be honest, I don't know that I could have picked him out in a crowd...

I was at work today onboarding two of my new people when one of the leaders tapped my shoulder and said to me "I'll take over, you have a visitor."

"I do?"

I looked at her like she was on crack. She didn't know shit about doing the onboarding stuff for the new people

"Yes, you have an important visitor, I'll take over."

Hesitantly, I started to head out the door to see who the mysterious visitor was when I found myself face to face with Boss #2, Nate the Great, and a sheriff's deputy.

"Are you [secret_lade]?"

"Yes, yes I am."

Boss #2 and Nate were ready to step in, concern was all over their face.

They didn't know what was going on either.

"Is there a private place where we can talk?"

"Yes, we can go to my office...."

I had rounded the corner to my office and, as usual, there were people there waiting for me.

Boss #2 and Nate were still by my side, I really think they were ready to step in as a form of protection.

"She's not in trouble guys, this isn't anything like that. I told the same thing to her daughter when I stopped by her home."

My home? Now my heart was pounding. This was bad news.

"You can use leadership office...."

Boss #2 unlocked the leadership office across the hall from my own and held the door open for me to enter, the officer falling directly behind me, closing the door before anyone else could enter.

The purpose of his visit was to notify me that my father had died at some point within the last couple of days. The sheriff's department had received a phone call from concerned neighbors who had not seen him in a couple of days and were asking to have a wellness check done.

The wellness check had confirmed that he had passed.

Nothing really prepares you for a moment like this.

Or for the moments after when you are trying to leave work with an officer who has just told you that your father has died and your coworkers are stopping you all along the way trying to joke around with you and asking you questions.

One of them actually asked me if I needed bail money....

Little did they know I was headed off to the scene of a death to sign papers for my father to be released to a funeral home.

On many occasions in the past I've done donation work with both the sheriff's department and the state police so it was not an unusual sight to see me walking around with an officer.

It was not something that would draw their suspicions.

So, it turns out that my father a heart attack.

The crime scene investigator shared with me that there was no evidence he was being seen by any physicians and they did not find any medications in his apartment. He had uncontrolled hypertension that was not being helped by his heavy smoking and heavy drinking. He was an introvert and spent most of his time inside but made a trip every morning to buy his alcohol, which is what alerted the neighbors.

He'd stopped making the trips.

You know that saying... When it rains, it pours?

Well, I feel it pouring all over me right now.

It's a good think I've got that umbrella....


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