Oh, good god.
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Posted:Jan 29, 2006 5:59 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2580 Views
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So right now I'm not home (or "home", as I like to think about it) in Georgia. I'm away on business in Florida. OK, I'll give away this much of myself-- I'm a musician, and I'm on tour. Usually when my group goes out on tour, we're out for a week, ten days maybe. This one is two weeks. And to add insult to injury, it's fourteen days in ten different hotels. I've currently been on the road for a full week, and tonight is the first night where I'm even considering unpacking at all.
It's nice, though-- we're in a really nice, nearly-brand-new hotel, and we're going to be here for three nights. Considering I've already been on the road for a week, it's time to spend a few nights in the same place. Not to mention laundry! I get to do laundry. I mean, I did bring 14 pairs of underwear and everything, but still. It's nice to have clothes that don't smell like the inside of my garment bag.
So tomorrow's another show, and it's another day, and it's another time to do a little exercise, ride the bus, play golf on my phone, read, eat... and suddenly it occurs to me:
I'm getting paid to do this. I love this job.
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At the urging of fellow bloggers...
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Posted:Jan 28, 2006 8:29 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2507 Views
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Yeah, because me writing is for you. Heh.
So I'm writing because I'm... happy. A little loopy, really-- I had an incredible night last night. One of the most amazing meets I've ever had. We met at a function I was a part of. She called me a fucktard because I was looking right at her and couldn't see her. She said "I do have a bottle of wine back at my place...", and I actually was rendered speechless for a moment. Me. Speechless.
Yeah, I know you're all shocked by that one.
We were going to drink some wine and mock dumb peoples' profiles. I was hoping we were going to do so naked. What I got was so far above my expectations, so far above my hopes, that I'm still a little hazy on all the details. Well, that and the fact that we were up until 3:30 in the morning. And then up again at 6... and then up again at 8:30 when I took a shower and reluctantly-- VERY reluctantly-- left.
There are little things I remember... her eyes when she looked at me so intensely that I thought I was going to burst into flame. Her incredibly open, infectious laughter. Her stories of unbelievably horrible first dates (Mmmm! Ah LOVE me sum STANKfanger!).
Thank you for an incredible night. I know we will do it again-- hopefully soon-- but even if we never get the chance again, this is one of those nights that I will take with me every day of my life. A memory to be cherished and nurtured and loved.
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Why can't we be friends?
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Posted:Oct 25, 2005 1:14 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2741 Views
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Like most people on this site who enjoy and make frequent (or less-frequent-than-I-should, in my case)use of the blog features of the site, I have several people whom I've come to know and like quite a bit through reading their personal essays every few days. Some of them like writing stories, some of them like talking about sex, some of them just post the most offensive (and usually hilarious) emails that they've received from clueless men who should know better.
(really, guys. Do some research, won't you? You should know that they're gonna skewer you the next day!)
My favorite writers are the ones who mix all of these types. A little erotica, a little mocking, a little sex talk, a little flirting... it's fun, it's friendly, and no one's gonna get hurt.
But posting in peoples' blogs has brought to light another issue with Polyamory Date that I've wrestled with a little.
There are definitely people on this site who I really want to play with. I send them email-- and sometimes, they even send email back. I've met some very fun people, in that way. I've also met several people who just seem like they would be an absolute BLAST to just go out, have a beer and hang out with. It's not that I don't find them attractive-- sometimes I find them MORE attractive-- but I know that they have some issue with me (too far away, too... married, etc), so I'm not going to push that issue.
Well, I got called on it last week, by someone I find to be really sweet and fun. And in case the person reads this (they check in here every once in a while), know that this isn't all about you-- it's an issue I've been thinking about it for a while. The question:
How do you let people on a sex personals site know that you don't need to feel interested in them as a sex partner in order to be in contact with them? That you're just fine with being friends, flirting and having fun?
It's a limitation of the site, I think, that we all (and by all, I mostly mean the men) seem to be so focused on finding sex partners that we don't tend to see that sometimes we can just find some friends here-- wonderful people who we just like to talk to, because they're far away, or they're married, or they don't fit our criteria in one way or another. Just because I'm far away and taken, does that mean we can't flirt or talk?
Or maybe that's not what you meant. Oops.
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Oh my God, I'm a dumbass.
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Posted:Oct 23, 2005 7:17 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2440 Views
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So I was talking to some "adult friends" of mine regarding my last post. They told me that the reason no one looks at the clothed pictures is because the album doesn't exist. Huh?
So I went and took a look at the settings on the album this morning. They were set wrong. Duh. Instead of being visible for all my friends, they were only visible to friends in certain catagories. But I hadn't set any catagories. Oops. So I corrected the problem. The clothed pics should be visible now.
Duuuuuhhhh.
Let me know if you still can't see them...
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Pictures
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Posted:Oct 16, 2005 6:48 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2556 Views
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So yeah. I have some network albums. Three of them. One is called "face and body pictures". These are clothed, solidly g-rated pics. They get updated every once in a while, because I'm steadily losing weight (40 pounds and counting!), and it's nice to have an accurate representation of myself. Also, they're the same pics that are on the front page of my profile, just without the annoying white blobs obscuring my face.
The second album, "naked pics", is just that. Pictures of my naked body, from mid-torso to mid-thigh. I'm in various states of... arousal. They haven't been updated for a while, but they're about two years old, so I'm heavier in them than I am now by about 20 pounds. I keep saying I need to update those, but I just haven't, because it just seems so silly.
The third album is pictures that were sent to me by a recent Polyamory Date playmate-- pictures of our time together. Her husband was the cameraman-- very hot. My first erotic action shots, as it were.
Now, of these three albums, which do you think get the most views?
If you guessed the naked ones, you'd be right. I think I'm the only one who's even looked at the "face and body pics" album. There are like 4 views of each pic. The one of me lying on my couch with my cat on my chest seems to be more popular, but then again, it's a picture of my cat, and he will not be denied!
I find it curious, too, that when I start chatting with couples, I can usually tell which person it is before I even ask. Men get right down to business: "how big is ur cock?" "what are u into?" "u have any dick pics?" Don't even get me started on that obnoxious habit of using letters instead of real words. Ugh.
God, no wonder there's such a discrepancy between men and women on this site.
I chat with the women, and more often than not, it turns out to resemble a real conversation. Even if I'm being naughty with my webcam (not that I would ever do that!), we talk. It's fun. It's sexy and flirty. It's the reason I came here in the first place. And even if I never talk to them again, I'm OK with it, because I had fun. With the guys, it always feels almost like I'm working, you know? It's like a checklist: Big dick? Check. Likes threesomes? Check. Fun for a girl and a boy? Check. Willingness to try new things? Check. OK, J. We'll take a look at things, talk some, and get back to you later.
For crying out loud-- it's a fucking job interview!
So ladies, go ahead and chat with me. You might find me interesting, funny, and relaxed. You might even find you have a good time. Men? You can chat too, but relax. I'll tell you everything you want to know. Have some patience, though. It's not like we have anywhere to be. Let's all just have fun and be friends, and play. We'll all be happier that way, I think.
And for the love! Give my clothed pics some love, too!
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"Thunderbolts and lightning..."
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Posted:Aug 25, 2005 4:08 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2513 Views
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So there were a lot of blog posts going around a while back about what you do if you get found out, or if you're dumb enough to leave an Polyamory Date window or a chat application open, or if you see an Polyamory Date'er in public, maybe one who you've sent a picture to, something like that.
So I was at work a week or two ago, and a friend of mine, who just happens to be a very attractive young woman, happens to notice my recent and significant weight loss. I've lost about 35 pounds since April, so it's hard to miss. Anyway, she walks up to me, reaches up, kinda strokes my chin, and says, "you've lost weight. I can tell right here [insert chin stroke here]." I tell her yes, I've lost weight, about 30 pounds, and she congratulates me and walks away. A very good friend of mine, a guy who's been close to me since I took this job in 1999, sees this whole exchange and says:
"Maybe she'll send you a wink."
Have you ever felt like all of the air has left the room? Like you've been punched in the stomach? I just kinda looked at him funny and tried my hardest to look like I had no idea what he was talking about. It didn't work.
Last week I was at a bar, at a promotion party for several of my friends. This friend of mine walks up to me after something happened (I don't remember what) and repeats the wink like. I comically hunch my shoulders and act defeated. Then I look at him, lean in, and say, "What the FUCK do you know?!" He goes, "I'm just here for you, bud."
Holy shit.
HOLY SHIT.
But no. I mean
HOLY SHIT!
Armagheddon is going off in my head. Seriously. Atomic bombs. Life as I know it ending. Then he says, "Relax, man. I log in, too."
I guess the moral of this story, if there is one, is that if someone does find you out, odds are good that they found you because they're on the site, too. Not that that's any better-- then you have to deal with the fact that you're not the only one leading what feels like a double life, but that your friend is, too. But it's nice to know that he's not going to get me in trouble with anyone. I guess if anyone has to find out about this, I'm ok with it being him.
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What are you looking for?
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Posted:Aug 16, 2005 3:06 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2597 Views
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I was chatting with a friend the other day, and I was telling her about how I thought something fun was going to happen last weekend, but that it ended up being a big zero. No fun. Well, at least not that kind of fun. Heh. I told her how I had these three couples who were looking at me-- one who sounds like they actively want to meet (the woman does, anyway), one who I've just started talking to, and one who just likes to tease-- they send an email saying they want to get together, they give me a timeframe (usually something like "we're looking for this weekend", and the email comes in on Thursday), then go off-grid for a month. I've gotten to the point where I don't take them seriously at all anymore.
OK, that was a digression into grr territory for a sec. Sorry.
Anyway, she asked me if I pursue single women at all. I had to think about that one for a sec, before I said that I really don't. Not very often. If they look at me first, maybe. But that happens so rarely that it's really not even mentioning.
It made me think a little about my use of Polyamory Date, though, and what I'm looking for. When I started, I had in mind couples (because I'd never had a threesome before, and it was a huge fantasy of mine) and single/married women who were looking for someone to satisfy them sexually (wow. Doesn't that sound romantic?). I thought that we'd both be in the same situation (lack of physical fulfillment at home), so maybe we could help each other out (again, apparently I'm such the romantic).
But then I met my first couple, and really plugged into (so to speak-- dirty!) something I hadn't realized about the threesome thing: being with a stable, respectful couple who are crazy in love with each other is incredible! It's so amazing to ride the wave of sexual energy that they're creating. And if I can add to it, it's even better.
It's not to say that if a woman emailed me I'd ignore her or turn her down flat. If someone picks me out of the sea of men on this site, it's at the very least flattering. But I think I'm less likely to initiate contact with a woman at this point than I am to initiate contact with a couple. At least, that's how I feel right now. Talk to me next week and you may very well get a much different answer.
What have you learned about yourself in your travels on this site?
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Feast or famine
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Posted:Aug 14, 2005 3:37 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2418 Views
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It's interesting-- I'm finding, as I'm a member of this site for longer and longer, that it really is a case of feast or famine around here. I went for about two weeks without anyone checking my profile, and then all of a sudden, in the last two days, I get, like, six in a day. And now I'm actively corresponding with a few couples who seem to be interested in meeting. Exciting. I guess I'll have to keep you posted.
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The death of love
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Posted:Aug 13, 2005 9:03 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2415 Views
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I had a moment a few weeks ago, the first moment when I was, like, "I need to write about this in that stupid blog I keep meaning to update". The moment's stuck with me for a while now, and I wanted to talk about it, to get it off of my chest.
I've been in love before. At my age, that's not an unusual thing-- I'm 32, I like to think I know what love is, and that I'd know if I'd been there. Near as I can figure, I've been in love three times. Once is my wife. Duh. Despite my presence here, and what several people have told me about that, I am in love with my wife. The second (obviously not in chronological order) is a woman who I consider to be my best, most valued friend, apart from my wife. And the third? Well, friends, that's what we're here about tonight.
I sat in the pew last month, watching my friend M get married. We only talk about once every few months, just to catch up. I mean, we're close, we talk about more than just the weather and the local news, but we just can't seem to find the time to talk anymore, you know?
Ours was a friendship begun fast, and one that had a lot of potential for more, had it come around at the right time. But alas, as things go, she had just gotten out of a tough relationship at the time, and she wasn't ready. Plus, as an extra added bonus, I got the "I value our friendship too much..." speech that saw heavy rotation in my early 20's. So we parted ways, she went to Michigan, I went to Pittsburgh, and the next phase of our friendship began. The phase I'm referencing in the title.
About two years ago, M came down to Georgia to see me. We hadn't seen each other in a long time, she needed some time to herself, so she thought a long road trip might be just what the doctor ordered. I was going through a pretty rough patch with my wife, and there was discussion of her not coming down after all, but she came anyway. Just to hang for a few days, then go home. We spent a really long time talking that weekend. It was a great thing for me, because I got to talk about a lot of the things that were going on, and it helped to get my head on a little straighter. But one of the things we talked about was about how my feelings for her had changed.
I had a lot of passion for her when we met. She's beautiful, smart, exciting, kind, and funny. I fell hard, what can I say? But the thing that M has taught me in the last 11 years is that passion is a living thing. And like all living things, passion has to be fed and nurtured and cared for, if it is to survive. And when I looked at her that day when she came to see me and said, "you know, I have no problem hearing about you and your boyfriend because I don't think I have those feelings for you anymore", I meant it. My passion for her was not allowed to survive, and it died, much like my poor Roma tomatoes will, out in the brutal Georgia summer.
But then came last month. I looked at her as she appeared in the doorway of the church, ready to walk down the aisle. She caught my eye, and she smiled. So did I, but my smile was more complex. See, as I stood there and smiled at her, a very small part of me that I didn't even know existed was still back in 1994, sitting out on a roof overlooking a lake under a night so full of stars. And it wept. It wept for the death of love.
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You're still looking?
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Posted:Aug 12, 2005 7:13 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2248 Views
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So I wrote a couple of blog entries, thinking it'd be fun. And it was. But then I missed a few days, then a week, and all of a sudden I wasn't writing anymore. Not that I didn't have anything to write, just that... I didn't write it down. And now, lo and behold, I'm getting views. I'm not sure where they're coming from, but they're coming. So I guess I'll start writing again. Woohoo, right?
All five of you who were reading this must be so thrilled.
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disappearing acts
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Posted:Jun 4, 2005 5:28 pm
Last Updated:Feb 26, 2007 8:55 pm
2685 Views
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A hypothetical:
You're having a conversation with someone. They seem attractive, interesting, funny-- someone you can definitely see yourself having genuine fun with. And I'm really not talking about bedroom fun, here. Just fun.
Well, maybe I'm talking a little about bedroom fun. Just a little. 
So you've exchanged some emails. You've made comments on their blog. You've shared outside emails. You've learned a little bit about each other, just enough to know that you want to learn more.
But all of a sudden, you realize that you haven't gotten an email from them in a few days. Then it's a week. And now you're worried. What did you say? What did you do? You email them, asking for them to let you know if they're no longer interested in talking. This is met with deafening silence. So now you're met with a conundrum-- do you email again and see if persistence gets you anywhere? Or do you take a more-fish-in-the-sea approach, knowing that another email will most likely just irritate them?
The worst thing is ALWAYS not knowing. I really wish we could just be straight with each other here. That maybe we could realize that there are worse things than hearing, "I'm sorry, I'm really just not interested in you". I don't know. I really don't think I'm advertising myself well. I feel like I need discretion, but that makes it so that my best features (my eyes, my smile, my voice, my laugh, my sense of humor) stay covered up.
Oh, God. Now it sounds like I'm trying to advertise. Worse-- it sounds like I'm whining. Nobody loves me, boo hoo. Screw that.
I was going to make this a plea for comments and suggestions for my profile, but that really came off sounding like a cry for attention. And it's really not. All I know is that I see all these profiles that are asking for a nice, considerate, cultured, professional guy, and that's what I am, and I keep getting stonewalled. And I'm a bit tired of it. I hear so many people bitching that people on this site aren't real.
I'm real, dammit!
Grr.
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Update....
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Posted:May 30, 2005 5:31 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2502 Views
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I went ahead and changed it. But I'm still open to comments.
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To link to this blog (hereforyou6217) use [blog hereforyou6217] in your messages.
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