Men, sadly true?
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Posted:Jul 27, 2014 9:02 am
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2024 1:17 am
14172 Views
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MEN.....
What's the difference between a man and a condom?
Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive.
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What do UFOs and caring men have in common?
You keep hearing about them but you never see any for yourself.
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Why is sex like a game of cards?
Because if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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What's the difference between a man and a bottle of whisky?
Whisky improves with age.
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Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it is unused.
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What do you call a man who has suddenly lost 98 percent of his brain?
Divorced.
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What are the three types of men?
The handsome, the caring and the majority.
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What's a man's ultimate embarrassment?
Walking into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.
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What is a man?
A life-support machine for a penis.
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What's the nicest thing about a nudist wedding?
You don't have to ask - you can see who the best man is.
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What should you do if your boyfriend starts smoking?
Slow down.
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Why do men find it hard to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
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On the rocks?
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Posted:Jul 21, 2014 6:59 pm
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2024 1:17 am
14515 Views
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A southern gentleman went to Las Vegas . Sitting in a cocktail lounge, he beckoned the waitress and said quietly, "Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady. Can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece of ass?"
"Wow, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!", gasped the girl.
Then she looked around the room, smiled and said, "Sure, why not? You're an attractive guy too, and it's pretty slow here right now so why don't we just slip away up to your room?"
When they returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress smiled at him and asked, "Will there be anything else?"
"Why yes, replied the southern gentleman. " Ah sure 'preciate what y'all just did for me. It was real sweet and right neighbourly of y'all. But where ah come from in South Carolina , we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still need a piece of ass for mah drink."
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That skucs...kcsus..sucks
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Posted:Jul 19, 2014 5:29 am
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2024 1:17 am
14102 Views
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My doctor wrote me a prescription for "dailysex". But the wife had to break it to me that it was actually for "dyslexia!!!"
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No CPR needed
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Posted:Jul 16, 2014 5:03 am
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2024 1:17 am
14042 Views
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Three old Ladies named Gertrude, Maude, and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat. Gertrude immediately had a stroke. Then Maude, also, had a stroke. Tilly, being the oldest, and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.
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Free Sex with Fill-up
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Posted:Jul 11, 2014 4:40 am
Last Updated:Jul 15, 2014 2:03 pm
10240 Views
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A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."
Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
The redneck then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."
A week later, the same redneck, along with his buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time.
Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 4. You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
Bubba replied, “No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week
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Take what you can get
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Posted:Jul 8, 2014 6:27 pm
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2024 1:17 am
8529 Views
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Mouthgasm
When you eat something that causes you to make pleasurable sounds out loud, exactly like the ones that you make when you have a orgasm.
"Oh my god, mmmmm, Oh my god, mmmmm, oh fuck".
"Are you ok"?
"Yeah. I think I just had a mouthgasm though".
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Pleading guilty
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Posted:Jul 6, 2014 6:04 am
Last Updated:Jul 6, 2014 8:26 am
9079 Views
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A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It has gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "and, no doubt, you want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."
"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."
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Getting off cheap
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Posted:Jul 3, 2014 2:20 pm
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2014 6:57 am
8701 Views
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A man is in a bar and has one too many drinks. This beautiful lady sits down next to him.
He turns to her and says, "Hey how bout it. You and me, getting it on. I have got a couple dollars and it looks like you could use a little money."
She stands up and says, "What makes you think I charge by the inch."
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Desparately in need of a post
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Posted:Jun 21, 2014 4:36 am
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2024 1:17 am
8200 Views
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Things That Make You Go.. Hmmm.....
*Why do we say something is out of whack? What is in whack?
*Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
*Do Lipton tea employees take coffee breaks?
*How much deeper would the oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
*No one ever says, "It's only a game", when their team is winning.
*If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
*If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
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A Short Love Story
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Posted:Jun 13, 2014 5:46 am
Last Updated:Jun 14, 2014 5:06 am
9330 Views
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A SHORT LOVE STORY
A man and a woman who had never met before, who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!", he exclaimed.
"'Good", she replied "Get your own damn blanket."
After a moment of silence, he farted.
The end.
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The Explanation
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Posted:Jun 9, 2014 4:33 am
Last Updated:Jun 14, 2014 5:04 am
9129 Views
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The Explanation
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A wife arrived home from a shopping trip and was shocked to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband called out "Perhaps you should hear how all this came about..."
I was driving home on the highway when I saw this young woman looking tired and bedraggled. I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten about in the fridge.
She was bare-footed so I gave her your good sandals which you had discarded because they had gone out of style.
She was cold so I gave her the sweater which I bought for you for your birthday but you never wore because the color didn't suit you.
Her pants were torn, so I gave her a pair of your jeans, which were perfectly good, but too small for you now.
"Then just as she was about to leave, she asked, 'Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore ?'"
(I'm rationalizing I know, but perchance there is a note of truth within the joke. Prof)
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Well, maybe some are true.
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Posted:Jun 3, 2014 6:04 pm
Last Updated:Jul 6, 2014 8:25 am
9272 Views
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MALE DICTIONARY FOR FEMALES
Just in case we don't understand one another.
1."I'm going fishing" -
Means.. "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety"
2. "It's a guy thing" -
Means.. "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".
3. "Can I help with dinner?" -
Means.. "Why isn't dinner already on the table?"
4. "Uh huh", "Sure honey," or "Yes dear" -
Means.. Absolutely nothing; it is a conditioned response.
5. "It would take too long to explain" -
Means.. "I have no idea how it works".
6. "We're going to be late" -
Means.. "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac".
7. "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind"
Means.. "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra".
8. "Take a break honey, you're working too hard" -
Means.. "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner".
9. "That's interesting dear" -
Means.. "Are you still talking?"
10."It's a really good movie" -
Means.. "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women".
11."That's women's work" -
Means.. "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless".
12."You know how bad my memory is" -
Means.. "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday or our anniversary."
13."I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses" -
Means.. "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe".
14."Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal" -
Means.. "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt".
15."Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing" -
Means.. "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon".
16."I can't find it" -
Means.. "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless".
17."What did I do this time?" -
Means.. "What did you catch me at?"
18."I heard you" -
Means.. "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
19."You know I could never love anyone else" -
Means.. "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse".
20."You look terrific" -
Means.. "Oh God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving!"
21."I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are" -
Means.. "No one will ever see us alive again".
22."We share the housework" -
Means.. "I make the messes, she cleans them up".
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Camping At last
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Posted:May 23, 2014 4:30 am
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2024 1:17 am
8478 Views
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Finally, the first camping outing of the season. Camping for us is mostly about cooking over the fire. The dutch oven is seasoned, the grill is clean and the ice chests are stocked. Let summer begin.
Prof
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To link to this blog (Prof10001) use [blog Prof10001] in your messages.
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