Ride of a lifetime
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Posted:Aug 29, 2015 4:27 am
Last Updated:Aug 31, 2015 3:58 am
5592 Views
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How Sex can be Like a Roller Coaster Ride
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You get on with your partner.
There is anxious anticipation as you start.
You start slowly, climbing your way to the top.
There are smiles exchanged, and giggles, maybe even caressing or hand holding.
The excitement builds and builds.
It nears the top.
The expressions on faces become wondrous and excited.
Then as it hits the pinnacle, things move very fast.
There's a quick motion, the heart races with complete excitement; faces are all in total pleasure.
Arms are flailing, heads are bouncing, and there is some noticeable screaming going on.
The rest of the ride is up and down, twisting and turning, lots of bumping, sometimes in the light, sometimes in the dark.
Sometimes there's a surprise, and sometimes it becomes all too familiar but always, always at the end, there's a big smile on the face.
Hair is all messed up, and everyone is talking about how great it is, while some of them say, "I wanna go again!"
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3
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Old dates
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Posted:Aug 28, 2015 4:20 am
Last Updated:Aug 29, 2015 4:22 am
5828 Views
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Kinsey Report
----FACTS------------------------
Kinsey Report - "Sexual Behavior In The Human Male"
98% of males (including married men) admitted to masturbating.
Average: 3 times per week.
(and,... 85% admitted premarital sex; 50% admitted adultery)
(Kinsey, et al. 194
Current population - 134,349,027 *MEN* in the United States
(www.census.gov 7PM-EST 02/01/2000)
----ASSUMPTION-------------------
It takes at least ten minutes (on average)
for a man to masturbate.
----LET'S DO THE NUMBERS---------
134,349,027 men in the United States X 3 wack-offs/week
= 403,047,081 wack-offs/week
6 ten-minute-periods/hour X 24hours/day X 7days/week
= 1,008 ten-minute-periods/week
403,047,081 wack-offs/week / 1,008 ten-minute-periods/week
= 399,848 wack-offs/ten-minute-period
399,848 wack-offs/ten-minute-period X 98% (Kinsey Factor)
= 391,851 wack-offs/ten-minute-period
----CONCLUSION-------------------
At any given moment (on average), 391,851 men in the United States
are wacking-off.
So,... be careful who you shake hands with!
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1
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What's a guy to do?
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Posted:Aug 27, 2015 4:02 am
Last Updated:Aug 28, 2015 4:15 am
5764 Views
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Being back at work full time is really limiting my time to surf the web. It is amazing how much easier working at a college is when the students aren't actually around. All that teaching and learning going on, what were they thinking.
Prof
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Never too old?
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Posted:Aug 25, 2015 4:18 am
Last Updated:Aug 29, 2015 4:23 am
5638 Views
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One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
“Your Honor,” she began coolly, “I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.”
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1
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You are what you eat?
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Posted:Aug 24, 2015 4:04 am
Last Updated:Aug 25, 2015 4:20 am
5683 Views
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Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the , the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.”
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
“Gee, Mom,” he exclaimed, “for me?”
“Just take two,” Brenda replied. “The rest are for your father.”
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Healing powers?
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Posted:Aug 23, 2015 4:23 am
Last Updated:Aug 24, 2015 4:02 am
5881 Views
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Nurses aren't supposed to laugh...
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"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers. Revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than the a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing.
Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.
"I am so sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'
"It's swollen," Fred replied.
She ran out of the room.
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2
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Conditions?
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Posted:Aug 22, 2015 4:37 am
Last Updated:Aug 23, 2015 4:20 am
5684 Views
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Conditions
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The waitress was tired of this one biker always hitting on her, so she came up with a plan.
"I'll tell ya what, stud. I'll have sex with ya on two conditions. First, it'll cost ya 50 bucks. Second, you have to guarantee me that bells will ring and lights will flash."
He smiled, handed her $50 and led her over to the pinball machine.
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2
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Careful what you ask for, part 3
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Posted:Aug 21, 2015 3:37 am
Last Updated:Aug 22, 2015 3:25 am
5492 Views
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A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, “Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!”
The preacher said, “Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.”
The man said, “I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!”
The preacher said, “No shit?”
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1
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Guess that is why I Bicycle
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Posted:Aug 20, 2015 3:42 am
Last Updated:Aug 21, 2015 3:34 am
5704 Views
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How Is Sex Like Riding A Bicycle?
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1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.
2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.
3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.
4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.
5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.
6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.
7. It's best to have a soft place to land.
8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.
9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down and wait for them.
10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.
11. Once you learn, you never forget how.
12. If you fall off get right back on.
13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.
14. Remember to signal before you change direction.
15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.
16. Sometimes it's nice to have a cushy seat.
17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.
18. That's why some of them are called Mountin'Bikes.
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I forgot the butter
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Posted:Aug 19, 2015 3:54 am
Last Updated:Aug 20, 2015 3:40 am
5512 Views
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If Sex Was Sold In A Grocery Store...
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* Men would do a much better job of searching for and clipping coupons.
* Hookers are renamed "Special Stock Girls."
* If you ever were not "prepared," you could always go to Aisle 8.
* There's gonna be confusion over Trix on Aisle 3 and "Tricks" on Aisle 10.
* Clean up on Aisle 10 would take on a whole new meaning.
* Same with the phrase "Freshness Dating."
* Same with "Buy One, Get One Free."
* No one wants to win the One Millionth Shopper award.
* Paper or Plastic or Rubber?
* Some men would still be in the Express Lane.
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1
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Beats apples
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Posted:Aug 18, 2015 3:24 am
Last Updated:May 5, 2024 8:36 pm
5571 Views
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After the Flu
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Vicki was still feeling a bit weak and not up to par after her recent bout with the flu and went to see her doctor.
After a quick examination, he said, "You look weak and exhausted! What have you been doing? Are you getting out in the fresh air, getting enough exercise, and having your meals 3 times a day, as I advised on your last visit?"
Vicki looked up, a bit surprised and exclaimed, "Oh Doc, I've sure been getting the first two, but on that last one, I woulda sworn you said three males a day!"
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I suppose I could fib
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Posted:Aug 17, 2015 3:00 am
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2015 5:18 am
5724 Views
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Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. At their very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”
Bob replied, “Girlfriend? She's my wife!”
They’re knocked over, but continue to ask: “So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?”
“I lied about my age,” Bob replied.
“What? Did you tell her you were only 50?”
Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”
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Judging distances on a beach
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Posted:Aug 16, 2015 5:22 am
Last Updated:May 5, 2024 8:36 pm
5643 Views
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I've just enjoyed a week camping, walking a couple mile long stretch of beach with the over and over. Like when I'm bicycling, my mind wandered to things sexual while negotiating the sand and rocks.
I ended up creating a scale for how far one needs to walk down the shoreline to escape notice for various activities. The first stop might be just a bit down the beach, away from the crowd but remaining in view. At that distance a couple could hug and kiss. Hands might slip between bodies and beneath swim suits to stroke and fondle. Anyone watching would know the couple was being affectionate but would not know the details of their pleasure.
The next top would be half way down the beach in the shade of a partially fallen tree leaning out over the lake. It would be difficult for an observer to see into the shadow in contrast to the bright stark sunlit sand beyond the couple. Shouts and squeals of laughter can be heard from the crowd but not understood. A heavy branch would provide either member of the couple a place to sit or lean as they pulled their swimsuit aside allowing their partner to kiss and lick and suck. Vulva and penis each gets its turn. Not to completion but close, so close.
At the far end of the beach the forest meets the water. Too far from the parking or camping areas for most to venture. Figures in the distance can be seen to move but their actions would be too small to discern. Here, bottoms are slipped off. Bodies pressed together. Entreaties made. Legs spread. Genitals join. Rhythms are matched and build. Cries are uttered. Pleasure and fluids are liberally exchanged.
No wonder the got so much exercise.
Prof
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To link to this blog (Prof10001) use [blog Prof10001] in your messages.
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