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| Blogs > hereforyou6217 > A Charming Wreck |
Working the long game
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Working the long game So there's a rule I've been laboring under for a very very long time: DO NOT dip your pen in company ink. I should emphasise here that I am not Don Draper, I am not interested in an interoffice affair. Also, try as I might, I do not look like Jon Hamm. This, strangely, is the part that disappoints me the most. Hellooooo, low self-esteem. Anyway, back on track. This move to San Antonio has been interesting, to say the least. I first got here and was like, new city, new women, new couples, new everything! So much excitement! I got to meet some of the meet and greet crew here in SA (very sweet people, actually), and even, shockingly, had some sex. A few times. There's a couple here who seems to like me, and I've met one woman who I definitely get along with really well. But the one thing that intrigues me most is a woman who breaks every rule I have. Seriously, every single one. Pen in company ink-- that's the big one. Way out of my league. Desperately in love with someone she can't have. Um... apparently I don't have a lot of rules. But-- and here's the thing-- I find myself trying to mix College me with Swinger me, and against all odds, it seems to ACTUALLY BE WORKING. I listen. I work the friend angle. I'm an open ear for her. But at the same time, she's the only "civilian" I've EVER confessed to being in an open marriage with. She knows I have sex outside my marriage, though she doesn't know how much (which is, recently, not all that much). God, I was over at her house the other day, and I was giving her a backrub, and I was very very close to her, and found myself uncomfortably close to doing some neck-nuzzling and ear-nibbling. And it's possible that I'm deluded, but I almost think it would've been ok. Yeah, I'm probably deluded. Probably. But what it brings up for me is the question of what I really want, here. What is my goal? Do I want to sleep with this girl? Oh yes. Yes I very much do. Am I TRYING to sleep with her? Oh no. I like being with her, I enjoy spending time with her. She's a good friend. She smells good, and she is undeniably gorgeous. And she gives great hug. And so this is what I've decided. If something happens, it happens. If it doesn't, well, that's cool, too. It's really where I am right now. I've always thought to myself that sex is a secondary part of this for me-- I like to meet people and make friends and MAYBE have sex with them. But just to have people who know what I'm about, who I can really really be myself with, that's the key. I can be myself with this person. I get physical affection from her. I mean, it's not even first base, but still. It's nice. I'd love to make out with her. That would be amazing. Sex would be cool too, but really, it's not that big a deal. Like I said. Deluded. |
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