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I Stand Defeated
I Stand Defeated I am writing this in non poetry form. I am defeated. I have overcome a childhood of abuse, intense<b> mental </font></b>abuse and ultimate sexual abuse. I overcame husband that put me in the hospital twice barely surviving his wrath because of the looks God gave me and the attention it brings me. I prosecuted the 2nd time. I was able find a job with a Colorado Governors office while he was active... an hold my own among his staff of 72, all having degrees in political science or psychology... I held my own with a GED for 3.5 years then held jobs as executive assistant 2 presidents of major companies. I am not a piece of shit. I have letters from my sons telling they could not live without . I have been a good mom and a productive member of society. Now I need help and have no one. The narcissist that I called my friend has taken everything away from me, and I sit here starring at a bottle of muscle relaxers saying myself should I end the pain or fight My phone service has been suspended. I ran out of gas on the 610 Sunday night, after my ex took the pennies and dimes I had for gas and threw them into his yard well beyond my collection of them. I was subsequently towed. Now I sit here with no food in my house, no phone service...and my paid for Tahoe sitting in a HPD storage lot. In that truck is my computer with my life on it, my drivers license my and the only copy of a book I was about to publish. I am defeated. I am now losing my sons too. Their dad is taking them away because I have lost everything. I will not survive my own existence without those boys...I am not sexy...not smart...not funny...not anything without the people that gave purpose after living a life that I barely survived with my sanity intact. My ex stole my phone. When I went to retrieve it he fractured my nose. So now I can say with the loss of my sons right around the corner that now I am defeated as a human . I have lost everything that ever meant anything to me. I am defeated as a woman and as a human being. So tell me what choices do I have now...all I see is this bottle of pills that seem to say here is your way out. But inside of me I scream “fuck off I will beat this” and yet in defeat I know it’s a lie. Now what? Now what? CrzyGryl |
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10/29/2019 7:49 pm |
Live to fight another day. You can beat this.
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listen to your innner being......fight another day. Your sons need you.....still. There are women support services in every area....reach out . Good Luck ~~
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Google “houston tx women's services” - there are local people guaranteed to help. Just reach out.
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Call me, text me, whatever
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Please know that when I wrote that I was at a very low point in my life...but the truth is my children are what keeps me tethered to my sanity and to this earth and I wouldn't leave them no matter whats going on, they are heart and soul, my inspiration, my joy, my drive and the motivators of my future success. I might be in a shithole now but I am hopeful and motivated to be what i know i can be...a successful paid writer/author with a secure future and mad love for my beloved. Thanks for your encouragement...I really do appreciate it!! CrzyGryl
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1 post 11/27/2019 1:27 am |
I feel this. Really hope things are better for you. Had a similar injury that left me homebound most of last year. Keep fighting and reaching out. No shame in either.
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