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| Blogs > VenusRedux2 > Conversing with the Divine |
Handle Initial Rejection Like a Boss - part 3
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Handle Initial Rejection Like a Boss - part 3 Seriously guys, I mean it when I say never. Jumping straight to the conclusion: This is a conversation killer. Every time. One from which you will not recover. It is amazing what percentage of the conversation is spent exclusively talking about meeting … offering to meet, not taking no for an answer, offering again, and again … me saying no, still saying no, explaining why I’m saying no … enough already! If you spent half as much time actually engaging people in conversation you might actually get laid from time to time. I’m convinced it comes up as often as it does because guys don’t know what else to say. They don’t know how to guide a conversation. They finally get a response from a girl online, yet have given no thought whatsoever as to what to say after the initial “Hi.” So when they’re stuck, they just default back to “Let’s meet.” We all know how this goes: (guy with a vague profile and a penis pic, picking up the conversation immediately after the initial greetings) Him: So what are you looking for? Me: Nothing specific, I’ll know it when I see it Him: What are you into? Me: Nothing exotic Him: You into white guys? Me: Fortunately, this isn’t the Jim Crow south [silence] Presumably he’s trying to figure out what that means Him: Want to meet sometime? Me: Based on what I know about you right now? Him: What do you want to know? Me: More than I know right now Him: I’m 6’2, 195, blond/blue, I work out, I like to play the guitar Me: Cool This is such a vague and superficial description. Why does everyone think this tells me anything? Him: So would you consider meeting? Me: Based solely on that description? Him: You can ask me anything Me: You’re the captain here, you’re steering the ship Him: Yes, but it takes two to tango, you’re not exactly making it easy here Me: If you have a problem with how the conversation is going, why are you trying so hard to meet me? The fact is, I don’t know you. I’m not going to meet you. Guys seem to have a complete and utter inability to imagine how women are responding to them. The forced and contrived questions doesn’t come off as smooth natural. They never seem to grasp that the questions they’re asking don’t give women enough of a range of responses to work with. Little wonder why they get the verbal equivalent of a grunt and a shrug. Then guys get frustrated that “women here are uppity bitches.” Right from the very beginning, it is clear this person is under a terrible illusion that any of this qualifies as an actual conversation, as if asking about my sexual proclivities is going to magically open up the doors to the conversation. This guy ignored every red flag I sent him. I was disinterested in every question he asked and showed it by giving him vague and non-committal responses. At no point did the conversation flow freely and easily. It was awkward and stilted at every step. None of this is advancing the conversation. Instead of making more tempting, it is pissing me off! It is too pushy, while also simultaneously sending a clear message that you’re totally out of conversation. Either by itself will kill your chances to meet her. Both combined means you’ve just successfully shot yourself in the foot. Now you’re NOT going to meet. Ever. Period. Getting the obligatory objections out of the way ”But I just want to know if she’s open to meeting, that’s all, I didn’t mean right now” First off, I’m calling BS on that. It was an offer to meet, plain and simple. Trying to rewrite the conversation and frame it as “I just want to see if it is an option” is gaslighting. You really want to start this relationship by insulting me? Just say sorry and redirect the conversation back to safer ground. Secondly, I’m here and I’m talking to you! No matter what anyone says, as long as she’s talking to you, you have a chance to impress her and induce her to meet, regardless of what she may or may not have initially had planned. That’s how relationships get started, everyone feels each other out and eventually settles on a direction. So why bother asking? It is on YOU to get it done, not her to have prior expectations that you can swoop in to chivalrously fulfill (how noble of you). Lastly, most women won’t meet on a first conversation no matter how good you are. They can't. Even if the desire was there, the unexpected timing is not likely going to allow it. So congratulations, you just killed the conversation with a question that didn’t need to be asked. “I’m better in person than I am online” You’re not that guy. If you were, this wouldn’t be your forum of choice to meet women. If conversation is dragging online, it’s going to drag in person. No, you’re not going to rally in person and do better. “But I am trying to gauge her level of interest” Sorry to break it to you like this, but she’s not interested. “You don’t know that. You’re not a mind reader.” Sorry, but I DO know. Every woman knows. Even other guys would know. Even you know. Deep down, you know. You’re only asking the question because you’re hoping beyond hope that you’re somehow wrong. But you’re not wrong. She’s just not that into you. Women who are interested are going to give you clear and unambiguous signals. The fact that you simply don’t positively know her level of interest means she isn’t sending those signals. What you should be doing instead Try talking to me like I’m a human being, not like you’re trying to politely solicit an escort. Have an actual conversation. I’ll probably expand on this at another time, but you really should have the first few questions mentally mapped out beforehand, complete with all the usual permutations of possible responses. The objective in doing this is to hope that one of those questions will land on a conversation that is free flowing and natural. At first this may feel stiff and wooden, but as you find your unique style and voice it will become much more natural. In addition, I briefly outlined this once in this post: Priorities in the Conversation. The priorities in the conversation shouldn’t be “get her to meet me.” The priorities should be to make me laugh, get me to ask questions (without having to say “is there anything you’d like to ask me?”), and get the conversation to a point where it isn’t simple parity of You speak–I speak–You speak. Doing that will naturally lead to her wanting to meet. Everything else I’ve seen all lead to conversational dead ends. In the inability to get conversation off the ground, guys inevitably exhaust every question they had prepared in only a few short minutes. With nothing left to resort to, the inevitable question becomes “Do you want to met?” The answer is NO, I DON’T. Give me something to work with and get the conversation flowing. Then the desire to meet will happen naturally and organically. She’ll address the subject when the time is right. There is no need for you to bring it up at all until then. |
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Nice
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So true Venus
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So, in the end, there's no way to "handle" this rejection. It shouldn't be brought up in the first place! At least, not like this.
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