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Blogs > DarkMindDeepSoul > My sexual mind on paper

In the trenches- a post for the guys on AFF!  

DarkMindDeepSoul 41M
28 posts
2/14/2018 4:11 pm
In the trenches- a post for the guys on AFF!
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DarkMindDeepSoul 41M
25 posts
2/14/2018 7:32 pm

 f you want to comment below, I welcome your feedback. I only ask that you try and keep it positive and constructive.


positively4you 74F  
4605 posts
2/14/2018 8:46 pm

 A lot of women here will not respond if she feels she is not your type instead of you being her’s. If you come off in your profile as being so perfect, she will think she could not possibly be up to those standards. Too good looking, too smart, too debonaire. The Barbie syndrome comes into play. The body, age, looks, etc. How could he want me? Look at him. So many, men and women, miss out here due to fear of approach.
It is not as easy as the site wants you to think it is.


TicklePlease 56F  
13851 posts
2/15/2018 5:53 am

 Here's the rub. If a guy is so "amazing," (not you, speaking generic here) why doesn't he have a special person in his life already? That's how a lot of women think. If we're just a snowbunny seeking bbc, there's a TON of dick to choose from. If we're just a low-self-esteem-wannabe-sub, there's a TON of faux doms to choose from. If we enjoy drama and mindreading, there's a TON of men willing to give us what we need. If we want what every other woman wants, an attractive regular guy who wants to be with us, doesn't have anger/attachment/babymama issues, can get it up and keep it up in the playpen, has a life of his own and is a guy that our friends like.... and a guy comes along who seems to meet that, our first inclination is (sadly) to think "what's wrong with him that another woman hasn't caught him yet." Obviously, newly divorced men and married cheating men don't count in that equation but single men in their 30s who want to date are much like the spinsters of last century, something must be wrong if they haven't matched up yet.

Again, know I'm not speaking of you, just general blahblahblahing.


DarkMindDeepSoul replies on 2/15/2018 8:07 am:
TicklePlease,

I have to sadly say, you are probably 100% right.

Thee first question, the very first, women ask me on a date is, "so why are you single?"

And they don't just ask that- I can see it in their eyes. They really really want an answer to that shit. They aren't messing around lol!

Unfortunately, that answer isn't some ah-ha moment. I was just in one long term relationship that didn't work out. We did the make-up break-up thing longer than we should have. But we loved each other a lot, so we stayed and tried to make it work, which I don't think is any less noble or worthy a cause.

But honestly, I think the divorced guys probably do less scrutiny. I guess I am the new spinster!

Januaryman99 55M  
327 posts
2/15/2018 9:08 pm

 Provocative and delightful. Although, I'm probably provoked and delighted differently than most. But, I have great respect for all the time and energy it took putting structure to this, so no judgment or snark here. Tons I'm just itching to say, but then I'd have to be fair and start cutting myself for all the fluffed-up nonsense I write. Square and on the level, I'll focus on just two points.

* In this post and the one just below, you keep talking about this as work, using all the terms of a wholesale shoe distributor. Putting the work in. Not worth the work. Pound the pavement. Out-work all the others. Data trends. Gender ratios. Behavioral studies. Holy smokes, man! Love, sex and stickiness - this is the stuff of poetry, songs and squishy novels. If I start treating AyyFF like it's a job, rest assured I'm going to work overtime pounding that pavement until I find a woman merciful enough to smother me with a pillow two minutes after we're still glowing from our first naked "sales call." You mention finding balance between work and leisure outside of AYYFF. I'm thinking that same work/fun balance needs to visit. More fluffy bunnies; less inventories and sales quotas.

* My second point calls for two steps back and a refocus. Spot the paradox. It's a post for guys and lists out all the ways that women seem to be latching on to all the bad boys and losers, ignoring the "quality guys". I'll let others decide quality, but I'm in the door with the guy-part. I know that because all my undies have doors in them. Point-by-point I follow it all, and in the end you're telling me that quality guys need to keep pounding the pavement. Why? It doesn't work. You're a quality guy, and if I read through each paragraph wearing my chickfocals, I'd say you're a catch. But it's still not working. I could scribble out something real thoughtful and send it to everyone with tits in my area code, but I'd be wasting my time, and you stand before me as Exhibit A. Unless it's something else. Nothing I feel like resolving tonight or ever.

+ I said two points, and they was them, but I lied. One other quick thing that will make me toss around in my sleep if I don't put a flame to it. Can we somehow make the term "quality guy" faraway gone? Gives me the willies. Such a magnificent dude to illustrate an important point, can we at least find him a better name? Something like Shane, maybe. Exudes a frontier sturdiness and sun-washed good looks. Anything but "quality guy." I'm wide open on this.

That's all. Thanks for posting.
Stop by my BLOG => Januaryman99


DarkMindDeepSoul replies on 2/17/2018 9:00 am:
Well Januaryman99,

Thank you very much for all of your comments and your perspective. I appreciate it very much and found them very fascinating. I also thought it was interesting that your handle is Januaryman but you are a Gemini LOL.

The January caught my eye, only because that is when my birthday is, which can also go far in explaining some of your observations of how I wrote what I did. Because, at the end of the day I am very Aquarius. And as an intellectual, I have certainly come to understand that intellectualism does not often translate well online and in spaces like these.

I am also in operations by trade. All of the quantitative aspects that you saw, that seemed very void of feel, we're certainly one aspect. And  based on the observations you had, I clearly don't do the greatest job of showing the other aspects. For the record, my first degrees were actually in history and political science. Very qualitative, and far from the quantitative operations-centric MBA I got later. Much of the more "regimented" if you will, aspects of my life, as well as the structure thereof, came about as I tried to better get my shit together in life as a man in my late 20s.

While I think a good strong work ethic is important, and especially in dating, your other point is very valid. Over the last couple years I have been studying and trying to master the skill sets of emotional intelligence. And yes, all of those other aspects like poetry, songs, and Squishy novels, play a very integral role.

Regarding the last point about the term "quality guy," naturally that doesn't have to be the label. However, defining whatever you are conceptualizing in life, is usually pretty important. When people in life often say the phrase"I don't like labels,"  this is usually because, once they define it, then they have to actually do specific things to fit it, ie. "work."  I am by no means putting you in this category because of your comment. I do have more than a few friends in life, that are very good people, but do fit this bill lol. This does by no means also mean that you have to overly defined something either.

The best analogy I can give, would be a to-do list on a fridge. It has often been observed, that while to-do lists are fine to have in life, they lack much in helping you to be productive and get shit done.  I am hesitant to get too quantitative on you LOL, but you really do need two axies, and X and a Y.  Where the Y axis goes up and down on the left side of a chart, and more simply defines what you want to accomplish, the X axis runs out along the bottom to the righta s a measure of time.

Because that is really the extra needed variable to make the utility happen. One can think, "Oh, I need to do _____."   But without any time frame of reference by which to actually complete it, it does lack definition. Whereas by saying, " okay, I'm going to do ______, AND  I am going to get it done in the next 2 weeks." gives a far better perspective.  Because now you have not just the scope of the work required to complete whatever task you are on, but you also now have a sense of time and god forbid a sense of urgency by which it needs done. And after all, at the end of the day, this is a goal you are giving yourself. So if you do not complete it in that time, the only person you are cheating is yourself.  Again, this may sound and come across as very antiseptic and cold. But it is a pretty simple and handy little utility to practice in life, at least so far as I have found.

Thank you again for your observations, I very much appreciate them.

wickedeasy 74F
32404 posts
2/19/2018 2:06 pm

 first thing i would say is change your photo. it's offputting. it's metrosexual in tone and comes off snooty. you are articulate and amusing....both to your advantage but the edge of entitlement is a bit much.

just sayin' and i'm old enough to be your mama so pay attention.
You cannot conceive the many without the one.


wickedeasy 74F
32404 posts
2/19/2018 2:13 pm

 use the biker pic
You cannot conceive the many without the one.


FMAOPLS 70F
Ask me for a photo
27112 posts
2/27/2018 4:23 am

 I agree, lose the current pic, where you look like Anthony Weiner. The biker pic is much better.
Check out my profile or and become a "watcher" of my blog FMAOPLS,to learn more about me, and for intelligent, lively, smartassy and fun discussion, with a little irreverence thrown in. "Like" or comment on my photos, and I promise I'll add more. Thanks.


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