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Self-confidence
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Self-confidence I recently had a man tell me that he was done dating skinny chicks because they are too full of themselves. Really??? Size has anything to do with that? He also said dating larger women is easier because they lack as much self-confidence and accept men like him easier. Like him??? I asked what he meant. His reply was something along the lines, of a man that is not ripped, a little shy and generally a real man and not some model. So... Average?!?!?!? Needless to say, I felt compelled to enlighten this man on some basic truths about THIS larger women. I do not purport to speak for any other woman. Honey I am a big woman, I do not lack in self-confidence and sometimes have been told I'm full of myself. That has nothing to do with my size and everything to do with my attitude. Which admittedly changes with your attitude toward me. Be nice to me and I am nice to you, be an asshole.... and you will meet my bitch. It happens. Now as a woman, I am not looking for a model. Eye candy is nice for either sex, but attraction is something that is different for each individual. So an average man, would be just fine for me. I am not going to lie, if I do not find a man attractive, I am not going to be interested in him. However looks are not the only way to attract me. Your wit and intelligence can attract me long before I see what you look like. If you can intrigue my mind, your looks are much less likely to matter to my eyes. But I will be the first to admit, I am also a height snob. I like men as tall as me or taller. This is not a deal breaker, I have dated short men, just not a preference. Met a man online, he was funny, we talked, got to know each other and enjoyed talking online and through a mobile app. We laughed and talked about all sorts of things in life. It was a very pleasant experience. We decided to meet. We had exchanged photos, but we all know they only show one second in time and meeting in real life is always has more depth. We met, we both agreed, we both look like our photos. He was what I would call an average man in looks. Not a model but not a troll either. Average covers a wide base. He was in my opinion on the good side of average. We have become great friends. This decision to be friends rather than anything else did not stem from lack of attraction, but from a sense that we would be awesome friends for a long time. We tried the sex thing, but we decided it was better without. So back to some truths... yes there are larger women out there that lack self-confidence, but there are also skinnier women that do as well. Sometimes size plays a part in that self worth in the mirror, but not always. So a clue to as why bigger women can be a little more accepting has more to do with how we have been treated rather than a lack of self-confidence. I have been ridiculed for my weight, have had men tell me I am not attractive and even had insults thrown at me. I personally have developed an attitude of you do not have to like me, I like me and I sleep well at night. I do not need your approval to live my life. Because of this attitude that I have met with, I try not to be so quick to judge other people. We are all experiencing something in our lives that would make someone else wonder, how do they manage? We all have our demons and angels. We are all working through this thing called life the best way we know how. He then tried to tell me that I made his point for him, that because I was bigger, I was more accepting. I laughed, yes, but your attitude has made me much less accepting. So I started out very open, but you have slowly closed the door with the attitude you are giving me. (There are other parts of the conversation that led to this, not just this part.) So at this point, I made my point: "I have not seen what you look like and right at this moment in time, I am not very accepting of you. So whatever you look like, does not matter." "So my size has absolutely nothing to do with accepting you, and YOUR attitude has everything to do with it. Maybe looking into that aspect of your conversation with women, no matter their size would be a good place to start on changing things for yourself. We cannot change others, we can only change ourselves. So be the change you would like to see in others.' In reflection, maybe this whole thing makes me seem full of myself. But self-confidence can be a fine balance between cocky and coy in someone else's eyes. How you see me, it never going to be the same way someone else sees me. But in the end only the reflection I see in the mirror matters to me. |
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