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Bowl Cancer and Nature of Grief
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Bowl Cancer and Nature of Grief When you loose a loved one the feelings you have seem to be your own and unique. When the loss is magnified by having to leave a career to care for your partner the anchor of your world shattered. My wife went in to get what she thought was gall bladder upset investigated and came out of the ultrasound with a stage 4 bowl cancer diagnoses. This was two years after a full medical, the poop strip test and being declared cancer free. Bowl cancer is one of the slowest growing cancers and if caught early has a good success rate. To say something was missed and to err is human is cold comfort. Note to everyone. The poop test for bowl cancer only detects if the cancer site is bleeding. If there is no bleeding at the time the test is taken any condition can be missed. Myself had poop test , all ok, insisted on colonoscophy due to family history, and had three benign growths removed. All after my wife's diagnosis of course. There is a denial state that people use to not think about unpleasant things. The whole concept of something happening "down there inside" and our childhood toilet training gives society at large a distasteful YUK factor and one puts it off to another day. When doctors talk about preventing bowl cancer it is the case of early detection and removal of these polyps is the procedure being refereed to. It is really no big deal to go through. A 24 hour fast, drinking a terrible tasting/feeling liquid, then defiantly go for general anasecitc. Take the two days off work, by the way you loose about 10 pounds. Dying prematurely by inches over two years is the alternative ,think about it My career involved being away for three months, working 7 days a week when on the job, then a month off and having January 10 to March 25 off for winter freeze up. After 30 years this was our Normal. My wife took care of the home front and I went out to earn the money. I was planned to retire early, and we would do things in our golden years, raised, and financially comfortable. Well one phone call took care of that plan as I was needed like never before. Two years and two months later she passed. So no career, no wife, no plan, and a cat and old left. The old lasted six months and he had a heart attack and had to be put down after sixteen years in the family. Grand growing into adulthood and moving along own path, needing space for themselves with out depressed old man hanging over them. Absolutely adrift from all my anchors to life with no purpose. During the dying everything was busy, appointments, tests, treatments being out, seeing medical caregivers, all the struggle of the good fight. Then nothing. Drag yourself out to grief counseling group sessions, go to private counselling. Call family on phone because you can't fake being all right face to face, of course cannot fake it on phone either but everyone maintains conventions. A massive hole in my life. Angry with medical profession, how can it be the condition was not detected early, why didn't the medical gods not have a technique like Star Trek to cure this. I mean enough money has been raised and the cure for cancer is just another ten dollar away, right??? Only time will dull the edge of grief and it takes more time than you think. I read a study on recovery time after the break up of a long term relationship. The conclusion was that you need one month for every year to get you head straight. The study was on romantic relationships but in my case the time estimate is close. Now feeling like getting back out of hole I had been dwelling and hiding in, but the people who were trying to be supportive immediately after death. I was not ready to be social have moved on in their lives and have lost contact when I pushed them away. Pushed them away because I was a open wound not able to tolerate the pain of contact. You never get over your loss. People say it will get better with time, really the feeling change with time to become tolerable , the missing never stops. My youngest brother died in a<b> motorcycle </font></b>accident 26 years ago, he has now been gone longer than he lived, still missing, a hole in my soul and now another hole. But time always moves on. You can decide to adapt and become part of the living again, or you can decide to not. I don't mean suicide, just the person stops engaging in life and builds a shell to freeze every thing in a memorial to the passed. A living dead person. My mother after my brothers death. Fine example of how to handle death -NOT!!! I am beginning to ramble , so I thinks that about it. Time does not dull the feelings but time transforms the pain into loss. Acceptance is harder. |
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I wish you luck and enjoy everyday. I know people passed away and the person will always in your mind Good luck
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