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| Blogs > rm_tmarcianus > Polyamorous Me |
In praise of dating married men
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In praise of dating married men Yes, you read that right. It is the middle of the night and I am tired, but this is something that bugs me. I've read ridiculous numbers of posts on why women should not date married men. OK, fine, yes there are women who shouldn't see married men. I think if a woman is single and is looking for a man for a monogamous relationship, she should eschew married men. There are probably other situations in which dating married men would be a bad idea. I'm not going to try to enumerate them. However, there are also situations where married men fit the bill just fine. Whether or not their wives know. Ideally the couple will be poly and everyone will be open and honest. And then there are the situations where there's a tacit agreement to not ask and not tell and everyone is fine with it. That's also not so bad. But reality is that the monogamy fairy tale is still alive and well in our society. And many people are monogamous simply because they don't know any different. They're sheep following along with the herd mentality. In time I believe it will become more socially acceptable to be polyamorous. But here we are in the here and now. Married men continue to behave as male homo sapiens have for millennia and go prowling for variety by whatever means necessary. In time society will figure out that monogamy isn't so natural after all and doesn't work for everyone. Real men and social expectations continue to be at odds. No amount of shaming or punishment has changed this and never will. So in what circumstances might it be a good idea to date one of these oh so very common creatures? Well, if a woman is in a polyamorous relationship with at least one other person already, she's not seeking to be the "one" with someone new. So not being the top priority in his life isn't wanted or needed anyway. In fact this is really a big plus for seeing married men. They're not desperately seeking a woman to monopolize. The whole eau de desperation thing isn't as intense. As a polyamorous woman I welcome having the time and space to pursue as many relationships as I wish. Single men more often than not become too intense and must be let go. Another thing I noticed about married men is that, on average, they are better balanced mentally and emotionally than otherwise similar single men. They enjoy the benefits that marriage has on them. The stability and prosperity they're likely to be enjoying has allowed them to develop into better people. The work they've put into their marriages has developed their social skills. All those qualities make for great relationships for poly women. And then there's the whole moral dilemma. I struggled with this for years. Breaking one's marriage vows is a serious offence. And somehow it's the responsibility of all women to prevent men from finding what they seek? Excuse me, why exactly is this my problem? I am responsible for my own morals. No one else's. It's when we start policing each other that all sorts of evils crop up in society. We condemn and gossip. We make ourselves free to overlook our own morals because we're putting all our effort into policing other people. I'm sorry, I'm not seeing this as a good thing. Married men who stray are taking their own chances on potential consequences. And they have to live with themselves. I say let's not encourage them to focus on what other people are doing in order to excuse themselves. If being responsible for your own actions is valuable, let's see if we can encourage more of it. If having weighed the costs a man chooses to venture out, then it's on his head. Not mine. So there you have it. Having spent years dating both single and married men, I've come to the conclusion married men are a great option. I imagine the same could apply to married women but I'm not in a position to comment on that. |
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As a single woman... I find married men a comfort. Well... the men I've known who have cheated on their wives didn't do so simply because they are jerks and want more sex or anything, but their wives were on anti-depressants that killed their libido or had medical conditions causing them to be unable to have sex. I agree: if a man steps outside his marriage it's HIS issue. Not mine. I'm not forcing him to anything. Why women typically attack the other woman has never made sense to me. It takes the blame off the responsible party. As a single woman: I can accept a married man as FWB so much easier than a single guy. With a married man you KNOW he's not leaving his wife going in, and there are built-in boundaries. It's easier to protect your heart knowing it won't go anywhere, no hoping for love and marriage to mess things up, etc.
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Thanks for vote of confidence
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I enjoyed reading your post. I agree that monogamy isn't for everyone. It's too bad that our society frowns upon those who choose to live otherwise. In an ideal world, a polyamorous person would remain unmarried or marry someone who is like minded. In reality, it's not commonly accepted, hence the need to sneak around or fight against the desire to have more than one partner.
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1 post 12/28/2014 1:43 am |
Brilliant at least there are people out there who want to meet married men and we are normally clear of std,s which must b a good thing for t.s ladies
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12/28/2014 6:33 am |
When I was married I cheated in the end. My wife changed and not the same woman she was 25 years earlier when we said our vows. And I was just plain sex crazy. I wanted it all the time. She had grown a different direction. I think this happens to couples all the time and thus finding a friendly Lady like yourself who is willing to overlook the married fact made life better for me. Until I got caught, but that's another story. I have run into quite a few women on here who are searching outside thier marriage for satisfaction. I have made some good friends that way, no I didn't bag them either. But I can relate to their situation.
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Thank you for your intelligent and well-written blog. I enjoyed reading it and the replies it generated. I think the whole issue of infidelity is very complex and we all had our unique reasons why we did or didn't cheat. I am sure that a married man can be a ton of fun without the burden of looking after him when he's sick or putting up with his jackass brother or his spoiled-brat kids. However, please don't discount the risk of falling in love. It happens and then no matter what you planned to do, the situation gets a lot tougher to control. You may both start out swearing that no one will find out so no one will be hurt but as ElDeano posted, that agenda can be derailed in a hurry and then there are three hurt people.
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1 post 12/28/2014 2:17 pm |
Dating married men ?, moral, immoral? Natural , unnatural ? I have my opinions , which seem to shift with each argument . However as a married man seeing other women for fun and friendship I'd like to share a unanticipated benefit of my actions. In the course of prowling Polyamory Date and other sites I have discovered an astonishing variety of interests and personalities . I am using this newfound knowledge to become more accepting and tolerant both at work and at home . I have received complements to that effect. I have long considered myself to be open minded and flexible, but it seems that was only my opinion. Also my duel life has raised my stress level , also with surprising results. I am supposing its a case of the old saying: life is like a fiddle string, too tight it breaks, too loose it plays no music.
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Very refreshing. Nice to read something positive about this topic.
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I like your perspective on this subject. Primate behaviour seems to be just what it is, even if we are human. Genetic predisposition seems to favour polygamous behaviour, in this regard. As for loving, aren't we all supposed to love one another? Lets just.....do it!
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I see this was written some time ago but a few are still catching up to it like myself. I agree almost entirely with you..perception of some things we may differ but we reach the same goal in the end and most of the war thru. I have been lucky enough to enjoy some women who feel like you do... thank goodness. My hands would be worn out by now.
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