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| Blogs > rm_SadeDeGrey > An Undiscovered Me |
Describe your most attractive feature.
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Describe your most attractive feature. “He had a quiet way about him, a walk and a talk that just wasn't normal around here. He strolled, like a man in a park without a care or a worry in the world, like he had on an invisible coat that would shield him from this place.” The Shawshank Redemption I wonder if Le Marquis de Sade smiled at anyone… from the films I’ve seen he seemed one always in high spirits albeit a bit cocky; it was as if he knew something that no one else did. Perhaps it was more of a mask; after all in this day and age sadism is derived from the name Sade as a mental disorder or a category of acceptable kink if consensual of course. My smile, that’s the simple answer, my smile is my most attractive feature or at least the one feature I have heard anyone speak on, that I consider complimentary. You’re always smiling, always laughing, and indeed it has become such a staple that it appears unavoidable and even uncontrollable. So taking this into contemplation, my smile is but a choice in meaning alone who I am to be or who I want to be.  “None of you seem to understand. I'm not locked in here with you. You're locked in here with *ME*!” The Watchmen You can call me “Mr. Brightside” the nice guy, the believer in silver linings though in truth I feel as though I’m “Losing My Religion”. This smile is indubitably real when it comes to my own idea of beauty but wanes in the face of the false. Those that would see the real me are to my lament fictional deities… Katniss Everdeen, Beatrice “Tris” Prior, Anastasia Steele, Fiona Belli, Ellie and the like. I can smile just as easily at an existent enemy and everyone else in-between; lovers who will never know me and nemeses that must never know me. The factor that unites these forces is the want of something, the denial, and the concept that somehow or another I must be okay with the lack there of. A smile to keep from crying or something to that effect; and if I were to smile while tears were falling, perhaps this is just another way to be blinded by love. Another way to look at it this is of course; my smile is not meant for myself but for others, not to share but to protect them from who I sometimes if not all the time truly am. Ruminate on the idea that this is my “Poker Face” but the truth of the matter is that everyone expects me to lose so what if I actually decided to win, again I refer you to Le Marquis de Sade, in the midst of such corruption and violation how exactly did he look? Yes I continue to imagine a smile but how can one smile at such horrors inflicted, what happiness can be found in such depravity yet it is something I do consider. I don’t think I have ever seen myself smile while using my Fleshlight and yet I feel a relief and a euphoria that a thousand smiles cannot buy. Then again I have watched masters proceed with their business and have smiled rather profusely at their exploits, knowledge, skill, along with the loveliness of their subjects. Such is joy "Having perfected our disguise, we spend our lives searching for someone we don’t fool." Robert Brault So I’m waiting for what will make me happy, I believe to love a girl or more importantly for a girl to love me will bring about such happiness. I suppose I have become somewhat of the character Quasimodo and this is Topsy Turvy Day… and yes I know Quasimodo did not win Esmeralda. Yet here I am waiting for some pretty girl’s touch and I imagine this will end one of three ways the first being that this isn’t a mask, this smile and I dream that she may love me. Second this is not a mask and she will reject me, maybe I surely am the monster and what is it that society does to monsters… a story for another time. Lastly I am wearing a mask and when she removes it there is the question of what I am, who I am, or what have I become. There was a time I would have settled for the words I Love Your Smile but there is so much more to me and I suppose pretty girls. I might not be as shallow as I believe but then again what am I saying… I’m smiling |
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 that's me... (smiling)
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