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| Blogs > New2Midlo > Fun with a normal white guy... |
Whack Jobs, Nut Cases...When Do They Earn The Title?
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Whack Jobs, Nut Cases...When Do They Earn The Title? I’ll freely admit this post is mostly an off the cuff rant, although regular readers of my blog know that my rants aren’t typical of most rants. Those who’ve read my blog also know that I’m nothing if not understanding of those with mental health challenges. That I have a way too much experience in relationships with those suffering from various issues. But I have to admit my level of understanding is diminishing. Some of that can be attributed encountering some really broken women and the rest, I’ll freely admit, comes from having my ass kicked by a few. More than one of the latter, as I’d discovered later, had a pattern of this sort of behavior. Kindness has left the building for the evening. We know those with abandonment and/or intimacy issues, and definitely borderline personality disorder, tend to have their brain wired in such a way that it rationalizes their non-healthy behavior. So, the question (and central part of my rant) is when does the empirical evidence become so overwhelming that you can’t ignore you’ve got some serious fucking issues? (I’d ask a mental health professional, if I still had one on retainer or as an fwb.) At what point do we hold those accountable for the destruction they repeatedly cause in the lives of others? Seriously, you can only rationalize so much before something has to make an impression and send up alarm bells. If you’re in the midst of your third divorce and you’ve fractured your relationships with your siblings because they can’t deal with your lying, how do you say ‘yep, everything’s great’? If you’re so ashamed about wanting sex, that you resort to displacement and insist that you role play daddy and princess, instead of using your names, don’t you think their might be a problem? And when you literally run from his house in terror because he actually wants to have sex with you and not just his princess, how do you not recognize your behavior isn’t even in the same ballpark with normal? (Yes, I’ve lived all of these and more.) When someone you respect and care for has told pointed out your issues and you agree that you might have some cause for concern. When you can’t bear to be alone, yet live in constant fear that those you care for will abandon you? More importantly, how can you be so self-centered as to continue with the same behavior, inflicting pain and suffering on every person who comes to care for you? Instead of reaching out to an appropriate mental health professional and addressing your issues? To take some fucking responsibility for your actions? At what point does the world around you earn the right to bestow upon you the title of fucking whack job and abandon you the way you just knew it would? Yes, that was harsh, but it’s time people start to accept ownership of their actions. As with all of these posts, I don't doubt there are men who deserve the title. But as I've noted before, I don't date men, so I've got no experience to draw upon. Now, get off my lawn, ya whack jobs… |
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Nut case needs to add a comment...
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Man, and I thought that the creeps on this site were bad enough! These women you mention, eeee gads! They make everything so much harder for women who have a healthy mindset. You asked a lot of great questions here. Enough is enough. That's how I see it.
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DENIAL is a powerful thing. Many people live their ENTIRE lives that way. Sad but true. If you don't stand for something , you will fall for anything ! 
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I'm going to say something that perhaps won't be completely agreeing with your post- Perhaps, if you find yourself consistently drawn to having relationships with these types of individuals, there is something in you that needs to be addressed. Hear me out- Some people have a "rescue complex" and are drawn to individuals that need rescuing. I have always had this adage in my life- the people in your life provide you with some kind of lesson to learn. With some, you learn the lesson and move on, never to repeat that lesson. With others, you learn the lesson but you don't get what you need from that lesson and you need to repeat that lesson, sometimes with the same individual, sometimes with multiple individuals that are all providing the same lesson. We had a saying in my sorority- if you don't want to be a jerk magnet, then don't be. Sometimes we would hear girls before they went to exchanges (where one sorority and one fraternity had an event with just the two chapters and it was to provide a social atmosphere for the two groups of people to get to know each other) and they would be whispering "I am NOT a jerk magnet. I am NOT a jerk magnet." Maybe you need to whisper "I am not a princess magnet" or on the more positive side "I'm looking for a mentally healthy sex partner". You'll get your own wording in there... Kitkat The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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I'm going to say something that perhaps won't be completely agreeing with your post- Perhaps, if you find yourself consistently drawn to having relationships with these types of individuals, there is something in you that needs to be addressed. Hear me out- Some people have a "rescue complex" and are drawn to individuals that need rescuing. I was wondering the same thing. There are certain personality traits that tend to go together. For example, women like men with confidence, unfortunately, a lot of so-called bad boys appear confident and a lot of inexperienced women can't tell the difference. Compared to other men I know, you seem to have a lot of women with some *very serious issues* in your past. Maybe there is some personality trait that you are attracted to with women with serious issues exude that attracts you. Obviously, by the time you are in your 30s, 40, and 50s, we al have little neuroses and quirks. However, the kind of woman you are describing is is not really adulting very well. But I digress. How do you know there are issues? You're almost my age, by this point in our lives, we (should) know what a human train wreck looks like. Gets drunk on the first date? Train wreck . Asking for sex games that show disassociation or anger or something else indicative of issues? Train wreck. You find out they just ended marriage #3 and don't talk to their siblings or kids? Train wreck . At this point in our lives, were are too darn old to deal with people who aren't dealing with their serious shit. Would you date someone who was financially irresponsible and refused to do anything about it? Would you pay her mortgage because she spent the money to go on vacation? No, you wouldn't. So why would you deal with a woman who is emotionally irresponsible? Instead of paying her mortgage, you're carrying the weight of being the stable one in the relationship. Just as bad as paying the mortgage. When to you hold someone responsible? From the god damn beginning. We are all responsible for out own health: physical as well as mental. If someone trails drama and ruined relationships in their wake, that is to an extent, a choice. They certainly don't choose to be mentally ill or have some other condition they *do* choose to wallow in it instead of addressing it. The reason they can do that, for women at least, is because there are men out there who tolerate and enable that behavior. Some men even like it and try to exacerbate it for their own ends. It sounds as though you might need to set your tolerance for shenanigans and monkeyshines lower that you currently have it set.
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To those who think I'm a victim of my own behavior, I suggest you read my other posts. In those posts, I clearly take ownership for getting involved with a borderline, admitting that I fell for the seductive chant of 'you're the one I've been waiting for to save me'. I stayed for reasons I won't discuss here, except to say there were a lot of zeros involved. I'll also take ownership of one or two of the nut cases I dated after my divorce. Yes, I fucked up. With respect to the ongoing encounters, let me point out / reemphasize a few points. 1. People don't come with a warning label that they're broken and they've already formed a convincing and reasonable story of how normal they are. 2. Those who are broken rarely exhibit the screwed up behavior patterns until you're involved, or more frequently, until their issues cause the relationship to self-destruct. I'm all for running, once the issues have been identified. 3. After having the shit beaten out of me by a couple of nutcases, I've become hyper vigilant about not only attempting to detect mental health issues up front but avoiding being a nut case magnet. But in each case, the ones I've encountered have been very successful women who, on the outside, have their shit big time together. 4. Not every woman I've met has been a nut case; but I still maintain that there are more of them than not, in the 40+ singles scene. It's like driving in Pakistan; there are too many bad drivers to avoid being hit. 5. I don't think I wind up with more women, afflicted by one issue or another, than the average guy in the same demographic. I think I'm one of the few who looks deeper than 'the bitch flaked'.
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I think some of you are missing the point of my post, which is about those with mental health issues taking some responsibility for their actions and who they negatively impact. For the sake of argument, let's say that some of you are correct; that it's my own cycle of behavior that attracts them. Then, overnight, I'm blessed with the miracle of learning to spot and avoid these women. Do you think that'll solve the problem of those with mental health issues fucking up people's lives? That they'll stop seeking someone to validate them? On the topic of identifying the various issues, I'll share what a mental health professional told me about borderlines. Because they're so adept at manipulation, anyone her practice treats who might be a borderline is interviewed by all of the docs. So even mental health professionals have a tough time catching this shit.
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I think some of you are missing the point of my post, which is about those with mental health issues taking some responsibility for their actions and who they negatively impact. I know I didn't. Once it's pointed out or a pattern becomes evident, the mentally ill person makes a choice whether to address it or not. Aside from children, anyone else in their direct orbit makes a choice to be there. It is not *your* problem if they fuck up someone's life besides your own. And, if you let her fuck up your life, that's on you. One of the tougher things I ever had a therapist tell me is that if I kept dating men who possess a certain negative characteristic, I needed to change my behaviors and attitudes. Once I got over being angry that's what I did and I was able to have healthier relationships. The older we are the more baggage we bring with us. However, you do have an *inordinate* number of partners/lovers with serious issues. According to *my* friend the mental health specialist, only about 20% of Americans are mentally ill and only about 4% are seriously ill enough that it impedes their ability to function. If your % is substantially higher than that, you have a problem whether you are comfortable admitting it or not. Serious question: could you be getting ssome psychological need met out these relationships? Punishment? Validation that you are a good and/or sane person? Sympathy?
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After rereading both my post and the comments I've received, I can't help but to draw the conclusion that some readers may have done some assuming of their own. Assumptions such 'he wrote a post on nutjobs, so he must have just gotten nailed by one. When he talks about dating, he mentions nutjobs a lot, so he must only date nutjobs'. It cascades from there, into a narrative that has been built on a foundation of zero actual knowledge. In fact, I've not just been nailed and it doesn't matter one bit because that's not what my post was about! But that was lost because, despite my writing of 'others' being hurt by nutjobs, some readers confused that with 'I got hurt'. Plus, I found myself having to defend a behavior that others think exists, yet genuinely can't have a clue about. It got even better was being told my post's message wasn't what I said it was. Seriously, I would never consider pulling that on another blogger. As noted, I don't share everything here. There are many things you'll never know about, mostly because they're not germane to what I've posted or they're no ones's business but my own. To be blunt, it pisses me off to have to spend so much time and effort, defending myself against incorrect conclusions, made without relevant facts. Assertions that have zero bearing on the post at hand. Doesn't exactly promote an environment of open communication. Therefore, I've taken Lala's comment about my blog, my rules, to heart and spelled them out in a new sticky. Said sticky also provides some insight on my blogging process. As far as this sucker's concerned, I'm putting it to bed.
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