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Of Alligators and Intimacy Issues
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Of Alligators and Intimacy Issues There once was a man who loved alligators so much that he decided to keep one as a pet. He named it George and he loved George dearly. He gave George only the best alligator food and kept him well fed. He would spend hours talking to George lovingly, giving him massages, and bathing him. Every day, he told George how much he loved him and that they should be kind to each other. Then, one day, George wrapped his jaws around the man’s head and killed him. When the man reached St. Peter’s gates, he was in great conflict. Had he not loved George enough, that George mauled him? St. Peter looked at the man and said ‘What did you expect? It’s an alligator, you moron, and that’s what alligators do, they bite people!’ The moral of the story is that some creatures will behave in a certain way, because they’re hard wired to do so. There’s no logic and no amount of reasoning that will change that behavior. This can often apply to people as well. In a previous post, I related how my borderline ex-wife would do horrible things to me as we went through the divorce process. My friends would constantly ask why I didn’t get angry over the garbage she pulled, to which I replied that she was an alligator. As a borderline, she was hard wired to hate me for abandoning her (asking for a divorce). In most cases, animals are hard wired at birth and people tend to have their wiring modified by experiences. I’ve obviously encountered alligators in the past but their number seems to be growing, based upon recent experiences. While I haven’t had much free time to blog, I’ve actively dated over the past twelve months or so. I’ll chronicle some of the more interesting (both sexual and non) moments in a later post. Before I get to the first toothy beast, it might be worthwhile to make the concept of a human alligator a bit more concrete. I already covered the more extreme behavior of a borderline but there aren’t a ton of those running around (Thank God!!!). The most common alligators I’ve run across have been women with abandonment issues. For the sake of brevity, abandonment issues are almost always the result of someone (or someones) important leaving a person’s life. Abandonment issues tend to form in (death of a parent / parent not there / etc.) but can also take hold in adulthood through the loss of a spouse. There are a ton of ways abandonment issues can affect behavior (Google is your friend), but the one trait I’ve encountered more than once is that, when they sense you might exit the relationship, (regardless of whether you are or not), your status as human gets changed. You are now seen as anything from super scary to useless piece of shit, and everywhere in between. Once that switch has been flipped, no amount of reasoning, explaining, or threatening will flip it back. It’s destructive to the person with abandonment issues for a number of reasons. But it’s also tough on the perceived abandoner, as I’ll share later. But the bottom line is the person with abandonment issues is going to act the same way to certain stimuli, regardless of what you do. Because that's what they do! Maybe better than having your skull crushed but sometimes, that might be preferable. I’ll break it off here, so the reader isn’t stuck reading one of my typical epics, and can digest the material in pieces. In the next installment, we get to the intimacy portion of fun and games. |
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