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| Blogs > Canus2011 > Adventure my ass! |
Oh, fer cryin' out loud!
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Oh, fer cryin' out loud! Wow, I really need to get busy on writing more about my new neighborhood and some of the neighbors (maybe I should make a series or something), but there's this saying about how "everybody seems normal until you get to know them..." It would appear that my new place goes a long way in proving that to be a pretty accurate statement in practice. ...oh, and for a bonus, a few hours ago I found out unequivocably that I DO indeed have standards besides pulse and body temperature where women are concerned. I've honestly known that for a long time despite the fact that I joke about it all the time, but wow ...the reminders of it can sure be ...erm ...interesting I guess. So anyway ...I got home in the later afternoon and sat down to watch some TV when there came a knock at my door. I opened the door, and there stood (and I use the term "stood" loosely) the lady who lives next door. I met her the week after I moved in, and to be brutally honest ...she struck me initially as "that crazy cat lady" even though she was missing a few cats (you can take that literally or metaphorically ...I'm pretty sure they both apply in this instance). Another post I need to work on one of these days is about how I'm not only a little bit OCD, but also a bit of a stickler about paying extremely close attention to first impressions. I might even pay a little bit TOO much attention to them at times; I don't think they ever fully leave me no matter how long I may know somebody. The only problem is that over the course of time, that first impression tends to be right on the nose a lot more often than it isn't with me. I tend to be a pretty good judge of character, and I believe that most people tend to demonstate the roots of their character right off the bat. Not always of course, but most of the time. So anyway, the cat-less cat lady is there on my stoop ...swaying in the breeze a little bit, the smell of liquor wafting on the breeze. She asks me if I'm busy, and I politely respond by asking her what I can do for her, and she asked if I could come over and talk for a few minutes. She apologized for the fact that she had been drinking a little bit and said she had had a really bad day and could really use a friend at the moment. Well fuck. Yeah, I'm a bit loathe to admit that I'm kinda "that guy" a lot of people just seem to think they can talk to about nearly anything; that trait has kind of followed me around for as long as I can remember. I also have to grudgingly admit that I've been prone to depression at times in my life, and well ...I've been there. I've gotten a lot better at being a jackass when I REALLY need to be as I advance in years, but telling much of anybody who says they need a friend to fuck off is definitely not in my bag of tricks and hopefully it never will be (even though there have certainly been a few times it would have made my life simpler if it were). So I said "sure why not?" and the mutt and I went over. As we walked in the door, the first question (and the first HUGE "red flag")she asked me was "so ...are you a Christian?" Well Fuck ...again! One of these days I might learn to make my life simpler and just fucking lie about it when somebody who is obviously Christian asks me that question, but once again ...it's not really "me" to lie about it (and telling the truth tends to be easier than keeping the lies straight anyway). Considering that the person asking was somewhere between "a snootfull" and "shit-faced," there really IS no correct answer to that question. There may have been a day when I might have enjoyed discussing the merits of my spiritual "system" (or lack thereof), but doing it with a drunk lady?! "...masochism" is not one of the checkboxes I filled in on my profile here; I find it somewhat distasteful even with polite company under the best of circumstances these days. I just decided to take the easiest path and simply stated that no, and that I had little interest in religion. It was honest and (hopefully) didn't invite too much speculation or proselytizing. hopefully It appeared satisfactory enough to her for the moment at least. I had a seat and we made a little bit of small talk; she made a point of telling me about how all the decor in her living room had deep meaning to her all in their own fashion ("oh ...how nice"). I looked at one of the pictures on her wall and asked if it was intaglio, and she replied no ...it was printed from an engraved metal plate. "Oh ...it's quite nice." Then she remarked about my being single, and I replied that yeah ...I'd been single for five years now. Then she asked if I was lonely (oh, great). I replied that no, I wasn't what I would describe as particularly "lonely" persay; I was quite content being a<b> bachelor </font></b>for the most part although boredom certainly crept in from time to time despite having a close knit family and a few friends I enjoyed spending time with. She remarked that I seemed really at peace from what she had seen of me and that I was "obviously" a deeply spiritual person. Apparently lots of people in the neighborhood think I'm the shit or something (truth be told, I just have an incredibly cute and I'm merely his accessory; I'm pretty sure I could be carrying a bloody chainsaw and anybody I met would remark "my, what a CUTE you have!"). "Why thank you." (SO not willing to touch that one with a ten foot pole) I kinda suspected it was lurking around somewhere from the shy smiles, all the hair twisting and stuff, but then she abruptly remarked that she was feeling pretty lonely at the moment. "Oh, I'm so sorry; would you like to talk about it?" She then went on to tell me that she was a bit of a recluse, and really missed the kind of company she could only get from a man ...if I knew what she meant. Hey, take note of where I'm posting this; she immediately apologized if she sounded like she was coming off as forward, but despite my intense desire to keep and hold a poker face, I'm pretty sure some of the amusement HAD to have seeped around the edges. "Ah ...I know how that can go, but we do the best we can with what we have I guess." (lame cop-out on my part but honestly ...the old "not with a borrowed dick and somebody elses back to push it with" line was suddenly springing to mind; politics or religion in a first exchange is one of those "first impression" things I don't get by easily). Let's not even bring up the fact that she's scaring the shit out of me already. "So ...are you gay?" Difficult to believe as it may be that the indeterminately older crazy cat lady (without the cats) who invited me over for the first time while shit-faced to ask me about religion and then with all the sublety of a brick dropped from a third floor window, hit on me ...would seem less than appealing: I simply elected to just say "Uhm, no" over the "Wow, I'm really considering taking it up at the moment" that was lurking somewhere around the fringes of my self-editing abilities. I really tried to steer things back around to the bad day or just comforting small talk ...but things just started going downhill from there. She started asking about going out doing stuff together, watching a movie sometime, would you like to trade books, spend a holiday together (okay, that one scared me more than a little bit). I remained polite, but tried to make it abundantly clear that I wasn't interested in her "that way" without being a prick about it. Eventually, she went more into detail about religion, aliens and various conspiracy theory stuff. She remarked at one point (I think my eyes may have been starting to glaze over) that I probably thought she was crazy about now. ...I told her "No, I don't think you're crazy" ...I left off the "I really quit having to think about it a half hour ago." I feel really bad in a lot of ways because i have a nagging suspicion that the booze may have been "liquid courage" to an extent. I know that the lady IS a bit of a recluse and I never see or hear anyone come or go from her place, so I can somewhat appreciate the effort it probably took for her to come over at all. ...but (always gotta be a "but" in there), "unstable" seemed like the word of the day where she's concerned. I finally was able to squeeze out the door, but only after promising to read a book ...a religious one of course (sorry to the Christians who claim to be "spiritual but not religious;" ...if you give me a book written by a Christian espousing the merits of Christianity ...then it's a "religious book" no matter how spiritual it may be). I'll read it ...I didn't mention that I'm familiar with the guy (like I'm going to offer another book of matches to an arsonist); maybe I'll even apppreciate it on an intellectual level but I kinda doubt it. I'd rather just have entertainment when I read these days; the secret of my inner peace largely revolves around the ability to maintain a short attention span. For a dude writing on an adult site, I guess it's good to know I have standards in any case. I really REALLY wish the chick had lived a little further than EIGHT FUCKING FEET away though. *sigh* All in all, I'll still take this neighborhood over the last one, but I guess it takes all kinds to make a world... |
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