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The Myth Of Training - Submissives Do Not Need Trained
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The Myth Of Training - Submissives Do Not Need Trained Firstly let me give you a bit of back ground on myself. And so you know I am not full of it I am going to take a couple minutes to do so. I suggest reading this all before I get to the actual point and I even intend to a get a bit off topic at times which should to some degree help to overall support opinion concerning training. No matter what the case, you are bound to learn something I assure you! I am a life style Dominant with 20 plus years experience in it. Almost from my first sexual experience at age 13 with an older girl who was submissive I have been into BDSM in some way shape or form. I have had so called Vanilla relatships where they knew about my background, saying they could never be submissive, but as the relationship progressed they wound up being totally submissive to me in so mainy ways it isn't funny. Yeah I guess I am that good! " Laughing " FYI my first submissive, slave really, had no idea I was 13 and soon to be 14, as a young man I always looked older and was more mature then other guys my age. She was 16, and had been with older men into bondage and the likes and she was the one who told me I was a Dominant as we continued to have sex the entire summer and then some. I was naturally Dominant, making her get on her hands and knees so I could pull her hair and pull her back onto my cock hard when we had sex sometimes. Sometimes I would make her suck my cock and force her to deep throat me even though she had problems doing it, she learned to take it all in over time. You know smacking that ass, even making her do things she didn't like to do if she angered me or was disrespectful to me. I would throw her on her stomach for anal sex when I wanted and never thought about it as not being how it is supposed to be. Yeah even though I was so young I naturally thought of pounding ass. She was a slut, my slut, my play toy. I was a 13 year old with a sex slave and loving it. She was also the one who introduced me to bondage requesting I tie her up. She even got me my first pair of hand cuffs for my birthday that July when I turned 14. I wonder what ever happened to those? Virgina was my first slave, but not my last. Though today I tend to lean toward having a submissive. But God do I adore owning a good slave! 25 plus odd years ago books on BDSM were not readily available like they are today. Most of my real philosophical education came from groups I am or was, or became am a member of when I became older. Like The Eulenspiegel Society, which was originally an informal association set up in the winter of 1971 as a support group for masochists but now encompassed by both Dominants and Submissives. There is also the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, Cuffs " a new comer, actually founded at Iowa State University in 2000, and most of you have probably heard of the Black Rose and Leather Rose Societies. But back in the day I was on my own. I read books on human sexuality which touched on bondage and discipline in them and even studied some books on the psychology of human sexuality to get a feel for the some of the mental aspects concerning sex and sexuality. I even read books on psychology and body language and took some psych classes later in life. I read the Anne Rice books who wrote the Beauty series of novels under the name A.N. Roquelaure. When Jay Wiseman and Susan Wright, in my mind two of the most experienced and knowledgeable writers on the subject of BDSM started getting published I read their books as well. I have been lucky enough to meet both of them and discuss the life styles theories and philosophies with them and others seriously in the know. But learning was hard back then and throughout my early twenties, there were no local groups, and finding like minded parties was difficult though I was able to tempt my vanilla girl friends into some play from time to time and one actually took to it like a duck to water and we stay in touch today. We parted when she had to move, I was 17, she was 15. She is now married to her Master of 15 years. They have been married for 13 years and they have two together. Like me, it came naturally and we never looked back once we discovered our true natures. Ok now, I have been around. I have an actual clue! I have lived the life style 24/7 and even taught women about being submissives or slaves, and even helped others to learn more about becoming a good Dominant. But to the slave and submissives here I have to tell you I am unlike most any other Dominants you will find on Alt. And I have not, and never will be a Cyber Dom. Todays BDSM community is different then when I was growing up in the life style and there is a wealth of information about BDSM, sadism and being a masochist. Most of what you find online is Bunk! Useless and if you read books written Pre Internet, or not influenced by the Internet you will see what I am saying here is true. There is not a lot of useful information online anymore. Even some of what is print is a good read but written by people who really don't have a clue, they just know how to tie certain things together and make sound good and logical. To many wannabes and players online post information which is actually disinformation to make it easier for them to find play mates and in some cases victims to or abuse. What is BDSM? In case you didn't know the abbreviation BDSM groups those of us into Bondage and Discipline "BD" and those into sadomasochism "SM" altogether. Its hard to separate the two because in many cases two parties into BD have to be both a Dominant who can be a bit of a sadist at times, and then the submissive or slave who craves or needs to be punished sometimes and feel it sting, thus her masochist nature emerges. In BD the two parties have to have a touch of both SM roles to be good in the role. So we group them together. There are of course those who simply get off on tying someone up, or getting tied up and having kinky sex! Hey more power to you! But Ummmm, well you are just into bondage. Which is cool! Some people will break down the DS portion to Dominance and Submission, it is true, but in either case of BD or SM this will always be the case as there must always be a Dominant and a submissive party. So what I am saying is that BDSM is truly all about Dominance and Submission. Its a fact, there is no way to dispute it for the life style to hold true even if someone is a switch there still has to be a Dominant and a submissive. Ok now, we have established who I am, the very basics of what BDSM is. In writing all of the above it is give the new, or newer submissive or slave who wants to get into the life style a bit of information and also why I am qualified to inform you of what I am about to. It is for you men and woman who desire to serve under a Dominant and experience everything the life style has to offer and for your protection. So that hopefully you will not be taken advantage of. It is time to get to the point of why we are here. And yes what I am writing here is my opinion, but ask anyone seriously in the know, who is a real world trained Dominant or with vast experience as a real time Dominant and didn't learn how to be a Dominant online and they will more then likely to agree with me. In fact I would bet you they would if they aren't players. Yeah there are some really good Dominants out, for real even,who are players and use a bit of BS now and again to get a play mate on temp basis. OK raise your hand if you have ever been told by a Dominant you need to be, or have to have training to learn how to be a good submissive or even slave? Now raise your hand again if you have read that you have to have training to become a good submissive or even slave? How would you feel if I told you the term training is a crock? A Myth and deception to lure people in to serving mainly wannbe Dominants who will insist and argue that anyone who tells you don't need to be trained doesn't know what they are talking about. In fact the term training is a less then 10 year old term unrelated to being a submissive. It can be tied into and related to slaves, and this is were the term training is rooted. But even for most slaves today training doesn't even apply to you and I will explain. Its not complicated. I am sure some of your have read about the 9 levels of submission, if not you can read up on them online I am sure just Goggle " 9 levels of submission " inside the quote symbols. Well this is all good. But in relation to them there are 4 groups of submissives, 2 of which are slave, and the second borders at times on being a slave, or at least having slave tendencies. First I need to make the below statement. You are either born a submissive or you aren't. Just like an actual Dominant. I am Dominant by nature. I wasn't made, taught, or decided I wanted to be one so I could get lots of kinky sex or find victims to or abuse. As a natural submissive are you into this just for kinky sex or to find men you can victimize in some way? Ummmm No, not if you really feel fulfilled when under some of control when the in the presence of a strong man or Dominant! Hey if you get weak the knees of men with very strong personalities, even if his strength is quiet and or subtle, yeah well you are most likely very submissive and would if given the chance spread your legs as wide you could if it could hook them or please them. - Laughing - Well maybe not, but you know what I mean. If you are a submissive or slave this is in your nature, in my mind it is embedded into all women's DNA, it is instinctual, your desire to serve or in some way submit to the will of your man, or even Mistress. But that is another topic altogether and science supports this theory as well. In any relationship you will never find two people who are completely equal, there is always one who is more the leader, and one more the follower no matter how it may appear to the rest of the world pr the two parties themselves. You may think and consider yourself equals, but sit back now and think about. Yeah, now that you have thought about it how does it feel to understand you are not at all equals? Now tell me anywhere in nature can you find any form or TRUE equality. Some may rebel against their feelings of being less then equal to someone, or lets say rebel against an authority type figure or those who they deem to stronger then themselves while others easily accept it. If you tend to rebel, get over it. This is life, part of nature and the way things are. I am a Dominant, a Leo star sign which a leadership sign and one of strong personality types. I am a natural born Dominant and natural born leader and people see this in me. Yet there are times I meet someone I may not submit to, Hell I will never submit to anyone. But I do acknowledge they be my superior in some way shape and form and I should take a back seat in certain instances. In a different way this is what a submissive or slave does. They take a back seat to the Dominant and if they chose the right person to serve they sit back and enjoy the ride! As a submissive or slave you chose to serve a Dominant. No one taught or trained you to desire this. No one taught you to enjoy getting you ass smacked or a cock rammed up your ass did they? No it is you, a part of your nature, who you are, and it is embedded in your sexuality and also mentality. There are 4 types of submissives / slaves as I said, and they are not trained to be so. If you are a Bedroom Only when submissive you are not what I consider a life styler but still you are into the life style. Submissive sexually more so then a true submissive if you aren't happy doing what it takes to comply with ever single reasonable request your Dominant asks. Well maybe not always complying since things can happen to prevent do so. What I am writing applies to true submissives and slaves, yet also to those just wanting to be a bedroom submissive so none of you get BS'ed. 1.) The submissive who is into monogamous relations. Normally straight sexual orientation though not always, and some tend to be bi curious at least if not bisexual. Sexual beings who are more into bedroom play even if 24/7 though understands her role in her Dominants life outside the bedroom who caters to Master in non sexual ways in everyday life. Of course you are into life style play. though most are into the lighter side of it, it can lean toward the more extreme at times to test your limits. You have serious limits that must respected, and you desire to be respected, also in many cases at least cared for, even loved as well. You tend to become a slave to your emotions and love and will do anything for the right man, and will never be a real slave where he would abuse your surrender to him in any way shape or form. 2.) Those submissives who are Polyamorus or into or will accept multiple partners at her Master's request. This does not always hold true but in more cases then I care to count it is the case. They tend to be bisexual. They also tend be a bit more masochistic in nature. They have limits, though far less then the monogamous submissive. At times you can almost without thinking fall into the role of a slave to some degree. You can certainly handle some abuse from time to time and forgive it when it happens though this is not always the case, especially if the abuse crosses a certain line. 3.) We move from submissive to slave. I have seen submissives from categories 1 and 2 actually become a slave under the hand of someone they really care about who has the right kind of Dominating nature. Usually the Dominant takes on a submissive from the above categories knowing he can guide them into discovering what may be an underlying slave nature. It takes a special Dominant indeed to recognize a submissive who is actually a slave and know she would never have even thought herself to be one. But given the right set of circumstance and a good Dominant, make that excellent Dominant, he can lead her into true self discovery, in other words they can open her to her true nature as slave. Being a slave you have few limits, a slave is almost always bisexual, and even if she isn't she will still in most cases perform such acts as commanded. She will surrender to those she is commanded or given to. She desires to be punished on a regular basis even is she has done nothing as a reminder of who she is and her place / role in life, they are mainly masochist. She expects to be abused for the most part, though not always. She may not be into scat, blood sports, animals, or fucking . She will for the most part do whatever is expected of her to please Master. but there will always be certain limits that must not be crossed if she is to maintain love and respect for her Master. 4.) The complete slave. There are no limits other then death. Used and abused, bought, sold, given, gang banged, made to walk somewhere looking like a slut where she could be by anyone. Yes have known the last to happen, talk about dangerous with all these diseases around. They can be human toilets, even cut, beaten, they expect abuse of all kinds. They are complete masochist. Sorry to say they have some serious fucking problems just like the Dominants they serve. If you are a woman or man and this what you are seeking I urge you to please, please get help. Doing so could save your life! Yes your life matters! You matter! No one taught any of the above types to be what they have become or long to be. You can't train someone to be this way either. You can maybe brain wash and mind fuck people into being so, but training is a myth. Pre 1999 you will not find the term training in published material unless it relates to a slave. And when a slave is " trained " is more or less to play a certain role such as becoming a Pony Boy or Girl. In the Gorean life style, FYI this life style is based on a series of books written by John Norman in the late 60's and early 70's, but Gorean slaves might be trained / taught to learn certain positions and other duties commonly used in the life style. The Gorean life style and BDSM, though similar in many ways are separate, and most Goreans and those practicing BDSM will argue they are actually in no way related when either, especially when lived as a way of life. Goreans will claim that they do have to be held to the same standards and rules practiced by those of us into BDSM, and believe in the " BDSM myth " of training. Training of a slave is part of the Gorean life style. There are no submissives in the Gorean Life style, women are trained to be and forced to be slaves. So if you ever decide to meet with a Gorean Dominant watch your step, there are no limits, no safe words, women are to be used as liked and desired and you could find yourself suddenly being taken and being made to and trained to serve the Dominant. You see the thing is you can't be trained to be who you are. Sure a good Dominant can " Teach " you about the life style. When you submit to a Dominant to feel what is like to serve one, be it sexually or other you learn from the experience of doing so. No one trained you to have talks and discussions with others about how all this works and what their experiences have been like. You were told and learned over time that this is what people do. As people we learn and grow as human beings from observation, study, talks, discussions, and of course by being human and experiencing things, even making and learning from mistakes. You can't be trained to like something, maybe made to do it until you get used to it and accept it, you can even in extreme cases be brain washed into liking something, but you can't be trained. It all boils down to who and what you are inside. Are you a submissive, or you a slave, if you are a no limits slave get some help for God's sake, believe me being a complete slave is not in any way natural or built into your DNA as the need for submission may be and in my mind most certainly is. I mean it submissives and slaves. How is someone going to train you to be what you already are? All you need is the right guiding hand to show you the way and give you the experience you desire and long for. I have been with so called " Trained " submissive and they had to unlearn what they were taught because I didn't require them to do certain things, some of which they just did having been trained to do, for which I had no need or desire for them to do and had to tell them to stop doing it. If you are new to the life style you might get lucky and find that one Master whom you may serve for life. In most cases you may serve several Dominants before finding the one where you both connect and it is forever. Every Dominant is different for the most part. We each have our own way of doing things or to have things done for us so how can anyone possibly train you to serve the various Dominants you might serve over time when we are different beings? So don't ask to be trained, ask to be taught about the different thoughts and philosophies concerning the life style. Try to find the right person to give you experience in it and help you discover your nature and let people know in your profile here, or if meeting someone not from this site this what you are seeking. If someone approaches you offering to train you I'd turn the other way. Now if some one comes to you, even if you say you are looking to be trained, and this person says they would be happy to teach you about the life style, what it is about, and that if the two of you click they would be happy to help you experience it all so you can discover yourself they may be worth talking to. In any and all cases use your best judgment. Always! I mean always ask anything you like. You don't need to address anyone as Sir or Miss you don't want to and to they have proven they are worthy of such. This is online after all and who knows who you are talking to at the beginning of speaking so being so formal isn't necessary. If they tell you to address them as such move along, they are a wannabe players or learned it all online. If you ask something and feel their answer doesn't really answer what you are asking, or you need more detail ask again, or question the answer so you can learn. Anyone unwilling to try and answer your questions fully really isn't worth your time as far as I am concerned. Remember, this isn't training, you are learning and if someone really is interested in you they are going to take the time to help you understand it all. Yeah I know some of this was a tad off topic but hope those new to it all learned a little something. I know there are some Dominants, more then likely just the players and wannabes who will attack what I am saying here or maybe not attack but simply disagree, but think about what it all. Its true, you can't be trained to be who you are by nature. Anyone who wants to by all means feel free to contact me. My door is always open. Be well, John |
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