1448 posts 2/1/2017 7:55 am
Last Read:
1/7/2023 3:52 am
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Joe Public strikes again
Please sign My guestbook
Have a look at My profile for standard members
Tell me a secret or send me a message at Private messages
My new word meanings for this place new words and meanings
What happens when I have too much time on my hands The AFF song
My first and last attempt to<b> erotica </font></b>My 1st sexy encounter
Blast from the past ( a funny story )From the diary
Ok I fess up. This is one of my posts from ages ago, but somehow, I think, it will always be current for this place. It is the same as the blast from the past link above, but without the old comments. I hope you enjoy it.
From the diary...of Joe Public, part 1....
Joe public, a fake, a man, joins the ...as if Polyamory Date. Well it could be Jan Publique, or Jon Van Der Publikk, Ivan Publicovski, Joshua Publicshteinberg, Jose Elpublico, Jan Publicincintas, Gianis Publicopoulopoulos, or any other .
This is an imaginary post, and all names, places and events were changed. Also no wild life squirrels were hurt during posting, no carbon footprint was recorded at all as we had to sell the footprint recorder last week to get a piece of stale bread and it all complies with current health and safety regulations.
There I was just browsing the net as usual when this pop up ...errm popped up. Get laid it said ! Hook up with a local hotie tonight. As I was watching a footie game, I was already quite turned on, so I did not hesitate to click on the '' join up for free '' button of the pop up.
This took me to a strange page, where my credit card details were required, I found this strange as I remembered the pop up said ' join up for free ' but, as I said I was quite horny already. So after a short process I was a full gold member. Now, what do we have here, edit your profile it says, so I click on that to start with. Me been a smoker and having rotten teeth, and also been totally bold, I thought it would be a great idea to name myself '' long haired lovely smile '' . I managed to upload a picture of my cock too, while still editing my profile, so I would not miss out on the local hotie, later on .
Well it was not mine, I downloaded it from the net and photo shopped it on my body, like everyone else does ! I did the same with my profile picture, although this time I photo shopped someone else's face on to someone else's body, as I would only conduct meetings in dark dingy alleyways, wearing a hat and rarely smiling, and no one would ever notice.
I subtracted a few pounds from my weight and a few years off my age and added them up as inches to my height and manhood !
Then on with the profile details editing .
I wanted to be different, shine out from the rest of them, so I started typing.......I am a tall man looking for loads of fun. I like going out and also like staying in. I enjoy food and drink, going to the cinema, and having fun with friends. I play footie every Saturday. (Ha, I felt special and different already and I did not mention that the footie was played on my PS for hours on end, from the comfort of my sofa...)
I like to keep fit and eat healthy. ( Again no mention of the sport I play from my sofa, or the cheese and onion crisps diet, after all onion is a vegetable ... )
I was sure that would stand out !
I also fished out of my pictures a photo from years ago, of me swimming with dolphins. So I thought it apt to fill in my profession as a dolphin trainer.
After a while I had my profile approved and was able to conduct a search and send messages !
The first woman that came up on my search was named '' never fuck me '' so I thought I would message her. She mentioned that she liked women only and said on her profile '' no men '' and '' no dick pictures '' so I thought I would send her a pic of my member, just to wake up her confused feelings. Then I thought hard about writing something witty and original so I settled for ''hey babe, I had a look at your profile and liked it. Shall we fuck later on tonite ? '' I was certain that she would be pleasantly surprised from my ability to express my deepest thoughts and individuality !
I kind of liked that message so I copied and pasted it and send it to another 375 profiles on that day. Now all I had to do was sit back and wait for my in box to fill up.
Then I made a blog and inventively named it...'' my blog '' I copied and pasted some material from the net again and posted it in there.
The next day I eagerly looked at my in box. There were many messages in there. One said fuck off dick head. Another one said Go fuck yourself saddo. I started to feel good, enjoying all that sexual innuendo, hidden in those replies. Obviously they all wanted to have sex with me, hence including the word '' fuck '' in their replies...
Some women had even tried to disguise their hot feelings for me by naming their reply as an auto reply but that was not going to deter me, I could read the hidden message in there and how mad they were to meet me. I kept messaging those ones for weeks later and they always send me back the same message, always called an auto reply for some reason, but I knew they were just playing hard to get.
Disclaimer : As mentioned above there is absolutely no connection with any characters or events described above with anyone you may know from real life, or this site ( ? ) ...but the really scary thought is that I actually knew someone like that a few years ago, in real life. He was just a member on some other website so you lot are safe for now....or are you ?
Although I thought of him when I wrote this I am sure that there are women like him out there....
Thank you for reading, and have a happy, amazing February
And here are a few more jokes
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says, 'Hello'.
He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my .'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your 's maths teacher.'
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The lawyer says to the wealthy art collector tycoon: "I have some good news and, I have some bad news”.
The tycoon replies: "I’ve had an awful day, let's hear the good news first”.
The lawyer says: “Your wife invested $5,000 in two pictures today that she figures are worth a minimum of $2 million”.
The tycoon replies enthusiastically: “Well done, very good news indeed! You've just made my day! now what’s the bad news?”
The lawyer answers: “The pictures are of you screwing your secretary”.
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A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. Then it happened again.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, 'I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?'
'I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.'
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. 'I have never heard of that condition before' he said. 'Are you taking anything for it?'
The woman nodded, 'Pepper.’
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Letter to a men's helpline...
Hi Bob,
I really need your advice on a serious problem:
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.
Anyways, last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and
slipped them on. It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace the whole bracket?
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