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We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police
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We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police "Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." Douglas Adams.  I've decided that the next big thing is going to be fantasy fantasy football where you draft douchebags like the dudes on the 7,993 commercials they run for draft kings every hour and then earn points based on how well they do in their fantasy football leagues . You need to invest ALL your money in this idea right now . Another good idea , fantasy porn . You draft your favorite porn stars and then earn points based on the amount of scrunge shot on their faces (or tits) and the number of holes they get plowed in . In which they get plowed I mean . As you all know despite by hatred of fantasy football I joined a league at work this year for "fun" . And because in the end we all become what we hate most . My first thought is that all the studies about the billions of hours of lost productivity are true . For instance today I was only 35 minutes early to work instead of 45 because I "had" to log on this morning and tinker before the game tomorrow . And then I only stayed an hour late instead of 90 minutes because I was on the waiver wire . My second thought is that so far I am third in my league . I feel like that's good enough to get me some action . Third and finally , this league has reminded me that dudes are literally the worst . There's a couple ladies in this league GASP , what will the city father's say ! And before the league started a couple dudes were all like "they won't know how to draft , they'll be easy wins , etc." and now that the league has started and one lady is in first and the others are doing as well as anyone else is all "this isn't even a serious league , they're only doing well because we're not really trying" . It makes me sad because that is totally a guy move - belittle women's ability to succeed first and then if they do succeed belittle their success . I see it all the time . You just can't win with dudes . I mean don't get me wrong , obviously I hate women , but I'm not a jerk about it you know ? I was talking to a lady last night about a some freaky bondage hijinks she was getting up to last weekend and she said that after the dude tied her to a chair the dude's cat started batting at the rope which eventually led to claws in the ass . I found this highly amusing . That's a danger of<b> rope bondage </font></b>that I hadn't considered . It also made me think I should get another cat already - they're a best . Would a do something hilarious like claw your ass during bondage ? No ? They'd be freaking out because they'd think you were being murdered and try to save you . So then you'd have to put them outside or lock the door or whatever and then they'd bark their stupid heads off . Dogs are the worst . I was watching professional wrestling the other day . As you may or may not know pro wrestling has a grand tradition of dudes wrestling WAY after they should have quit . So there was a 57 year old dude in the main event and towards the end he legit messed up his back badly . He finished the match even though he couldn't even stand up straight because there's a big thing in wrestling - you have to finish the match no matter what (unless you're a chick , they bail all the time) . And the fans mark out for that because it shows real toughness and whatever . But you know what ? Its stupid . Its not even a real sport right ? Why put yourself through that agony and risk worse injury for a play fight ? It makes no sense . Such as if a stunt man breaks his dick off during the filming of a stunt they don't just keep filming - why would they ? And you know what ? It doesn't even make sense in real sports . If you snap your arm or shatter your collarbone or whatever you're supposed to try to keep playing because otherwise you're letting down the team or you're a pussy or what have you but its just a job . If you were sitting at your job and your spine sudden broke in half like a twig would you finish your shift ? Of course not , that would be insane . How is it any different if you play a game for a living ? If anything its LESS important . I mean if you're a spinal surgeon (irony ! ) and you're performing spinal surgery when your back snaps MAYBE you should finish up . But if you catch a ball for millions of dollars maybe take it easy . Sports are weird man . Going back to fantasy football people having been saying to me a lot "I'm playing you this week , you're going DOWN !" And I want to say "On your mom ?" But I don't . The funny thing is that would be taken as an insult but probably his mom would like me to go down on her . Probably her husband quit doing that years ago . And I'm okay at it . Results seem to vary . Also whenever the TV says to me "this program contains strong language and is intended only for mature audience , viewer direction is advised" I always want them to say "bitch" at the end of that , but they never do . I guess that's it . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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However - if the dog doesn't bark and go crazy then he'll have his nose in your crotch. That could be interesting (to some) BTW - when someone is all bondaged up, can't even move a pinkie finger, what happens if the other person has a heart attack and dies? Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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