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Blogs > demonicsexkitten > Life, or something like it

Untitled  

demonicsexkitten 49F
5181 posts
3/4/2015 11:03 pm

Last Read:
3/10/2015 9:18 pm
Untitled

The more I learn about love...

The more I want my doumbek.
.
.
.
Just leave me alone and let me sit in the solitude of my apartment... or the depths of the wood... just listening to the sound of the drum beat rolling over, around and through me.

Get the right cadence... mesmerizing, soothing, pulling me into a near meditative trance...

Leave me alone, in my solitary world. Neither hurting nor being hurt. The drum beat overriding the longings of another nature.
.
.
.
Of course... this is me. My world. And... my luck...

My solitary trance will barely be started when the beat will change... hips will move.. and next I know I'm dancing in circles and crying with the passion of the music and my soul and my heart bursts for love.
.
.
.
Essentially I'm just confused. I think I hurt somebody I deeply care for and am quite interested in. And since I over think things and tend to think too much and worry... meh. whatever.

I think I'm going to put a CD of rhythmic, even toned drumming in and sleep to that. Or Native American flute music... I actually own one of those CD's.

Goodnight Blogville

MitchVMadison 57M
119 posts
3/4/2015 11:07 pm

 I am sorry you think you hurt someone you care for. Dance, with all of your might. Dance so that your energy surrounds you. Find that happiness again. Know that there is always you. And music of your heart.


demonicsexkitten replies on 3/5/2015 4:39 pm:
Thank you, Mitch *HUG*

Unintentional but I did hurt somebody. It's been confirmed.

seingalt23 59M
5565 posts
3/4/2015 11:22 pm

 Listen to the drums, close your eyes and start the journey through the tunnel to the place with the lake.

Talk to your poweranimals and meet the master.

They will help.

Giacomo

PS I made the black & white mask long time ago.


demonicsexkitten replies on 3/5/2015 4:41 pm:
Yes. I need to do all that.

Set time aside to just be. And do that.

I didn't realize you'd made the mask Very nice. I need to look again later.

s2ndegree 65M
9800 posts
3/5/2015 12:02 am

 The world moves on a woman's hips!The world moves as it swivels and bops!
Using more than all the road!


demonicsexkitten replies on 3/5/2015 4:41 pm:
LOL thanks for commenting you made me smile

humorlife 56M  
5710 posts
3/5/2015 4:30 am

 I understand the tendency to overthink things. But I've also read a lot of your blog, and have gotten other hints as to your personality. I strongly suspect -- without knowing any details -- that there was no willful culpability on your part.

And... I would also wager that this person's injury may not be as deep as you believe it is. I, too, am a muller and a worries. One of my closest friends once told me "You'd be surprised at how much time people spend not thinking about you."

Big hug. And you should listen to the opening of Prince's "When the Lights Go Down" for some fun drum work.
Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic


demonicsexkitten replies on 3/5/2015 4:52 pm:
Well... I happen to know how much time he does spend thinking of me. And I, him. If the times I know about were the only times... it's amazing. And assuming he thinks of me more than he shares (as I do) then... yeah. It's a LOT.

Though I did hurt him. I was overly honest.

A friend once, years ago, told me that he is glad in the knowledge that I will never lie to him. Yet he's terrified of me. And sometimes he is afraid to ask me questions... because sometimes my truth is an edged blade. And I do not realize until the truth is spoke, the heart slashed, and silence follows... and then it slowly dawns.

The sad thing is... it's only those I love the most and am most open to (mostly in a romantic nature) that are hurt. Because of my layers of self... common strangers get the outer wall, casual acquaintances wander the inner walls... people get only as much truth as I'm comfortable giving. Not that I lie but I protect all parties from hurt and upset. "Polite" "professional" "lady" "gentle" but... somehow when I'm most open I forget... that even those I love most can be hurt or upset by truth. Or, in this case, truth as it appeared in my mind at the moment as I'm still sorting everything out.

But no... I never intentionally hurt another.

khuXBFXM8u 62M
10296 posts
3/5/2015 9:16 am

 You would thing this whole process would get easier as we grow older and hopefully wiser... sadly it's not.
Find pleasure in giving pleasure


demonicsexkitten replies on 3/5/2015 4:56 pm:
I've said it before (or wrote it or thought it at least)... my heart is not made for love. It's too squishy.

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