Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > PurplePeach72 > No Ordinary Girl! |
Recovery from recurrent heartache
|
Recovery from recurrent heartache We lost the baby on 9/10/14 and I went into the local Italian hospital for a D&C on 9/11/14. The ultrasound that day showed the baby had stopped developing between 8-9 weeks, just 1 week after I’d seen the OB the time before. We did all the necessary intake blood work, paper work and anesthesiology work up that same day so I could just come back early the next morning for the procedure. I was very lucky that the Viking was able to be home with me for that. Work had been trying to ship him back out from the minute he got home at the beginning of September. Let me tell you that having even a routine procedure in a foreign hospital is a scary fucking experience. I’ve had 4 other similar procedures done over the years back in the states in both hospitals and outpatient clinics so I knew what to expect from the surgery, anesthesia and recovery. Although the Viking was there with me the intake nurse and staff sent him on a wild goose chase to find the patient liaison while I was being admitted and prepped. They wouldn’t listen to the student nurse who spoke English and was translating for me to tell the intake nurse that all of the paperwork had already been done the day before. I didn’t see my Viking again until after I came out of surgery. There is no way to prepare for the fear when you are being wheeled into an OR theater with no paperwork and no one around you that speaks English. I was on the OR table spread eagle, half naked telling them they were not going to do anything without my paperwork and someone who spoke English before the surgeon showed up with my paperwork and anesthesiologist showed up to translate since he spoke some English. I had to fight with the nurses and Dr to be released in the 4 hours that they said I would. They wanted to keep me in a room with 3 other Italian women for an entire day. No once did the patient liaison that is supposed to be with an American thorough out any procedure check on me or come by. Nor did they call to see how I was recovering. All the discharge paperwork was in Italian and I was given no instructions on recovery expectations. I feel sorry for any woman who has to go through that without prior knowledge of what to expect or the support of a family member. Needless to say I do not have any desire to ever see the inside of an Italian hospital again. Physically the recovery was easy, emotionally it was very hard to deal with. Thank God I didn’t have to go through it alone. The Viking was there for me and held me on the many nights I cried and railed about how unfair it all is. I guess in some ways these loses are things you never get over. You just learn to move forward, which is what we’re doing. The Dr.’s don’t have any answers as to why the miscarriages keep happening at the same point of development. We have one set of tests left, chromosomal mapping for us both. If those tests don’t show anything then we will just be one of the 55-60% of recurrent miscarriage cases that have no known medical cause. There aren’t any other tests to do and they won’t send us to a fertility specialist since we have no problem getting pregnant. We aren’t interested in adopting or a surrogate so this may well be the end of our baby making journey. Right now we are pretty resigned to not having a baby. The Viking is more than ready to quit trying at all. I think it was easy for him to revert back to not wanting a since that was his original stance on having a baby together. For me that transition back to being ok with no more is really hard. My entire life I have survived and thrived by exerting my will power over circumstances that seemed impossible. I have pounded the universe with my stubbornness until I got what I wanted. With this there is no forcing things to go my way, there is nothing I can do to change the outcome of these pregnancies. I’ve done everything I possibly can and followed all the medical advice. Saying I quit, that I can’t do this is not in my nature but I have to let this go or it will poison the most important relationship and love of my life. We’ve talked about it and at this point I’m using material things to convince myself that not having a baby isn’t a bad thing. I’m taking a trip to Amsterdam and we are looking for a sporty BMW to buy. I’m finally starting to lose some of the baby weight and can get back into my fat jeans. I’m still working on getting back into a workout routine to really get back in shape. On the positive side I’ve had tons to keep me occupied and my mind off of the loss. I started a new non-profit organization here to help families moving in and out of the community with<b> pets </font></b>since there is no transportation option for<b> pets </font></b>bigger than cats. There is only one shuttle bus to one airport and the only way<b> pets </font></b>can be on it are if their carriers fit inside the bus on the seats or under them. Tons of families have to fly into and out of other airports and have bigger<b> pets </font></b>so there was a serious need for something like this. The lack of good information on what it takes and costs to get your<b> pets </font></b>here is atrocious too and that is another thing we are working on. We’re on the last step to have garrison approval. We’ve already helped several families with pick-ups and drop-offs plus offering a reliable source of accurate information for them to help get here. I’m proud of what we’ve accomplished since the end of August and hope that I can get the organization up and running well enough to survive even if we move in the spring. I’m confident that I chose a great VP and that she will be able to step into my position fairly easily. The treasurer is also a gem but there will need to be more great people willing to fill their positions plus volunteer if the organization is going to thrive. Our time here in Italy is drawing to a close. We may only have 6 months left and that makes me very sad. With all the places we visited and things we’ve done I know we have only scratched the surface of all the wonders around us. I love it here and I love the life we have built here. We are always finding new things to do and see. I’m still hoping that we will get our year plus extension but we have another few months to wait before we have any news on that. In the meantime I’ve started the process to get the parrot back. The dogs won’t be too hard and don’t need all the prior prep that the bird does. The bird had to be inspected by the US Fish and Wildlife on the way out but on the way back he has to have 2 separate inspections on top of all the paperwork. Major ass pain. I was in another play at the local theater, Absolute Laughter was tons of fun. Being surrounded by fun loving people was a big help while going through another miscarriage. I decided not to do the Christmas musical because of the amount of rehearsals involved and I know there will be a play to audition for in January. I would be entirely too burnt out if I did the Christmas show and then the comedy in Jan so I’m sitting out. Lil Bit is doing the Christmas show if she can keep up with her school work. Right now she is grounded because she hasn’t been able to turn in her homework and some class work on time resulting in her having F’s for a few weeks. She’s brought those up to C’s now but will remain grounded until we get back from our next vacation so I can see if she can follow through on getting any of that work down on time. She’s too interested in the social aspect of hanging out with her friends and boys. She dropped out of track and speech and debate but still has the Christmas show, voice lessons, pottery lessons starting in Nov and a Smart Girls group on Fridays. The youth center here for the middle schoolers is like a night club for . They have a central area that is like a dinner or sports bar with snacks, drinks, pool tables, air hockey tables with booths and high top tables to hang out. They have a computer lab, a homework lab, a gym, a rock climbing wall, a kitchen for cooking classes and a locker room. It is no wonder that she’d rather hang out there with her friends than go to speech and debate or track. Until her grades are back to A’s & B’s there will be no going anywhere other than Academic Success (tutoring basically), rehearsals and voice lessons. She’s still in therapy but he only sees her once a month now that he thinks she’s finding a better equilibrium. For the most part she loves being in Middle School but it is harder and she is supremely lazy. She tried using the “it’s too hard” excuse but to no avail so hopefully she will buckle down now and get her school work done so she can enjoy her free time. We’ll see. We went back to Munich for the opening weekend of Oktoberfest in mid-September. The Viking had never made it to the authentic Oktoberfest so despite the shitty rainy weather and being stuck in a 2 room cabin for 4 days we had a good time. We took Buster with us and that made the trip much more fun. He enjoyed his trips out especially to the English Gardens. I’m really glad the Viking got his authentic Oktoberfest experience. Since last year Halloween here was overrun by stampeding rude obnoxious Italian locals we decided back in July to take a trip to visit Dracula’s castles. We’re spending 5 days in Romania on an authentic Dracula tour through Transylvania. We’re all excited. We will visit 4 or 5 castles from the one Dracula grew up in to one he was a prisoner in. We’ll have a costume party and stay overnight Halloween night in one of the most haunted castles in Europe. We will tour Bucharest the first and last days we’re there. The exchange rate is great for us so I’m looking forward to some fun shopping. Most of all I’m looking forward to us getting back because 2 days after we get back I’m renting a Z4 BMW Roadster from a good friend and driving to Amsterdam for 6 days of mommy-cation with another GF. I’m not sure if I’m more excited about the drive up and back in that hot little speedster or having 5 days to chill and relax in Amsterdam. Not having to fly is a major bonus! We were supposed to have several visitors from the states this fall and winter but so far the only person to visit has been my Uncle who was only here for work for a couple of days. It was nice to see him and hang out for that one night but he didn’t even get to see the house. My mom and her fiancé (soon to be husband number 6) say they’re coming in Feb since they couldn’t for Thanksgiving but I will believe that when I see it. I can’t believe that we will have been here for 2 years and never had anyone come visit us. I know flights aren’t cheap but considering that is really the only expense anyone coming to see us would have it is unreal. We’re heading back to Rome for Christmas. We’ve rented the same house that we had this summer and will be taking Buster there again. I’m still trying to figure out how to keep the Christmas spirit while being on vacation. We’ll see how it goes. Physically the Viking is still dealing with issues with his back. He’s struggling with accepting that it is never going to be the way it was. Unfortunately there’s not rythme or reason to when his back goes out. There’s just movement that shouldn’t be and will only continue to get worse. I know how hard it is to accept that your body is broken and will never be able to do some of the things you used to do. I’ve had to do it twice already in my life with my lower back and then again with my neck and sometimes I still have to be reminded of what I can’t do with my neck. I wish I had some great sex to report but unfortunately our sex life has been pretty non-existent for many months. I had hoped that after the miscarriage it would go back to a more normal level of fucking a few times a week but I’m lucky if we fuck once every week or two and even then it isn’t the marathon sex we used to have on a regular basis. My rabbit runs through batteries every few weeks and frankly I’ve just become accustomed to taking care of myself when I need it. I’m tired of chasing, cajoling and begging for sex and just decided he’ll fuck me if he wants to and if not then I have a rabbit. I worry about the adjustment when we go back to the states. He’s going to be surrounded by all the shiny pretty new toys that he hasn’t been able to play with for the last 3 years but I’m not going to be willing to share until I’m getting what I need at home and that may lead to some major adjustment issues. I have zero desire to fuck another man and doubt that is going to change much just because our geographical location changes. He can’t wait to be able to share me again. Getting back into the lifestyle is going to be much harder than it was adjusting to being out of it. I know we’ll deal with it and do whatever it takes to keep our love strong but that doesn’t stop me from worrying. My fire is dying and I need more Bellini in my glass so I’m going to say Buona Notte for now. I hope you are all well, happy and loving each other like you deserve. Be happy and know I miss you all. Kisses, L (Former Nympho) PS The pic is from the play. I was the excentric romantic actress aka one of 2 stage sluts in the skit "Oh my God It's another play" which was a spoof on the whole experience of acting in a play.  Kisses, LA    |
||||
|
Sorry to hear about that. Kisses
| |||
|
GOOD
| |||
|
Very Sorry!!
| |||
|
 Mega-Hugs to you two. You really need them. Good show on the pet transport service. I helped a family I picked up in Brussels get their big dog to their temporary lodging while they house hunted. Quite a site with us three, the dog, and all their luggage in my SUV. That was a trip to remember. 
| |||
|
I'm so sorry about the miscarriage and the horrible time in the italian hospital. That's just adding insult to injury. Big hugs! Always tell the truth Use kind words Keep your promises Giggle and laugh Be positive Love one another Always be grateful Forgiveness is mandatory Try new things Say please and thank you Say your prayers Smile ~Author unknown
| |||
|
Big hug for you darling! So if you do come back to the States... where is your destination? Thoughts from the Garden...
| |||
10/25/2014 4:08 am |
holy cow woman. i must be a pathetic slob. i about came to tears after reading your opening. i am very sorry to hear of your loss. It is hard to believe it has been almost two years sine your move. I remember reading your blog and the excitement and work done all in preparations for the big move. Wow time flys when having fun. Enjoy the car ride. it should be fun zooming through the windy roads of Europe. Hugs.
| |||
|
|
Become a member to create a blog
